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Best,

Morgan Lorenz

Final Report: PR_Undergraduate-Students_Heath-and-WellbeingMLorenz-1-1

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/12/03/assignment-4-1-formal-report-submission/

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November 27th, 2021 at 12:12pm

Formal Report Peer Review:

PURPOSE: To finesse current reviewing skills and build upon learned expertise collected over the course in technical writing. The peer review allowed for being able to reflect on past submissions and do better in the future in terms of peer review and ensuring clarity is put at the forefront of writing submissions. Personally, the purpose of this peer review was focused on organization, ensuring that all criteria assessed were fulfilled and being meticulous about any missing information.

To: Danisa Rambing, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Morgan Lorenz, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: November 27, 2021
Subject: Assignment 3.3 – Formal Report Peer Review

Dear Danisa,

Thank you for sharing the formal report on funding opportunities for UBC Arts undergraduate students. The submission is strong and fulfills most of the expected criteria asked of for completion. Please see below several notes that arose during the review:

First Impressions:

Currently, according to the submitted draft of the formal report there is no title for the document. For the final submission, please update this document with the appropriate title that illustrates the action of the report and intended audience. The submission is detailed, thorough, and provides a broad report of financial support that can be harnessed for undergraduate students. It is important to be mindful of required changes going forward to ensure all expected assessment criteria are met in the final submission.

Introduction: 

• The introduction clarifies the financial struggles impacting UBC Vancouver Arts students and provides evidence of it’s impact across a large population. The introduction successfully outlines the problem but does not go into further detail on the purpose of the report. More detail on the purpose of the report is needed.

Organization:

• The submission is clearly labeled in the headings and includes an alphanumeric outline that is clear to follow.
• References are not included in the draft submission but is stated on the table of contents. Please include references if it is included on the table of contents.
• Please revise your footnote citations to follow appropriate MLA/APA citation guidelines.

Statement of Problem

• There is substantive evidence provided and clear prose throughout the paper submission. All points are clearly backed up with comprehensive research and clearly addresses the problem at hand, addressing the limited amount of financial support available for UBC Arts Undergraduates students. 
  • The report contains constructive actionables that can be taken to address the problem at hand. Recommendations are constructive and tangible, providing multiple options to the VPFO portfolio. 
  • Recommendations were strong, addressing the problem at hand while also capturing attention of the audience. 
• Utilized data throughout the article that served as substantial evidence to address the problem at hand, which made for a strong report.

Proposed Solution:

This section clearly states how  is a suitable solution to all the issues and problems addressed in the statement of problem. The proposed solution is innovative and will indisputably bring about change for undergraduate Arts students. More detail is required upon what objectives can result from the proposal and actions taken. Please revise to clarify for the audience.

Scope:

This assessment of distinguishing the assessed group of Canadian undergraduate students in the Faculty of Arts as an important group to support is very suitable to the paper’s purpose and should yield relevant results for this investigation. However, this submission did not include an outline of areas of inquiry within the Scope section.

Data Collection:

The plan for collecting primary (surveys) and secondary data sources (academic articles) are well-thought out, reasonable and within the time restraints of  the assignment. Together between primary and secondary data resources, the final formal report will provide substantive information towards the factors contributing towards financial education impacting undergraduate students in the Faculty of Arts. Additionally, this submission did not include an outline of areas of inquiry so it is unclear if the data collection will address all areas of inquiry.

Grammar and Technical Errors:

Please refer to the following in regards to minor grammatical errors:

Introduction:

• • Be mindful of run-on sentences.
  • Please remove the additional hyphen included in “According to the SFU Awards, Bursaries and Scholarships Database, students enrolled in the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences are eligible for 112 awards, 124 bursaries and 36 scholarships4 –estimated to be 189% above the UBC Arts awards amount”.

Purpose of Report:

• • Please provide further detail on the purpose of the report to clarify objectives that can result from the report. More clarity is required.

Data Collection:

• • Be mindful of run-on sentences.
  • Delete “possibly” in “With almost 95% of survey participants denoting “financial support” as a “Very Important” factor in the decision to attend a school, the University’s frugality can possibly hinder future enrollment of domestic Canadian students.” Be confident in your word choice.
  • Replace “represent the urgency of increasing” with “show urgency is required to increase” in the sentence “As a result, the financial concerns of UBC Arts students represent the urgency of increasing financial assistance for the Arts.”

References

• Please edit the footnotes to ensure it meets appropriate guidelines for MLA/APA citations.
• Please include references if it is noted in the table of contents submitted. This is currently missing from the draft.

Style:

• Well structured report.
• Clearly outlined and there is a constructive flow to the entire report.
• Be mindful about run-on sentences. 
• Not sure if the sizing of the calligraphy in Table of Contents is meant to be bigger than the title of the page, just wanted to call attention in case. Structure is empirical and constructive, meeting expectations for formal report expectations. 
• Tone is positive throughout the report and remains objective throughout. 
• The report does not carry a you-attitude in its tone or chosen vernacular. 

Revisions: Please note the suggested revisions in this review that will improve the quality:

• provide a clear outline of all recommendations proposed.
• Ensure that pronoun usage is eliminated from writing
• ensure paper alignment guidelines are being met according to Technical Communication (2019)
• correcting grammar.

Overall, this is an impressive draft submission for an important investigation that could help many undergraduate students and also provide financial support for those who need it most. I hope these suggestions are helpful for the revision process. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or further clarification.

Warmly,

Morgan

 

Assessed Submission: Danisa Rambling Formal Report Draft

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/11/27/assignment-3-3-peer-review-of-formal-report-draft/

_____________________________________________________

November 12th, 2021 at 6:23 pm

PURPOSE: practice writing professional, constructive emails that allow for effective communication to play out between all parties involved.

Complaint Letter Submission

Morgan Lorenz

820 Idylberry Road

San Rafael, CA 94903

 

Jonathan Doe

Attn: CVS Pharmacy

442 Las Gallinas Ave

San Rafael, CA 94903

 

Attention: CVS Pharmacy, Manager Jonathan Doe

Subject: Prescription Pickup Challenges

 

November 12, 2021

 

Dear Jonathan at CVS Pharmacy,

I hope this message finds you safe and in good health. I am writing in response to unsatisfactory services received earlier this week when picking up my prescription at your Terra Linda location.

On my half-hour lunch break on November 9th, I left home to pick up my prescription that I had ordered for pick up a week prior. I live about 7 minutes away from the pharmacy and was on a timeline to pick up the medicine. Earlier that morning, I had been told over the phone with a representative that all orders would be ready for pick up and I had made them aware of the challenging time window for pickup. However, when I got to the pharmacy location, I got up to the window with 10 minutes left before I could leave to get back for work on time and was told one prescription was not ready for pickup and I would be unable to pickup until all prescriptions were ready. This was a challenge to deal with as I was told to wait 10 minutes for the order to be prepared. After waiting, I was told I had to wait another 5 minutes for the order to be prepared by pharmacist. Considering I had been told over the phone by a representative at the pharmacy that the orders were ready for pickup and was prepared to easily obtain the medication due to time constraints, I wish I had been told ahead of time that a prescription was not ready so I could have arranged another time for pick up. Would it be possible to ask representatives to double check to see if all prescriptions are ready for pick up if calling in to confirm? It would be beneficial for patients with challenging work schedules by accommodating their time to pick up what could be life-saving medication. Please let me know your thoughts. Much appreciated and look forward to hearing from you!

 

Best,

Morgan Lorenz

 

Dear Morgan,

 

Our apologies for this inconvenience and challenging experience when picking up your prescription at our San Rafael location. We will be sure to check in with our call representatives and reiterate the importance of confirming prescription status when checking for customers. I will be sure to incorporate into our training protocol the importance of double-checking status for customers calling in to confirm pickup, as this currently is not mentioned but should be reiterated. I agree that it would be beneficial to have more solidified notice ahead of time in order to meet customer needs when they have challenging work schedules that do not align. Please see the attached notice I have shared with our greater Pharmacy team here in San Rafael. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if I can assist you with anything further.

 

Regards,

 

Jonathan

 

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/11/12/assignment-3-1-complaint-and-bad-news-letter/

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November 8th, 2021 at 3:44 pm

PURPOSE: Provide constructive advice to a student on effective and professional communication strategies to practice with academic professors, supervisors, or bosses in other professional capacities. This allowed for reflection on own personal submission and critique on effective technical communication skills that eliminates unnecessary words and gets rid of overuse of pronouns within the submission. This assignment taught me the importance of being concise and needing to pay attention to and practice better pronoun usage in all future submissions.

Memorandum to Evan Crisp

To: Evan Crisp, UBC Student

From: Morgan Lorenz, Student in ENGL 301 Technical Writing at UBC

Date: November 8, 2021

Subject: Tips for Writing Effective Email Messages with a You Attitude

Good afternoon, Evan!

Please find encapsulated in this message advice for best practice when writing an email to a professor. The guidance provided will result in a professional email that will yield a better chance of obtaining replies from a professor. The following suggestions incorporate the use of a “you attitude” writing style that places a value of importance on the reader such that there are benefits to them.

Effective emails as a student should follow these guidelines:

• Using a professional email helps to identify status and prevents concerns about potential spam. A professional email also aids with establishing the professionalism.
• Eliminate typos and incorrect text layouts that may confuse the intended reader. Provide action items that clearly state what you need support with. Providing clearly stated requests will more likely result in a response. It is important to note that professors are busy people who appreciate clear and concise emails.
• Be sure to include a subject line that will inform the professor of what the incoming email will entail. This subject line, by listing the details of the course code and section of interest and student ID Number, will show courtesy to the professor and make it easier for the professor to help the student. 
• Directing the email message with a respectful introduction to the person you are writing to will humanize the reader, as opposed to starting the email with the impersonal phrase “Hey there”. This will establish a respectful tone and allow for communication to be carried out in a professional manner.
• Including a closing remark with a signature block containing your contact information and full name clearly summarizes your outreach. It is important to thank the professor for their time. Offering future available times to continue the conservation that will show willingness to continue the discussion with respect to the availability of the professor. Thanking the professor for their time will also end the email on a good note and leave a positive impression on the reader. 
• Writing in a courteous manner shows appreciation for the professor’s time and efforts. It is important to understand from the professor’s point of view where they may be willing to take time out of their day to provide assistance. Refusing to take an early session due to personal preferences does not show courtesy to the professor. Similarly, expecting the professor to fulfill demands and issuing a time constraint for own personal ventures is unprofessional and shouldn’t be included in a message to a professor.
• Do not use imperatives within the body of the email where statements come off as commands. For example, this can be seen when using imperatives to ask the reader to “squeeze me into a class”. This sentence has an unprofessional tone and includes words that should not be included in outreach to a professor in a professional email. Refrain from using this terminology in the future. 

Emails are an important form of communication that should remain casual, yet professional at all times when in communication for academic purposes. The email you have written does not respectfully or professionally communicate well to the professor. The tone and communication etiquette presented does not illustrate courtesy to the professor and comes off as condescending. By following the suggestions provided, these changes will prompt a response from the professor that may potentially help secure a spot in the desired class section. Thank you and don’t hesitate to reach out with any further questions. 

Warmly,

Morgan Lorenz

 

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/11/08/assignment-3-1-memo-to-evan-crisp/

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October 23rd, 2021 at 7:24pm

Memorandum on LinkedIn Best Practices

PURPOSE: Obtain strong skills to incorporate into everyday practice on professional networking sites that will yield in more networking opportunities or better prospects of getting recruited for positions. This assignment allowed for more research and lived experiences to compliment advice and provide insight into how to better current professional networking practices and to result in better connections in the long run.

MEMORANDUM: 

To: Jordan Zhao, Danisa Rambling, and Johnathan Tam, Team Members of Twirling Gold in ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC 

From: Morgan Lorenz, Student in ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC

Datiale: October 23rd, 2021

Subject: Best Practices for LinkedIn: Networking and Connections

In an emerging world where networking and maintaining connections across one’s field of business concentrates on a social media platform, LinkedIn can provide ample resources for professionals to establish themselves within their field while also growing in their own leadership through educational resources on the platform. For Assignment 2.2, we are to provide further information regarding LinkedIn as a resource for connecting others to networking and professional opportunities. Below are ten best practices for professional networking when using LinkedIn: 

1. Professional Headshot: use a professional headshot to establish a positive first impression.
2. Conduct Meaningful Outreach: make meaningful connections by connecting with others working in fields or companies of interest. It never hurts to reach out out of curiosity and wanting to learn more! 
3. Follow Employer Guidelines for Social Networking: be sure to follow networking guidelines by own place of employment to be sure compliance and protocol is being followed accordingly. 
4. Maintain Connections by Staying Active on LinkedIn: establish yourself on the platform by engaging with current connections, reaching out to others and staying up to date with new content weekly.
5. Continue Education in the Workspace: take some LinkedIn Certificate program classes, which can be found under LinkedIn Learning, to gain leverage in own place of work for personal and professional growth. Classes include Excel Essential Training to Powerful Prioritization in the Workspace to Communicating with Confidence. 
6. Interact with Groups of Interest: Join groups of interest, such as “Marketing Professionals” or “Womxn Only” professional groups, to increase networking opportunities with like-minded individuals in current field. This allows for connections to multiply within own field and develop connections to future opportunities across the world.
7. Maintain a Positive and Professional Tone: Maintain a positive and professional tone when engaging with others. This will lead to more opportunities to connect with others across different networks. 
8. Utilize Awards and Experience Section to Leverage Accomplishments: Leverage endorsements and positive mentions in the recommendations and awards section of profile to translate confidence and experience in field of expertise. 
9. Revise LinkedIn Profile to Target Employers In Interested Field of Employment: Target profile to current area of expertise and field of work. Be sure to mention key skills developed throughout each employment opportunity to illustrate growth and establish direct connection to skill development. This will attract recruiters or potential employers. 
10. Share Connections, Events or Stories that Speak to You: Don’t be afraid to share meaningful events or articles that spoke to you in terms of professional and developmental growth in your industry. LinkedIn allows not just for networking to foster but for more knowledge to be shared with others that may not be discovered elsewhere. 

Please take the above into consideration when considering LinkedIn for supporting professional networking. 

 

Works Cited

 

Agrawal, P. (6 Oct. 2020). “Building a heterogeneous social network recommendation system” LinkedIn Engineering. Retrieved from https://engineering.linkedin.com/blog/2020/building-a-heterogeneous-social-network-recommendation-system. 

Become Team. (17 Nov. 2020). “How to Use LinkedIn for Professional Development & Networking.” LearnHowToBecome.org. Retrieved from https://www.learnhowtobecome.org/career-resource-center/linkedin-professional-development-and-networking/.

Lannon, John M., and Laura J. Gurak. Technical Communication, MLA Update. Pearson College, 2017.

 

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/23/assignment-2-2-memorandum-for-linkedin-networking-and-opportunities/

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October 29th, 2021 at 10:01pm

Progress Report Memorandum:

PURPOSE: To practice writing memorandums and ensuring its construction meets criteria and expectations as outlined on ENGL 301’s assessment page. Additionally, it is important to practice technical expertise in producing formal reports updating supervisory figures about the status or update of the material constructed. Please note that this memorandum was updated on December 3rd following the submission of the final report due to illness and sick leave from November 14th to November 24th. All of the submission dates have been updated to include the changed submission dates as agreed upon with Dr. Paterson.

MEMORANDUM

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, Instructor at ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC

From: Morgan Lorenz, Student in ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC

Date: October 29, 2021

Subject: 301 Formal Report Progress Report: Proposal for Increasing Physical Activity Opportunities for Undergraduate Students at University of British Columbia through Online Platforms

Please find this as an update to my progress on my formal report which has been posted to my writing team forum for viewing. Attached to this memo is a copy of the following document.

A. Purpose and Significance of Report

The purpose of this report is to provide recommendations for interested undergraduate students at University of British Columbia with versatile options to increase their physical activity through online applications, Youtube videos/channels, or utilizing their own external environment.

B. Intended Audience

Undergraduate students with low physical activity or concern with incorporating physical activity due to a challenging academic or personal schedule. 

C. Report Objectives

The purposes of this report are to:

• Raise awareness of fitness challenges facing undergraduate students at UBC.
• Provide insights into the benefits of increased physical activity for undergraduate students.
• Provide feasible solutions to increase physical activity through various online mediums and practices that are adjustable for scheduling.

D. Methods

Primary research and data collection will be done through literature review of student-published news reports, academic articles assessing fitness and wellbeing of university students across North America, and chronicled interviews from discussions with undergraduate students at the University of British Columbia with collected insight from individuals with both high physical activity and low physical activity in their weekly schedule. 

Secondary sources will include surveying open source scholarly publications regarding the sociocultural landscape of the lower mainland with concentration on health culture and fitness. 

E. Formal Report Outline

Please find the formal report outline linked here

F. Research Plan:

To fully analyze the need for low barrier resources for students looking to increase their physical activity, I plan to:

• Gather primary data sources
  • Record data collected by survey to supplement findings discovered in cross analysis of academic publications.
  • Gather evidence of health and wellbeing actions impacting undergraduate students in UBC using peer-reviewed publications from academic sources. 
• Conduct secondary research on the repercussions of low physical activity and poor health for university students and its impact on academic performance.
  • Gather quantitative evidence of the impact of physical activity on undergraduate students.
• Gather information on potential recommendations through public source media outlets 
  • Review cost-effective solutions on low barriers to participate or increase physical activity.
  • Review publications from student-facing newspaper Ubyssey addressing health and wellbeing concerns.

G. Writing Schedule:

The following is the updated writing schedule for the coming month after falling ill with COVID-19 and was hospitalized: 

• October 29: Formal Report Outline and Progress Report for Formal Report
• November 1st: Reach out to contacts via email to ask about participation via Google Form.
• November 9th: Conduct primary research on secondary resources for fitness and wellbeing.
• November 10th: Create initial report with research data
• November 19th: Close Google Form for survey collection and begin data analysis
• November 26th: Submit formal report draft
• November 27th: Peer review formal report draft
• November 27th: Peer review edits of formal report draft
• December 3rd: Complete formal report final

Thank you for reviewing the progress of my formal report. Please note the bolded dates changed in progress report illustrated updated submission dates following illness and requesting extensions for submission. Please don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or additional feedback for the progress of this report.

Please see the attached link for the survey questions: https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5oiNEoiYD406qLY

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/29/assignment-2-3-progress-report-memorandum-2/

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October 18th, 2021 at 5:16 pm

Formal Report Proposal: Peer Review

PURPOSE: Practice providing clear, constructive advice with classmates that aids their experience in the journey to successful technical writing. Peer review enables all writers to reflect on their own submissions and improve collectively by learning from other classmate writing submissions. This allows for technical writing expertise to grow and compound further over time due to collaboration.

To: Danisa Rambling, Student in ENGL 301 Technical Writing at UBC

From: Morgan Lorenz, Student in ENGL 301 Technical Writing at UBC

Date: October 18, 2021

Subject: Review of Proposal Assignment 2:1 – Formal Report Proposal

Peer Review / Formal Report Proposal: Proposal for Expanding Financial Aid Resources at the University of British Columbia. 

Thank you for the articulate and well-informed proposal detailing the critical problems existing within current financial aid support available at the University of British Columbia (UBC). The proposal clearly details financial insecurity of university students and strategies that could be better utilized to incorporate further equity and academic stability at large for students. Please see the detailed review of the proposal below with some suggestions for improvement.

First Impression:

This is a clear proposal that narrows in on a problem that poses sincere consequences to the targeted audience. The targeted audience, while isn’t explicitly outlined in the proposal, is clearly financially insecure students who rely on financial aid or funding for support in their academic pursuits. In order to proceed further, an edit to your submission must include a description of your target audience. Based on the information presented, the current submission meets almost all of the assignment requirements. It is missing a description of the target audience. With exception of this missing information, the current submission is well organized and follows the format of a research proposal.

Organization:

• The format follows a research proposal layout.
• The proposal contains an introduction, problem statement, one proposed solution, scope of the research problem, methods, qualifications, and a conclusion.
• Excellent work on presenting all the material required for review.

Content:

• The proposal is complete and answers questions about what, why, when, and where.
• It reports a specific problem with potential recommendations.
• Proposal is complemented with an email memorandum. 
• Submission is missing a description of the intended audience. Please revise to include a segment in submission that describes the intended audience and/or target reader.

Clarity:

• The submission included thorough details behind numbers presented. This clarification made the proposal easy to follow and quantitatively sound. 
• Where the proposed solution proposes redistributing the university budget, the submission would benefit from more concrete examples to back up their points for the statements shared in order to ensure clarity and evidence-based work is at the forefront of information submitted. 
• Please review the grammar used throughout the proposal to ensure the tone and tense used is seamless across the proposal. 

Highlights/Weaknesses:

• This is an incredibly important issue and a great topic of research interest for the intended audience.
• Primary sources from direct interviews and impacted students will greatly aid the data collected to inform this formal report. 
• There is concern for bias between administration information collected versus university student information collected.
• Great use of statistical research and analysis from articles. This helps present the potential severity of the problem.
• Ensure that the lens used throughout the report is clear as interviews could lead to some bias in terms of report and data collection.
• Encourage diving further into the “how” behind redistributing the budget. 

Audience:

• It is unclear who is the intended audience. Please clarify in editing the submission. 

Concluding Comments:

This proposal on increasing financial aid resources for students is well-informed and has potential to be impactful. It is backed by primary resources with qualified personnel and extraneous secondary sources, aiding with collecting meaningful results and recommendations. The following adjustments would make this proposal even better:

• Further review of grammatical errors
• Adjustment of the research proposal subject
• Correction of unclear statements
• Add clarification for intended audience.

Wonderful work! Thank you for this opportunity to learn more about the underlying challenges facing financial aid support at UBC. This proposal is on track for success, and clearly illustrates the ability to form an informative formal report. I look forward to checking in further on this work and hope to read the report at its completion. If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Warmly,

Morgan

 

Proposal: Danisa Proposal

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/18/peer-review-assignment-2-1-formal-report-proposal/

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October 16th, 2021 at 3:56 pm

Formal Report Proposal

PURPOSE: This assignment allowed for students to practice writing a proposal for an interested project/research report. This assignment provided students with skills and experience to conduct community outreach that meets compliance criteria and expectations made by supervisors. The proposal enabled all students to practice professional outreach and be thorough with preparation, which is an important lesson I will now carry beyond this class and into my postgraduate work.

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, Instructor of ENGL 301 Technical Writing of UBC

From: Morgan Lorenz, ENGL 301 Technical Writing Student at UBC

Date: October 16, 2021
Subject: ENGL 301 – Research Proposal for a Formal Report

Intended Audience: University of British Columbia undergraduate students with busy academic schedules and are unable to increase their fitness/health or wellness education as a result of their current schedule.

I hope this message finds you safe and in good health! Please find my research proposal for a formal report on increasing physical activity and lowering sedentary behaviour in university students attached below to this message. This document has been posted to my writing team forum for viewing.

In summary, the attached research proposal includes the following:

• A problem statement with background information of the problem: health and wellbeing measures of university undergraduate students.
• A proposed solution for the problem: increased educational opportunities and informational tools for undergraduate students across UBC Vancouver campus.
• Scope of the proposed study
• Method of research and primary and secondary sources
• My qualifications required to fulfill the plans mentioned in my proposal

Please do not hesitate to reach out if there is anything missing from this message. Much appreciated and I look forward to hearing from you!

Warmly,

Morgan Lorenz

Formal report proposal: Assignment2.3MLorenzProposal

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/16/assignment-2-1-formal-research-proposal-and-email-memorandum/

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October 7th, 2021 at 10:30pm

Revised Definition for Assignment 1:3: Defining “Health Equity”

PURPOSE: The purpose of this assignment was to introduce tools and strategies towards providing a clear, concise lense at explaining a broad concept to a larger audience. This assignment enabled all students to learn more about the importance of structure and order in definition construction, reflection on their own submissions and growth collectively towards improving terminology and practicing being concise for readers.

Introduction: 

For Week 3, Assignment 1:3, our team was instructed to create three definitions of a relatively complex term used in our profession for audiences that may not have experience in this field. This aids our understanding of the importance of definitions in technical writing and how it can translate towards others. 

With a background in health studies, healthcare and sociology, I  focused on health equity due to its dynamic and important nature impacting everyday life. The intended audience for this definition includes a general population that may not have exposure to health education and may have higher health equity in their own lives. This intended audience will grow more conscientious of the barriers that inhibit noticing health equity and privilege in their own surroundings. 

In the submission below, I have outlined three different definitions for health equity. Firstly, I will define health equity with a parenthetical definition. This definition includes a synonym or a clarifying phrase in parentheses following the term. The second definition will include a sentence definition, which expands upon the parenthetical definition by providing the broader class and noting distinguishing features of the term. In conclusion, I will define the term health equity with an expanded definition that includes the history, operating principles, required conditions, and negation of the term in its use and space in society. 

 

Parenthetical Definition: 

Within our modern society, health equity (an individual’s access to sustainable, accessible health and wellbeing) is variable across the general population and is heavily influenced by an individual’s intergenerational and environmental history.

Sentence Definition: 

Term: Health equity

Class: classification of sociomedical wellbeing of an individual

Distinguishing features: accessibility to achieving adequate and sustainable living that allows an individual to live their life to the fullest. 

Full Sentence Definition: Health equity, which can be used to determine the sociomedical wellbeing of an individual, includes classifying an individual’s accessibility to achieving an adequate and sustainable lifestyle leading to a full, fruitful life. 

Expanded Definition: 

History: 

Health equity evolved from research conducted by sociomedical philosophers and scholars as early as the 18th century, including academics such as Fredrick Engels and Rudolf Virchow noting how class inequities lead to inequities in health (Fee & Gonzalez, 2021). Health equity was not acknowledged in its full nomenclature until late 1970’s, when the World Health Organization held a conference towards advancing health education access across the world. 

Researchers encouraged academics and healthcare professionals to open their eyes at visible and invisible barriers for individuals with disadvantaged social determinants of health. This conference, also referred to as the Alma-Ata Declaration of 1978, has had a ripple effect on municipal, provincial, and federal levels (World Health Organization, 2021). This conference led to improvements in health policy development, transportation and city planning, medical facility management, fitness centers, and community recreation and park construction even to this day (World Health Organization, 2021). Addressing barriers and understanding health equity has increased public health measures across Canada that has improved the vitality and lifestyle one can achieve in the general population (Doyle & Walker-Baker, 2019). 

 

Figure 1 is gathered from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, a USA based philanthropy focused on improving healthcare access and health equity for all Americans. This image provides a visual of differentiating between equity and equality. Equality is visualized by providing each individual with the same piece of equipment. Equity is visualized by providing equipment that meets the needs and abilities of the respective individual, allowing them to perform their best.

Operating Principles:

Health equity can be classified as a goal to achieve by all peoples pushing towards a greater space of wellbeing. Health equity also takes into account various components that inhibit or enhance an individual’s ability to live a fulfilling, well-rounded life, such as adaptability or accessibility (Center of Disease Control and Prevention, 2021). These are presented in contrast as health inequities that cause one individual’s accumulation of health equity to differentiate with others around them.

Health equity takes into account several variables that collectively calculate into a comparative value determining one’s holistic wellbeing. These variables can be known as social determinants of health (BC Center for Disease and Control, 2021). These variables include (but are not limited to) socioeconomic status, financial and emotional wellbeing, education, occupation or disability/ability. Each of these different variables impact the quality of life of the individual and the environment one resides in. Collectively, an individual’s variables contribute towards one’s ability to obtain health equity within their surrounding environment. 

Figure 2. Infographic illustrating social determinants of health and its intersection in health equity impacting the greater population (National Institute for Health Care Management, 2020). 

Figure 2 is gathered from the National Institute for Health Care management, a nonprofit, nonpartisan research organization focused on evidence-backed data collected on healthcare and working with governmental, private and public sectors to improve health across society. The infographic provides further information on social determinants of health (or components that can impact/challenge one’s access to sustaining a higher quality of life) and its presence and proposed solutions in addressing health inequities within the community.

 

Required Conditions: 

Health equity is only achieved if every individual is given the full opportunity to reach their ultimate health potential and no one is disadvantaged due to socially influenced circumstances (Center of Disease Control and Prevention, 2021). Health equity additionally can only be assessed appropriately when taking into account the interwoven social determinants of health that can challenge an individual’s ability to reach a fulfilling life. 

 

Negation: Why is health equity important to this day?

Health equity is structurally bound due to health policies, differences in healthcare systems, and financial wellbeing that differentiates across populations. An individual’s ability to achieve health equity can be hindered due to procedures in place such as health insurance (especially in the USA), occupation, and residential location (Fee & Gonzalez, 2021; Doyle & Walker-Baker, 2019). An individual residing in a remote area that requires transportation to centers that have fitness centers, medical facilities, or community centers have lower health equity because the structures in place put them at a disadvantage in terms of accessibility and convenience. In a modern society where public health has made a significant impact on the sociocultural structures of everyday life, health equity is important to take into consideration when understanding how healthcare can transition to support an aging population across the world.

 

Works cited

BC Centre for Disease Control. (2021). Health equity. Provincial Health Services Authority. Retreived from http://www.bccdc.ca/health-info/prevention-public-health/health-equity. 

Center for Disease Control and Prevention. (2020 Mar 11). Health Equity. US Department of Health and Human Services. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/chronicdisease/healthequity/index.html 

Fee, E. & Gonzalez, A. R. (2017). The history of health equity: Concept and vision. Diversity and Equality in Health and Care, 14 (3), pp. 148-152. Published by Insight Medical Publishing Group. Retrieved from https://diversityhealthcare.imedpub.com/the-history-of-health-equity-concept-and-vision.pdf

National Institute for Health Care Management. (2020 Oct 21). Addressing social determinants of health can improve community health and reduce costs. NIHCM Foundation. Retrieved from https://nihcm.org/publications/addressing-social-determinants-of-health-can-improve-community-health-reduce-costs

Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. (2021). Visualizing Health Equity: One Size Does Not Fit All Infographic. Achieving Health Equity, An RWJF Collection. Retrieved from https://www.rwjf.org/en/library/infographics/visualizing-health-equity.html#/download 

Walker, Ali. & Doyle-Baker, P. (2019 Apr 29). Promoting and strengthening public health through undergraduate education. Canadian Journal of Public Health, 110, pp. 327-330. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.17269/s41997-019-00217-0

World Health Organization. (2021). WHO called to return to the Declaration of Alma-Ata: international conference on primary health care. World Health Organization. Retrieved from https://www.who.int/teams/social-determinants-of-health/declaration-of-alma-ata

 

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/07/revised-definition-assignment-13-defining-health-equity/

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October 5th, 2021 at 3:42pm

PURPOSE: This assignment allowed for students to reflect on their own tools at navigating technical writing and directly apply strategies detailed in the Technical Communications (2019) textbook. This assignment allowed for students to collaborate with their peers and learn collectively on expectations set for the course as well as writing tactics that can be incorporated to enhance academic performance later along the course. The peer review process provided a glimpse for all students to understand assessment expectations set for undergraduate students enrolled in ENGL 301.

To: Danisa Rambling, Student in ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Morgan Lorenz, Student in ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: October 5th, 2021
Subject: Peer Review of Assignment 1:3 – “User Interface” Definition

 

Peer Review of Definition Term: “User Interface” Definition

Firstly, thank you for your thorough work in this assignment and sharing more about User Interface with the students of ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC. Your submission is an excellent presentation of the definition “user interface” to an unaware audience of its rich history and place in everyday society. Please see the review of the document below with some suggestions for improvement.

My First Impression:

Your definition is clear and straightforward. All definitions provided meets minimum assignment requirements. Your submission is well organized, contains visuals and also includes a works cited list which were needed criteria for the assignment.

Organization:

• Your organization of the definition is well planned out.
• The selection methods chosen of expansion through history, operating principle, required conditions, and negation supported with properly defining “user interface”.
• The explanations may need further descriptions in order to present examples clearly in respect to your desired context.
• Great work on your definition of self-management.
• Visuals and figures used must be properly cited with correct placement, please review the textbook for further notes.

Language/Expression:

• Your tone throughout the composition is professional, referenced with backed evidence, and is interactive with the reader.
• The language used throughout the definitions provided are concise, supporting the aim for constructing a simple-focused approach to defining “user interface”.
• Your introduction outlines the flow of the submission and includes target audience and a clear purpose.
• Your vernacular chosen is professional and composed. The content would be better referenced with verification of dates used throughout the submission.
• Please eliminate pronoun usage in your submission, some are overused and not necessary for this writing.

Content:

The submission meets the assignment requirements, containing the following:

• relatively complex term within discipline
• definition is targeted towards “non-technical readers” with purpose
• composes the required forms of definition(s)
• contains four types of expansion methods
• contains visuals
• is supplemented by at least three references

Visuals:

• References of visuals within description should be properly cited.
• The structure and introduction of visuals throughout the definitions aid readers with following the term and diving deeper into its history.
• It would be helpful to include references to the visuals.

Clarity:

• There were a couple of occasions where more details could be implemented to provide further insight to a non-technical audience about user interface. This includes when discussing UX and its relation to UI, as well as mentions of animation, code or programming.

Highlights/Weaknesses:

• The structure and outline of operating principles listed in in your expanded definition was strongly organized and detailed.
• Your use of images complimented the structure of the expanded definition. It allowed for further reference by readers to confirm the insights proposed throughout the definition descriptions.
• You expanded upon terms where needed, allowing for a non-technical audience to follow along seamlessly with your writing. Acronyms were presented and followed up upon.
• By using modern examples throughout the expanded definition, this allows readers to clearly distinguish what user interface entails exactly.
• Some of the terminology used throughout the expanded definition included more relatively complex terms that would benefit from further description for a non-technical audience. This includes references to animation and programming. As a non-technical reader, I would be benefitted further by more expansion on these terms.
• There were times throughout the submission under expanded definition where references should be included to confirm the source of the dates provided. For example, “As of the early 2020’s, the term user interface has become synonymous with the front-facing layout of websites and the space where users can interact with website applications, such as Facebook or Google”; should be referenced as the tone used indicates that this is fact and should be referenced as such. If this is not clear, please do not hesitate to reach out.

Works Cited List:

• Only articles were references, images used to supplement the submission did not seem to contain a reference.

Purpose/Audience:

• The definition has been described for the intended audience of non-technical readers.
• These definitions fulfill the criteria needed to provide a well-informed definition of user interface.

Concluding Comments:

Your definition of user interface was an informative read. Collectively, each definition was well organized and properly executed. The following edits should would further the success of the author:

• Reviewing references for figures throughout the expanded definition section.
• Grammar check.
• Correcting citation for visuals.
• Reviewing citations for added dates included within definitions.
• Reviewing Works Cited list and including references for visuals.

Thank you for the clear and constructive definition of user interface, you made a complex term digestible and accessible for an audience that may be unfamiliar with the term. The submission clearly illustrates an ability to define technical terms in alignment to the expectations outlined in the course and in Technical Communications (2019). Please do not hesitate to reach out if you have any further questions.

 

Warmly,

Morgan

 

Original Posting: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/05/peer-review-definition-of-user-interface/

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