Recently I have been thinking a lot about privilege. Examining questions such as what is privilege, who has privilege, why do they have privilege, in what ways am I privileged? I find it challenging to step outside of myself and see all the ways that I have power. It can be easy to focus on places where privilege lacks in my life rather than where it is present. Womanhood and gayness color my daily experiences and I’m often aware of how these things impact my daily interactions.

The other day I was walking to the 99 along Commercial and saw a kerfuffle ahead of me. There was a tall, skinny, white, hipster-looking dude yelling at a security guard, “just give me so F@*%ING food! Please!” as he marched past me we made eye contact. His face was red and tears were streaming down his cheeks. His expression haunted me for a lot of the day and brought many of these questions to mind. I am so lucky to not know what being chronically hungry feels like, to be reasonably educated, to have been raised in a relatively loving home, and to have had the opportunities I’ve been privileged with. What can I do with this privilege? Now that I see just how privileged I am I can hopefully help those in need. If I see this man again I have sworn to myself that I will offer him my lunch. Privilege is something we have focused on a lot in this class – mostly in a critical sense. Perhaps we should start looking at where it is present in our own lives and start seeing how we can use it to create and influence positive change.

I’ve been waiting for the day I wake up and realize that I’m all grown up. The more I anticipated this day, the more I realized that adulthood is not a destination you suddenly reach.  I expected some great change when I turned 18, 19, 20, and 21 and still nothing. But this morning I made a huge leap in the direction of grown-up-ness. It is election day and I voted. It was the first time that I have ever cast a ballot and some reason it was a big step for me towards feeling like a proper adult.

I live with some very intelligent and educated people who all have five years of age on me. Last night, we were gathered in our living room discussing the election. I can say truthfully, and somewhat reluctantly, that I have never seriously discussed politics with my own generation. The “adultness”  of the conversation left me somewhat in awe. The political terms and concepts being thrown around were new and caused me to feverishly research all the potential candidates the next morning. My most informing source was from the Georgia Straight found here:
http://www.straight.com/news/769716/straight-slate-2014-municipal-election-suggestions-your-vote. It summarizes the campaigns for candidates and offers some critical comparisons. Granted, it is biased, but nonetheless I found it to be a good starting place to formulate some opinions. My lack of previous political conversations and voting experiences made me question other residents participation. Apparently only 34.6% of residents cast ballots. That is a surprising and disappointing fact. Is democracy really that great if so few people are participating and expressing their voice?

To relate my voting experience back to the course, I index-searched “democracy.” According to Matthew Arnold, the combination of the rise democracy and the aristocracy create a favorable environment for anarchy (pp. 20). To me, this is counter intuitive. Democracy suggests that citizens are actively selecting the government, not being anarchists. Arnold’s suggestion to overcome this anarchy is through culture, education, and coercion. He states that culture and education would remove popular culture (pp. 20). This is ironic given that popular culture has become a source of political and democratic education such as the Georgia Straight was for me when deciding who to vote for. In conclusion, democracy is pretty neat, more people should participate, and I’m happy to say that it helped me feel like a real adult.

I’m taking another class taught by Dr. Stewart, CSIS 300, and one required reading is 50 Shades of Grey. I have tried on three separate occasions to read it but I fail every time. Why? Because I can’t get past the barriers of what I see as heteronormative, patriarchal, and a generally poorly written book. To be fair, I haven’t read more than twenty pages so I acknowledge that I don’t have the full picture. Apparently, not everyone struggles to read it as much as I do. 50 Shades of Grey has sold 15 million copies in the US and Canada, outselling Twilight, which is an impressive accomplishment (http://neomam.com/fifty-shades-of-grey-infographic/).

During our Gender lecture, we looked at Reading Romance in Storey’s Popular Culture. Modleski argues that romance novels mass-produce fantasies and the stories written speak to very real problems and tensions in women’s lives (pp. 142). This novel is prescribing sex and mainstreaming BDSM. Adult products are increasing as 50 Shades of Grey flies off the shelves. Ropes, vibrators, and soft bondage products have all risen in sales – Babeland Adult Toy Store has increased sales by 40%. It would be hard to argue that 50 Shades has not made an impact on people’s sex lives. But what kind of sexual experience is this romantic novel modeling? One of female submission. BDSM can take so many different forms and is complicated and complex sexual world. Many people in the community argue that it decreases the notion of gender and opens up the doors for women empowerment and allows people to take on different, nontraditional roles. I agree that BDSM has the potential to contribute towards a more liberal and equal society. BUT that message is not what is communicated in this best-selling book. It is selling a dominant idea: that women are submissive and men are dominant. It prescribes what BDSM looks like instead of allowing participants to create their own sexual experiences. There are how-to books, guides, and games, all “teaching” us how to mimic the sex illustrated in 50 Shades. To illustrate my struggle with this book I turned to a random page (328) and I quote:

“Hold tight…this is going to be quick, baby.” He grabs my hips and positions himself, and I brace myself for his assault.

Just reading a few lines makes me feel sick. Use of the word, “assault” doesn’t exactly communicate consent and his domination comes across as non-negotiable. If Modleski is right, this book is speaking to real problems in women’s lives: gender inequality. 50 Shades of Grey is mass producing what BDSM sex looks like and I’m very concerned that these fantasies are manifesting in patriarchal, misogynistic, and non-consensual ways.

The online module, Representation Reproduction, evoked some strong reactions in me that I was surprised by. I had no idea how much I care about the politics surrounding abortion, but apparently, I do. After listening to “Abortion controversy heats up for Morgentaler” (http://www.cbc.ca/archives/categories/health/reproductive-issues/dr-henry-morgentaler-fighting-canadas-abortion-laws/abortion-controversy-heats-up.html), I really heard and listened to the Pro Life side for the first time without automatically dismissing it. I recognize that there are different perspectives other than what this women had to say but I will use this example for simplicity sake. To me, what reproduction politics boils down to is murder, morality, and women’s rights. These are HUGE concepts on there own and to be concentrated all together in the discourse of abortion leaves the doors wide open for controversy.

Dr. Morgentaler repeated over and over again “You have a right to your opinion but why do you want to impose your morality onto other women?” This really stuck out to me and I think is a very good point. Being in the situation is very different than being outside, looking in, and casting judgement. There are so many factors that surround the decision to have or not to have the baby and it is ultimately up to the woman, the one who holds the weight of that potential life, to make that choice. It is not up to people who do not understand her circumstances, who do not know her personally, and who do not share her beliefs surrounding sex. Ultimately, everyone is entitled to their own ideas or morality, sex, and abortion. That does not mean that anyone has the right to tell others what is right and wrong.

My Experience with this Module:

Overall, I enjoyed and gained a lot from the material and content portrayed in the module but I would prefer learning it in a classroom setting. I missed interacting with my peers face to face and having heated conversation and debate. Hearing other perspectives and ideas is always a useful exercise and one that I feel is lacking if class is online. It just doesn’t feel right to be sitting at home, alone, in my PJs, talking to my computer, and somehow being “in class.” We talked about the structure of the classroom at the beginning of the semester and how we would feel disappointed if that changed. I feel disappointed and unsatisfied somehow by not being in that structure. By posting this I’m hoping my thoughts are read and understood appropriately but I don’t have the immediate opportunity for clarification that would exist if we were face to face. I’m generally against the shift towards online learning in universities and schools because the experience of physically being in the classroom holds so many more lessons than just the material being taught. People are becoming less relevant as computers become more relevant and I think that holds severe consequences.

All that being said, I think the material conveyed in the module could bring about a whole host of issues if taught in the classroom. People are very attached to their ideas, beliefs, and moralities (me included). To discuss such a sensitive issue of abortion could lead to hostile conversation and be triggering to those who have experienced abortion in some way.

Last class we discussed how the health care system places onus on the individual to prevent cancer and deemphasizes other factors such as the government or corporations. As I flipped through the Canadian Cancer Society pamphlet and stared up at the under-sized knickers, I reflected on my own experience with cancer and individual responsibility.

I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma when I was 13 years of age. Obviously, it changed my childhood a bit. It became a full time job to manage chemo appointments, check ups, and my health. I was placed in a bubble with very strict regime to follow complete with fresh vegetable juice, cocktails of vitamins and medications and severe restrictions. I was not allowed to play sports, go to school, or occupy any public space without a mask. Now, cured, my health and behavior is still stickily policed by me and medical professionals despite my clean bill of health for the past eight years. My point here is to explore the ways in which we are told to avoid cancer though individual actions even though is may be unavoidable.

Every time I step into a doctors office, whether it be for something as simple as a persisting cold, I spend half the appointment telling my cancer story despite it’s irrelevance to my current medical concern. I’m bombarded with questions regarding my drinking habits, exercise regimes, and diet. Stories are the way we understand knowledge, so I tell them my cancer story and defend my lifestyle choices. My cancer story has become integrated into my identity and will be with me forever. Doctors always tie any medical concern back to my medical history. I think it would be similar if I smoked, or was overweight – these are barriers that they cannot see past. I need to defend my lifestyle choices to get them to finally address my current health concern. It’s a battle I face every time I step inside a doctors office.

The Mayo clinic offers seven vague strategies to avoiding cancer, found here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/cancer-prevention/art-20044816. I’ve listed them below:

1) Don’t use tobacco
2) Eat a healthy diet
3) Maintain a healthy weight and be physically active
4) Protect yourself from the sun
5) Get immunized
6) Avoid risky behaviors
7) Get regular medical care

Okay, sure, but we don’t know the true cause of cancer. These seven things are the most basic health advice your can receive and all put the onus on YOU to manage YOUR health. There is no mention of other determinants of health such as social status, employment, social and physical environments, gender, or culture. The structure of medicine is flawed and more emphasis needs to be placed on non-individual factors.

At 13, I received 100% in all these categories but I still got cancer. It could have been genetics, pollutants I was exposed to, plastics that were being mass produced by corporations, who knows. I was not able to be blamed for my cancer given I was a child but now that I’m an adult, that no longer applies. I’m criticized for my rare sun exposure and alcohol ingestion. But I’m patted on the back for my diet, weight, exercise regiment, and other generally healthy habits. I’ve been programmed from a young age to be healthy and I go to extremes to do everything in my power to never end up in the oncology ward again. The reality is that I, as an individual, cannot prevent the development of cancer in myself. Cancer is a medical mystery with no direct cause and effect but we are told that it is our responsibility to prevent cancer in our own bodies. I will be telling my cancer story to every medical professional I encounter and every time I will tell them how I’m successfully or not successfully fulfilling those seven vague cancer prevention strategies. I will still try to prevent the unpreventable. The institution of medicine will not let me separate my current health from my past health, or separate myself from my cancer story. I will always be held responsible.

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