A peer review for my writing partner’s Formal Proposal Draft is presented as one of my best reviews. I created a template with heading to organize my ideas and present my critiques in a nice and concise manner. This assignment was completed in Unit 3.
__________________________________________________________________________
Name of the Reviewer: Huy Nguyen (H.N.)
Author’s Name: Jansen Lee
Date: March 14th 2016
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Proposal Draft
I have reviewed the first draft of your Proposal for “Increasing Efficiency at P&A Pharmacy”. You have created a comprehensive report exploring the possible ways to increase the operational efficiency of P&A. Please take into consideration the suggestions provided to reinforce your proposal.
Initial Impression
When reading the report the first time, the ideas you produced follows a logical flow, naturally leading to your conclusion. The table of contents is organized well and each category is nicely labeled with headings and subheadings. You have demonstrated your understanding with the efficiency operation of P&A and have the background knowledge necessary to improve its productivity with this proposed venture. There appears to be a few missing elements from this report, but with it being a draft report, there will be some topics which will require further development,.
Elements of the Report
The title page, table of contents, introduction, body and conclusion are included in your report, with two elements missing: the diagrams and the recommendations. Visuals are important in helping readers better understand the ideas being conveyed and the recommendations are placed to reinforce the ideas plan of action to the audience. Incorporating these two elements will bring together the paper and provide the audience an understanding of what the proposal is trying to accomplish.
Background, Significance and Definition
The company and the purpose of the report are clearly stated in the “Background” and the “Purpose of Report and Intended Audience” section. This section is somewhat vague and doesn’t explain specifically what the plan is in order to increase the operational efficiency. Utilize the ideas mentioned in your conclusion earlier in the paper, such as the new label printing system, so that the audience can understand the idea right away. You did an excellent job in describing your measure of “operational efficiency” and allowing the reader to understand how the equation relates to increasing functional efficiency. The definition flows well into the next section of the report.
Research and Method Design
The description of the data collection method and its limitations are well labeled in the document. Recognizing that there are limitations to any method of this study and addressing the issues with them is great in maintaining objectivity. There is no diagram in this section however, which makes it difficult to understand the data mentioned in this section. Visuals will go a long way in getting ideas across people. Even though there are numerous equations provided for data presentation, it would be better to explain the outcome of the data using graphics and captions. As mentioned in the course, keep in mind that the reader doesn’t have much time, so the important part of the data should be discussed more so than the process. Therefore, using graphs and visuals will better summarize the data. I would also recommend citing some of the online articles from where you gathered the information on the “Techniques to Improve Operational Efficiency” and expand on the idea relating it to your proposal. This will provide a better background for your audience and give more insight to understand why you are researching this.
Implications of Data and Concluding Section
Further elaboration can be done on the conclusion and the discussion implementing recommendations in light of your data analysis. The summary only states the results of the data leading to higher operational efficiency and doesn’t discuss what they entail and how it affects the company. I suggest thinking about some of these questions when coming up with your conclusion and recommendations:
- What do the results mean in regards to your study?
- How will the results influence the company?
- How should the results be implemented?
You should also re-organize and summarize the body of your report by summing up the following:
- Purpose of study
- Research Questions
- Methods Used
- Potential Implications
Organization and Writing Style
The document is logically organized and the sequence for each topic is clear. Using headings and subheadings throughout the document makes it easier for the reading to find the information and discern each topics. The writing style needs some editing and revisions in order to give the report a more clear and concise tone.
Here are some areas to look at with respect to these revisions:
- Changing the arrows for increasing and decreasing.
- Removing “that is” in “Pharmacy that is Involved…”
- Trying not end with two letter words. “… the more efficient our operation is”
- Removing “into” in “explored into the option of…”
- Change “all we would like to do is…” to “we would like to”
- There are some spacing issues between words and lines in the “Staff Feedback” section.
Final Impression
You have created a very organized draft in your “Proposal for Increasing Efficiency at P&A Pharmacy”. The ideas and concepts are methodically described and your proposed objective can benefit the company of P&A in increasing their efficiency. I recommend an extensive review of your draft proposal with the focus on providing detailed, yet concise information as you formulated your final report. Even though the report is organized in a well thought out manner, the revision of the content will strengthen the quality of the final report. Please take into consideration my recommendation as you re-examine your report. Please contact me if you have any questions with my review, I will be happy to assist you if you require further clarification.