Brent’s Grist Mill Site, October 8, 2015

running around all morning
returning bottles, doing laundry
sending my vote in the mail

things
I’ve been putting off
for weeks

I pulled up and it started raining
–– so I’m sitting in my car
hoping it will pass

I’ve started reading
about pollinators, pollinizers, pollination
syndromes, sonication, convergent evolution

… because I can’t peer into the bushes
and wonder

what goes on in there?

eavesdrop
on conversations:
mutualism, neonicotinoids
brain, navigation, colonies, pollution
mobility, feeding, foraging,
activity, behavior, memory,
learning, invasive …

apparently, there’s a document:
“The Economic Challenge
Posed by Declining Pollinator
Populations”

economic challenge?

as though hordes of beings
wandering around
losing their minds, unable
to go home

form healthy relationships
feed and clothe themselves
take care of their young

their brains addled by chemicals

as though we would do differently
if it were people, instead of bees?

“I don’t have the time, the resources to …”

do anything
this isn’t some lecture, guilt trip
or call to action

we’re tired, busy, stressed out
trying to make it through
one day and the next

can’t live up to what we think
we should be, or think
we’re supposed to be

maybe it is cynical, negative
… but sometimes I wonder
if the disease and decline is in

our society
and the bees, the bees
only reflect that

this isn’t a dirty look
cause you’re using plastic grocery bags

the average working person:
trying to raise a family, be a good person
and make enough money to get by

the average person:
wants something good

community, environment
this site, so beautiful, really

surrounded by parking lots
and concrete blocks
a field half gravel, half plants
(whose names I don’t know)

here, salvageable
surrounded by stress

the oppressive
nature of capitalism
materialism

we need a beautiful garden
a home, a sanctuary
… a shady place of rest

my hour has come
to an end

and I’m still sitting in the parking lot

all the rushing around this morning
the school work and reading
piling up, the rain and the way

my pants don’t fit
because I’ve been eating too much crap
and drinking too much wine. The stupid
emails I sent people last week,

that thing I said to someone that
might be misinterpreted

… the fact that my apartment is a mess
and my clothes all live on the floor
(the floor that needs vacuumed)

my hour here has come to an end
… but it has stopped raining

before I leave, I’m going to walk
into this site and take a breather

I’m going to tend to that place
of beauty and rest

the spaces of sanctuary in my own life