Worms squirming out of the ground? Fine. Worms having a buffet on a leaf? Great. Worms descending from the heavens, clinging onto virtually invisible silk threads, dangling at just the right height that you walk face first into them and fulfil their evil plan to latch onto you unless you squish them and, hence, get delicious worm juice all over your god damn face right before lunch? Fantastic.

 

I’m not bitter at all! Pft, no, I totally enjoy having to stealthily ninja my way around campus, random jerking from side to side and looking like a total moron to everyone else in my painstaking effort to avoid these fleshy tubes of evil. There is just no way to avoid them. You don’t see them until they’re right in your face; breathe in and they’re so light they’ll come swinging towards you; breathe out and you’ve triggered a god damn pendulum effect and – guess what! – there was another bugger behind that one and now their threads are connected so I hope you’re ready for a double whammy of WORM.

 

It’s gotten to the point where I avoid Main Mall when I can and have mapped out strategic routes along Agronomy where there are minimal trees. I’d much rather dodge around cars and go deaf from all the construction going on, thank you very much. Speaking of which, there’s been a ton of construction on campus since school started. Maybe it’s just me making wild assumptions based only on what I see, but everything feels very last minute. You’d think they would do all the road-blocking, highly inconvenient, dusty and noisy pipe laying during the summer when traffic wasn’t so high but, nope, it’s happening right now.

 

By the way, they’ve just finished erecting this fancy looking wooden block by the fountain on Main Mall. There’s another blue block inside of it that whirrs rather interestingly. I still haven’t got a clue what the hell that is – I mean, it looks spiffy and all, but I’m always kind of staring at it curiously whenever I walk by.

 

But Joey, it’s been nearly a whole month since you last updated the blog, and all you’ve written is a rant about stealth worms, construction and a strange wooden box! When are you going to talk about the important stuff? Like midterms! Oh, everyone loves midterms!

 

I figured posts about midterms are a dime a dozen on the net. Whether you want to agonize over them or ’10 Tips on How to Ace That Midterm You’re Totally Screwed For!’, I didn’t feel like I had anything meaningful to contribute. Or maybe that’s just me still suffering from the trauma that was my Microeconomics midterm.

 

See, you think you studied well. Read all the notes. Did all the practice. Did well on a practice exam. But no, I’m sorry, no. That test was a huge slap to the face. No, wait, it wasn’t a slap to a face. It was like a big, burly man, reeking of BO and booze and drugs you don’t even know the names of came kicking down the doors of your sanity and beating you to shit before cackling and sauntering away, leaving you curled in a fetal position on the floor. In a corner. Traumatized.

 

But we’ve all been through that.

 

Except you, Mr/Mrs. Only-One-Who-Got-100%-On-The-Test. Who the hell has even gotten a solid hundred on any test since, like, Junior High? Oh everyone? What do you mean I’m alone. Shush. Let me stew in my jealousy and tears, okay. Honestly, they did well and probably studied their ass off for that test, so good job to them. Kindly ignore my blackened heart and horrifically sore pride.

 

On the upside, I’ve recently taken to fencing as means to vent my anger of the world. Except it’s really not all that efficient for venting.  There is not hacking or slashing or any of that fantastic Inigo Montoya swordplay – you’re mostly poking people and trying to flail around just right so you don’t get poked. It is fun though because you do get a real feeling sword (minus the deadly edges), and with a little bit of imagination aaaaanything is possible.

 

I also joined UBC’s Model UN club, and am set to go to motherfucking Seattle in November! That’s going to be sweet. Training is every Saturday afternoon, which is less sweet because I won’t get to go home on Fridays, but I’m super excited to pretend to be somebody important. The UN is important? What are you, an optimist?  Shut up, that’s a debate for another time.

 

But yes, things are going quite swell roughly one month into university.

 

I’m finally getting settled into my dorm, getting used to those pesky showers, squeaky beds and noisy mini fridges. The only thing now is to be productive, make friends…or something. Isn’t that what everyone does? Go through some magical transformation in the four years they spend at university? I’ll let you know when I get there.

 

For the time being, I’m thinking about suggesting D&D nights with the Nerdfighter Club. I’ve never played before, but I can definitely see myself really getting into it.