So I woke up this morning with an infected throat. I slept too late for two nights in a row and this is the consequence. To those of you who, like me, cannot stay up all night, here is a tip: Don’t.
Now I’m just rather miserable (but the sickness might explain why I was feeling miserable earlier on this week). I hesitate to write the rest of this, but in my current frame of mind, I am not particularly happy about being here at UBC. Now I feel like I just broke a taboo. People are so happy and proud to be here. I was happy and I want to be happy, but I’m not.
Quite frankly, I’m going through the phase of questioning whether I made the right decision in coming here and whether UBC is really the place most suitable for me. Most people don’t talk about it, but I don’t believe that I’m the only one who’s ever asked herself those questions. And not just whether I made the right choice in coming, but whether I’m making the right choice in staying. I’ve been worrying a lot to my secondary school friends lately because it hasn’t turned out the way I wanted it to be. My classes — even my second-year ones — are not very challenging and this is frustrating me immensely. I expected things to be harder, to push myself beyond my current limits, but it’s not really happening. There is plenty of material to learn and a lot of work, but not extremely hard work. And I find I love brain-fry.
People say come October/November, with mid-terms and what-not, everything will get harder. But that seems to be more a time management issue than the academics getting much harder. I’ve also had varied responses as to whether third-year gets very much more intense in terms of material; some say yes, some say no, I really don’t know.
Of course I should be waiting to see what mark I got on my first essay before I say that things are easy because I probably don’t know what I’m talking about. I wish that’s the case.
This negativity of mine could all just be part of a cultural transition. Though I don’t think so — I never expected or wanted to stay in Hong Kong for university.
Plus I think I’m about to get homesick. And it’s still raining.
Now to go hunt for my laundry. Sundays are very busy days for the laundry rooms.
3 responses to “Touching on taboos”