I turned eighteen last Wednesday. I sat on my bed as the clock changed from 11:59 to 12:00 holding my teddy bears and baby blanket and feeling rather morose.

I am not ready to be a grown up.

I had a great birthday though, many thanks to my amazing friends Valentina, Fiona, Amy, Afifa, May, and Jewel. They surprised me with cake and ice cream. And, as everyone knows, the quickest way to a girl’s heart is through cake. Remember that now.

Anyway. Now I’m an adult. I can’t do much though. I can vote, should the opportunity present itself. But that’s about it. I can’t drink (I don’t drink so this isn’t an issue) and I can’t own a credit card or cell phone. So really what’s the point of being called an adult when really you’re just a child?

My brother put it nicely: “You have to have one year in your life when you can’t vote drunk.”

I think he’s probably right. That’s why they did it. Maybe if they let people drink, adolescent voter turnout would be higher.

Just a thought.

I apologize in advance. This is a weird post.

I forgot how much I missed photography.

I went to Stanley Park on Sunday. All alone.

My phone just randomly restarted which is weird.

Anyway, while I was at the park I saw a seagull eating a fish. And then I sat there for about ten minutes photographing it. People were walking by giving me that look: “Ugh. Teenagers.” I didn’t feel like this was entirely warranted, seeing as all I was doing was taking pictures. Maybe they were concerned for the seagull’s privacy.

He looks satisfied and not at all concerned about his privacy.

Anyway, I won’t lie. I’ve been feeling really disconnected and weird lately. It’s like a mix of homesickness and social awkwardness that makes me simultaneously want nothing more to be home and yet not want to leave Vancouver. I wasn’t sure what to do with this feeling and I’m still not quite sure. But a walk in the park helped, as cheesy as it sounds.

Maybe it’s stress. Although that would be odd because usually that’s not how stress manifests itself in me. Usually I just feel headachy and grumpy, not socially disconnected. I won’t say that the walk cleared up everything, because that would be a lie and I don’t lie, but it certainly helped.

How could this not help?

Maybe I should have talked to the seagull. Maybe then I would feel less lonely. (If indeed I am feeling lonely. Which I’m not sure that I am.)

I think I started this post with a point in mind but it’s gone now. Maybe later I’ll post something substantial. But knowing me, probably not.

#No edit #No filter
But actually, this is the real photo.