This has been done and redone and over done, I know that. But it would seem that some of us aren’t getting the message. So I thought, after another immensely frustrating commute, I would help spread the word about this wonderful thing we like to call etiquette. Specifically, transit etiquette.

1. MOVE TO THE BACK OF THE BUS

If the seats are all gone and there’s a huge crowd of people waiting to get on, don’t be the ass that steps only as far at the back door and stops. We know you want to get off of the bus. We all do. But you’re just holding it up and making life miserable for the people who would like to get on and move on with their lives instead of waiting for the next bus. So be a dear, get over yourself, and move to the back.

2. YOU’RE NOT A HERO

On the subject of crowding, for the love of all that is good, don’t stand awkwardly in the aisle if there are free seats. Yes, you might have to sit beside somebody (gasp!) But standing up doesn’t make you a hero–it makes the bus look fuller than it actually is, presents more of a hazard if the bus comes to a sudden stop, and is super annoying for the other people who are standing between you and the driver who would like you to get the hell out of the way so that they can sit down. No one is looking at you thinking: “wow, what a macho man/woman. What strength! What physique! What wonderful biceps and forearms he/she must have to hold on to the bar like that!”

3. BACKPACKS AREN’T PEOPLE

Take it off the seat beside you. This is pretty much the rudest you can be, except for…

4. GET OUT OF THE PRIORITY SEATING

You know what was the saddest thing I ever saw? I got onto the bus at Wesbrook village with my arms completely full of shopping bags. All the seats were taken and two elderly people were standing. One was sitting. The rest were full of university students. The senior that was sitting down offered me his seat so I could put the bags down. No one else blinked an eye. I wept for humanity.

Or the time that I gave up my seat for a man who looked like he would appreciate it, and some university guy actually sits in it before he can. Yeah, that seat wasn’t for you, buddy.

TL;DR: If you are under the age of 65, don’t have a stroller, don’t have crutches or an injury, or otherwise actually need the seat (“I had to walk from Totem to the bus loop today” isn’t valid) Then give the seat to the person who needs it. Exception to this rule, obviously, is if no one needs the seat and the bus is crowded. Then, as previously stated, don’t be a hero.

5. I LIKE, TOTALLY DON’T CARE WHAT MIKE SAID LAST NIGHT

And I’m pretty sure the rest of the bus doesn’t want to hear your phone conversation. I can’t speak for the person on the other end of the line, but I have to imagine the background noise of the bus would be pretty infuriating too.

Look,  the point is: Don’t be an ass while on transit. Most likely no one really wants to be there and everyone would like to get to where they’re going as quickly and comfortably as possible. Be nice to people on the bus, cause karma. And also you never know when the person you didn’t give up your seat for or didn’t move to the back for turns out to be your next TA, employer, or landlord. Just saying.