“Hey, I’m Vicky. Nice to meet you.”
“Me? I’m taking Arts One.”
“Hoping to major in English Literature or Psychology, haha.”
These were my opening statements during the first few weeks at UBC (and now my blog) whenever I met someone new. Safe, ordinary phrases that said more about my education than me as a person. If I had a choice in the matter, this is how I’d rather my introductions begin:
“Hey, I’m Vicky, but you can call me a train wreck because that’s what I am a lot of the time. I get sad a lot and overthink things, but I’m trying my best to remain positive. I’m sorry if I seem strange, though that’d be an understatement, but you seem really cool and I like your shoes.”
“…Wait, where are you going?”
Obviously, based on social circumstances, I can’t simply blather out something like this. Rather, anyone who heard this coming from the mouth of a stranger would probably pretend to have something important to attend to and run away with flailing arms. See, this is the problem I’ve been having for the past few weeks, i.e., how to make friends.
——
Making friends was always a natural process for me. In elementary, you simply walked up to someone and joined in on whatever game or endeavor they were giggling over and boom: instantaneous bonding. Even in high school, making friends was a cinch. The small class sizes coupled with the fact that the faces surrounding you were familiar as there were only so many classes to take made it so that forming relationships was simple enough. I made friends over laughing and complaining about courses and teasing and in unknown ways. Before I knew it, I had a group of lovely people whom I wanted to share all my experiences with. These people made school worthwhile – although learning was great, getting to be with the people I liked was what kept me going.
But high school didn’t last forever. Of course, that would have been weird. We all parted ways for university and made the most of our last summer together. (is this a soap opera stop it Vicky) I wasn’t too worried; surely we’d stay in touch and I’d make some friends in university and it’d all work out somehow. But after being on campus for two weeks, I realized that I had forgotten how to make friends. Something that used to come so naturally was replaced by something else: uncertainty. Fear. Insecurity. For the first time in my life, I felt pressured to make friends.
Suddenly, I felt as if my childish beliefs and things I adored couldn’t compare to some of the thoughts and interests of my peers. I didn’t have a burning passion for anything. I was boring, and shy, and awkward in social situations. Even working up the courage to strike up a conversation was nerve-wrecking. I always went home right after classes because I convinced myself that “it’ll happen tomorrow.” But the ‘me’ in those tomorrows I had envisioned was still the ‘me’ in those yesterdays. A coward.Β When my friends asked how school was and shared all of their great experiences with people with me, I’d tell them “That’s great!” and they’d ask “So how’s everything going with you?” to which the only response I could give was “Fine.”
To be honest, I haven’t been a total hermit. I’ve made contact (alien??) with people in my classes, and I think that my overwhelming desire to skip through the awkward first stages of the friendship and head straight to the part where it would be acceptable to insult each other lovingly is what has been making this especially difficult. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that this connection has always been there in some form. These days, people don’t want to break down their walls nor do they have the time for ‘about me’s – they want a name, a face and something that indicates you’re special in a way. Or normal. None of this “I’m kind of sad” business, which I totally understand because, hey, bearing your soul to a perfect stranger is irrational. So I guess normalcy will have to do. “Hey, I’m Vicky, and I’m in Arts One”s will have to suffice until I’m able to tell someone that sometimes, I like the stems on flowers more than the flower itself because it’s proof that it’s connected to the world and alive; that I find solace in thunderstorms because they drown out the silence surrounding me; that the rain will forever be comforting because it swims even as it falls and breaks.
It’ll happen tomorrow. I might still be the ‘me’ I am today but it’s all I’ve got, and in the wise words of Kevin G:
Maybe ‘me’ is good enough to make a few friends. Β 
First of all – “that the rain will forever be comforting because it swims even as it falls and breaks.” damn girl you are such an amazing writer i am not even kidding
Okay, so as for “friends”. I had this as a huuuuge problem too since like you, I’m a commuter and I don’t really stick around after class or whatever, but ARTSONE. Dude, I honesty thought I wouldn’t make ANY friends in my seminar because I’m so antisocial, but ~tutorials~ happened and I was forced to talk to people and have lunch with them and walk with them to Crawf’s room and make small talk. And then after tutorials we’d discuss more after and IT’S AUTOMATIC. You just become friends with them. (I thought I would never talk to anyone in my seminar but duuude even up to now I’m still bffs with my ArtsOne fam)
It’s 2am and I’m not even sure if articulate anymore and I have to wake up in 5 hours so I’ll stop now but to end this comment: it’s gonna be hella awesome. I mean honestly YOU HAVE CRAWFORD. He’s bound to do something funny or or silly or whatever and you’d all bond on it.
Eeeeee thank you Josella. ;w; Yeah I’m feeling kinda distant from my seminar peeps right now (they’re awesome people but I just don’t know them well yet xD) but hopefully tutorials can work their magic!! Kinda nervous about them too though. π
Yes Crawford is pretty fantastic. Thank you for staying up so late to comment. <3 It means a lot and I feel a bit relieved hearing your words. π
Omg I identify with this so much! Sometimes I can’t take it anymore and I say something I normally wouldn’t to a stranger (i.e. revealing something not very nice about myself). Sometimes it ends up really well (OMG ME TOOOOO and lots of cheers and huzzahs and bffl) but most of the time they just look at me like I’m weird…
.. It’s so hard being social.
It is hard. =[ But I guess it makes it totally worthwhile once you find someone you really connect with. π
Hi Vicky!
I too, am in Arts One B and as a commuter student who is new to the city, I find myself having the same problem as you. I’m interested to see how this pans out for both of us.
We also have some classes in common – we should chat sometime!
Hey Michaela!!
That’s awesome! Whose seminar are you in? We’re starting our essays real soon. :S
Hopefully things work out for the better for the both of us. Not without a little effort though!
Yes! What other electives are you taking? π
Don’t worry, it may take some time, but you’ll find friends. I totally relate to this post though! When I first started at UBC, the first month or so I was really sad and homesick for at least the first month! You’re not the only one. I always felt boring and shy and awkward as well, but given time you’ll find the right people you fit in with π
I hope so. =] I guess I need to find some patience within myself. π Thank you!!
Are you enjoying UBC now? ^_^
Oh yes! I’m in my third year now and properly settled π
Sweet! May I ask what faculty or major? π
Nice to meet you π This is a beautiful first post. Not depressing at all…I really connect with it/you!
My favourite quote that you wrote is: “until Iβm able to tell someone that sometimes, I like the stems on flowers more than the flower itself because itβs proof that itβs connected to the world and alive; that I find solace in thunderstorms because they drown out the silence surrounding me; that the rain will forever be comforting because it swims even as it falls and breaks.” wow.
you’re right, making friends at university is so much harder than anywhere else. in high school/elementary school, i was pretty interesting and popular with my peers…now i come to UBC and feel super inferior and uninteresting!
Want to be friends?
Nice to meet you Abbie! π Oh thank you! I was worried I may have blabbered out too many things in my first post, haha. But yeah, I’m feeling pretty inferior and ignorant at this point. x_x Hopefully that’ll change within the course of this term though!
I would love to be friends!! We could hang on campus. I’m also on Facebook and Skype regularly so I’m up for anything anytime. =]
I can totally identify with you. Making friends had always been so natural and automatic for me before I started university. But these past few weeks, I have found it painstakingly difficult even just to break the ice and talk to my seatmates in my big lecture classes. So just like you, I go home right after my classes everyday just because I do not know anyone at school to spend the rest of my day with. Well, I guess we just have to remind ourselves that the beginnings are usually the hardest? Pretty sure we’ll find our niche at this big university soon π
Thank you for articulating your feelings so eloquently in this blog post! You seem like an awesome person to talk to–hope I will have the chance to converse with you at our next Blog Squad meeting! π
I totally feel you! It’s been intimidating for sure, so I’ve just been hanging around some of my high school friends – which of course, is totally cool – but I hope that we can both conquer these awkward first steps and find our places. π
Ahh, thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and sharing yours!! I hope indeed that we do, or feel free to message me on Facebook anytime to chat. π