I Miss My Cup of Comfort

In the pouring rain, I drove down the highway. I always drive the Sea to Sky with a cup of hot coffee in my cupholder, waiting for it to cool down until I can take a sip.  I’m not feeling particularly motivated to get to work- it’s a Monday morning after all- and I know that there’s this beautiful little spot called Gallileo Coffee at Britannia Beach.  When I get to Britannia, I debate, but then find myself pulled over in the parking lot, and soon, wrapping my hands around a warm cup of coffee with two sugars.

The ritual of having a cup of coffee sometimes is a little too comforting to pass up.  I keep revisiting my reasoning and wondering why I felt like I needed to give up coffee.  I keep thinking why didn’t I just try to drink a LOT of water- why did I feel like I had to give up coffee too?

The more I try to kick coffee, the more I realize how much I miss my cup of comfort.  The more I miss that cup of coffee, the more I realize how much more important it must be for me to give it up. 

Caffeine is an addictive substance, but I’ve moved beyond the point where the physical addiction would come into play.  Now I find the psychological addiction is so much stronger.  The idea that I’m *that* psychologically addicted seems really disturbing to me.

I used to work in substance abuse prevention, and in those days, I found it frustrating when people talked about those with addictions as “having a lack of willpower.”  But I have to admit, as I’m trying to kick coffee, I’m shaming myself with “why are you not strong enough!?” types of naggings.  And at the same time, I have the little devil on the other shoulder telling me that I don’t really need to quit coffee in the first place.  The truth be told, this is reminding me about how much more compassion I should have for those with addictions to much more destructive drugs (like alcohol or tobacco or cocaine).  Because this is SO HARD.

I have a new argument to fight against the dirty devil on my shoulder, however.  For my birthday last week, one of my best friends gave me the gift of health. He knows that i have a ton of food allergies (I should carry a sign that says “please don’t feed me dairy, soy or eggs or kiwis or bananas”), and he sees me struggling consistently with feeling listless for no reason.   So he told me to go see a naturopath.  I believe in naturopaths and the like, but haven’t seen one since last year when I moved.

The naturopath tells me that there are a lot of things I need to do to fix my digestion (I won’t list them all here) which will ultimately fix my energy levels.  One of the things on the list is, of course: DO NOT DRINK COFFEE.

So there you go.  I have yet another reason to fight against my consistent impulse to go buy a cup of dark roast at the corner coffee shop.  I have to admit though- I had two cups of coffee last week, and another on Monday morning… so I’m really going to have to work at this.  So far it seems I haven’t really kicked my coffee habit at all. 

Is there possibly anybody out there who HAS quit coffee?!  I know folks who never drink coffee, but none that have actually loved it and left it.  It’d be nice to have a little I Quit Coffee Club…