A recent assessment of the New York Times Twitter account (which has 1.25 million followers) found that of the 86 recipes listed as “Vietnamese,” 95% are catalogued as having white authors.  

Listening in the Ethnic Aisle

Shopper 1: You know how there’s a Chinese master stock that gets used in all their dishes? Is there such thing as a Vietnamese master stock?
Shopper 2: Want me to Google it?
S1: There’s no signal in here.
S2: Too bad, I thought I saw something in Bon Appetit magazine the other day. What do you need it for, anyway?
S1: Nothing specific, it’s just I really want to master Vietnamese food.
S2: Why Vietnamese food?
S1: Oh…the flavours are so…exotic. I’m hooked. Peanut sauce. Star anise. Those sandwiches with the pickles–they’re so good and so cheap. I’d eat five if the bread didn’t have so much gluten in it.  Plus I’m kind of bored with Thai cooking and I want to try something new.
S2: But your tom yum soup is just so yum!
S1: It’s getting a little tired for me. And they say Vietnamese food is the new Thai food. “Pho is the new ramen!”
S2: Isn’t ramen Japanese?
S1: Whatever.
S2: Hey check it out! Campbell’s makes pho broth in a tetrapack now…and it comes in low sodium. That’s awesome.
S1: What? Gross. Get that inauthentic shit away from me.

*

Yes, please shower me with more of your authority and fascination and mastery of Asia…n cooking. Tell me–in your quest for flavour authenticity, did you even go so far as to get yourself to Thailand? Did you attend a cooking class there? Oh wow. May I be only one among many to congratulate you on your sense of adventure and your commitment to culinary mastery! Your dedication to the truly exotic flavours of the East! I bet you eschew ketchup for tamarind pulp when you make pad thai. You might even skip that plump and luscious (organic!) fresh turmeric from Hawaii that’s all over grocery store shelves these days. And for good reason. Only the jet-fresh shabbiness of Thai-grown turmeric is fit for your hand blended artisanal curry pastes, am I right?

And now that you’ve honed your skills conquering one exotic cuisine (not counting that summer you dabbled in Afro-Caribbean veganism–remind me what’s it called again? Ittle? Eetal?), the possibilities are endless. And this store. This aisle. It’s delightful. It’s the world at your fingertips, without the bother of finding a safe parking spot at one of those grubby ethnic stores where no takes Visa and no one speaks English. This place has everything you need to master any cuisine you desire (at least, the ones that are chic for the time being.  The ones that matter). Bonus: you can collect Air Miles while you’re at it.

Oh. But unfortunately (or fortunately!) you’re such a pioneer, you’re ahead of the curve on this and Vietnamese food isn’t quite on trend yet. You might not be able to find all the fresh ingredients in the produce section here, and you’ve already read somewhere that you can’t make real Vietnamese food without all those herbs…Thai basil and those other ones with names no one can pronounce. So if you really want to master this thing (and I know you do), you’re going to have to suck it up and go on a little Chinatown scavenger hunt.

Here’s a brilliant idea: pick up one of those sandwiches with the pickles while you’re down there. Get a recommendation for the most authentic sandwich place from your one Vietnamese friend–you don’t want some whitewashed sandwich that’s nothing like the real deal, because you are the real deal. And start considering your Instagram filters right now, because that place is selfie heaven for the food obsessed. Get one with a dry goods display–that’s a classic. And those stores won’t be around too much longer, what with all the new developments coming up. It’s just too bad you’re going to have to deal with all the street people, the seniors (sigh. Get out of the way, grandma), and all those protesters. Sure, you’ll have to keep an eye on your purse, but think of it like a game. You’ve been to Thailand. You’ve got this.  

True–nothing in Chinatown is labelled in English and the staff never understand your questions–but thank god for smartphones and data plans. It used to be a real nightmare trying to communicate the most basic ideas. Sometimes it felt like the staff didn’t even want to help you. But now that Google can translate everything, you don’t have to rely on them anymore. The only thing you really have to worry about is whether or not the produce was locally sourced–and the fact that all those leafy things kind of look the same. Maybe someday there will be an app for that. Oh–make sure you avoid anything imported from China. You cannot trust anything that came from China. And hygiene. Make sure you wash your food at least three times before you cook it. Chinatown. Is. Crawling. With. Vermin. All those open bulk bins–don’t things just crawl all over the merchandise at night?

Look, all of this sounds like a hassle, but it’s not a big deal. I promise you: mastering the authentic, sophisticated flavours of the Mekong will be worth all the trouble. You are an intrepid culinary explorer. You are worth it.