The Lover: Is she really in control

I want to start by saying this book surprised me in that the relationship with the older man was so readily accepted. The narrator explains the story as if the natural hierarchy is dismantled, which would be nice in theory but I believe she is deluded in her train of thought. In the lecture, it is discussed that the love interest is a victim to the gaze and that by making him look she is the one with power. This book is written from the narrators perspective, and if she thinks it is true then of course she is going to tell the story as if it is true. While her lover is a coward, avoiding talks of marriage and being subservient to his father, he will always have some sort of upper hand just be being older and having money. I will give her credit in that she is very intelligent for her age and does manage to gain benefit for herself through this inappropriate relationship. I think in part that is why the relationship might not be such a red flag at first glance because the narrator presents and describes herself as a rather mature woman than a teen. I also find it interesting the racial dynamics in the novel. While the usual expectation would be for them to get married, their racial identities create barriers. No matter their economic status, her and her family maintain a level of self assurance simply because they are white. Her family looks down upon her lover in a way where they ignore him (ignore him but not his money). While the narrator is also faced with being scene as prostitute or rather ‘the little white whore’. Their ‘love’ contended with this obstruction and is not accepted into greater society. Its interesting to read this book while I am learning about Vietnam in history, we don’t focus too much on France’s colonial rule but I find the white persons presence in Vietnam and their relationship to the native people relevant to know about. As I have said, her family even while being poor, hold their heads high because they believe their skin colour makes them the better.

My question for the class is, how their relationship stood to represent a time in history before a long devastating war, what anecdotes can we take away from the timeline and how does it fit into the larger story the political landscape that is to come? (sorry thats a little wordy)

3 thoughts on “The Lover: Is she really in control

  1. Tes

    Naz, glad to see you watched the lecture. You highlight some important points when it comes to power in relationships. I think, like you mentioned, the relationship exacerbates the race dynamics. The colonial and neocolonial dynamics played a huge role in everything that has happened in Vietnam. I hope you get to explore some of it too!

    Thanks for your comment!
    – Tesi

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  2. Anonymous

    Hi! I agree with your point that perhaps the narrator is deluded in her train of thought as she does dismantle the natural hierarchy that should come along with their age gap. While their relationship challenges conventional norms, it doesn’t or shouldn’t necessarily erase the power imbalances inherent in their age difference and socioeconomic status.

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