It’s really hard to be alone.
I came to UBC knowing that most of my closest friends wouldn’t be here, but I thought it would be ok. I’m a pretty independent person anyway. I still get to see them just not as much as I would like even though none of them moved overseas or anything. It’s not like they would be in my classes either, but it makes more of a difference than I thought.
You think I would’ve felt this loneliness earlier and not when the school year is nearing it’s end. The feeling just suddenly hit me today when I was riding the skytrain home.
Maybe it’s not loneliness but nostalgia. I do wonder what it would be like to be going to the same school as them though.
How must it feel to be an international student? Maybe I’m underestimating the difficulty but it seems like it’s harder to be nearby and not see your friends than far away and not see them. Am I heartless? I don’t think so, it’s just my thought. I’m not bent on it, you can change my mind if you want.
Ok, I’m not totally alone, I’ve made friends, I like being around them. But when it’s time to go home… wait. Maybe it’s that long lonely commute I hate.
I’m not really sure how lonely you’re feeling, but here, when you’re alone, it’s emphasized. There’s always something going on around you and when you’re not a part of it, you feel left out and alone. How often do you hang out with your friends here? Could you hang out with them more?
It’s hard for both local and international people, but in different ways. If you’re local, it feels like your ties are weakening since you aren’t seeing each other as regularly and if you’re international, you’re physically gone from them for a long period of time, but usually you go back and spend a lot of time with them while you’re there.
I’m pretty sure your loneliness kicked in now because at the beginning of the year people always say “Alright! I’m going to find some friends, and this will be awesome, and I’ll always be doing something with someone!” and when that doesn’t happen, you say “Well, maybe it’s too early” and make up various excuses. But by this time in the year, you’ve run out of excuses and you just feel lonely.