For this week’s blog post, I read the novel “The Lover” by Marguerite Duras. To start, I feel as if I have many thoughts and opinions on this book but in some sense do not know how to articulate them as there is a lot to say. So, I am going to start from the beginning and say that my initial thoughts of this novel were that it is quite disturbing and uncomfortable yet realistic in some sense.
In the novel, the young narrator (Duras) begins a sexual relationship with a much older Chinese man. This relationship was intolerable as the girl was 15 and the man was much older. The man was receiving sexual pleasure out of the relationship while in return the narrator was getting money from the man. We see that there seems to be this exchange as a sexual relationship emerges rather quickly after the man meets the narrator and once there is a conversation about her financial state. This concept of monetary exchange for sexual pleasures and a relationship is troublesome considering the age difference between the two individuals. This made me feel sad as the narrator was doing whatever she could do to provide for her family who was not the greatest, especially her older brother who was quite abusive. Learning the family dynamics and more details about the narrator’s relationship sparked some real-world connections. For example, in some parts of India, some families use their daughters for monetary gain in a similar way to how the narrator is. Families are aware that the girls are using their bodies and engaging with older men for money or it is encouraged to do so as money is tight. As a young woman, I cannot imagine how women in this situation feel or the mental toll that such a situation takes.
On the other hand, this novel sparked emotions of anger towards “the lover” who was the man in the relationship. He willingly engaged in such a relationship with a young woman, feeling like he took advantage of her for sexual reasons. It was also gross that the man knew that what he was doing was illegal but still continued to do it. This was disheartening as this also happens in the real-world via predators and pedophiles. However, this question of who is taken advantage of gets tricky as they were both getting something out of it even though it is unsettling.
Discussion Question:
Who did you feel was taken the most advantage of in the relationship and why?
“the young narrator (Duras)”
But note that the narrator is not young! The narrator is old, as she tells us right at the outset (and I mention in my lecture). She is looking back to when she was young… But we should not confuse the narrator as she is now (as an old woman looking back and remembering) and her when she was a girl, in the story she is telling. She may have quite different views now. (We’ve seen this in a number of books we’ve read… from Proust to Laforet, for instance).
Indeed, there is a lot here in this book about memory and time passing. How does the passage of time affect the narrator’s view of what happened in the past?
I think it’s hard to define a relationship by whether or not it’s taking advantage, especially this one which seems pretty freaky to me. But at the very least, the man is taking a strong position in the emotional relationship. Even though he always says he loves her, he has no intention of taking responsibility, much less thinking about the future. He just used money to get rid of the teenage girl, like a deal.