This memorandum is a peer review of Sidney Singh’s report about maintaining active membership in the Creative Writing Student Association (CWSA) at the University of British Columbia. This review shows I can work collaboratively to give colleagues thorough advice.

MEMORANDUM

To:                  Sidney Singh, Student of ENGL 301

From:              Phillip Tellier, Student of ENGL 301

Date:               November 19, 2021

Subject:          Peer Review of Formal Report on Recommendations for the CWSA

On November 16, 2021, you emailed me a formal report about CWSA recommendations to peer review. It is my assignment to peer review the report to help improve your writing. I have broken down the review into sections according to the sections of your report. Additionally, I added feedback about grammar, formatting, style and organization.

Title Page and Table of Contents:

The title page looks good. It is missing the distribution date, but I know this will be added when the date is actually known. I suggest adding your position in the CSWA after your name. The Table of contents is well organized, but I propose adding a section for “Tables and Figures” after it on the same page.

INTRODUCTION:

Abstract:

The abstract would serve as part of a good introduction, but an abstract is meant to be an overview of the entire report. Hence, it could be improved by adding a brief summary of the results and the final recommendations. The background information and methods could be shortened so that it still fits into one page.

History of the CWSA:

This section explained the purpose of the CWSA well. It properly gives context for the rest of the report.

Revisions relevant for the Report:

It was easy to understand the CWSA’s rules as presented. The overview of the Former and Current CWSA structure is also helpful. These “figures” could be more accurately labelled as tables. The current heading for these tables could be appended to the end of the table number, e.g., “Table 1: Former CWSA Structure”.

CWSA Sandbox:

This background was well-put and essential to understand the importance of the CWSA sandbox course.

Overview of Problem and Purpose of Report:

The problem addressed in the report is clearly described. This helped me understand the importance of the results and recommendations.

Methods:

The methods of data collection were clearly laid out. There is extra information about participants in the data section that I suggest moving into this section.

Scope:

The scope correctly identifies the questions explored by the data collected. However, I suggest adhering to the traditional format of an analytical formal report and putting this information in paragraph form instead of a numbered list.

DATA SECTION:

First Section:

The first paragraph is useful information, but since it is about participant information, it makes sense to move this into the methods section. The following paragraphs do a good job of summarizing the survey responses. I suggest giving a subheading like “results” to this section so that it is not an unnamed subsection. Figure 3 was visually pleasing, but I struggled to understand why the data was presented in a chart for categorical data. Is it not true that a respondent could be interested in more than one opportunity at once? Charts for categorical data are meant to represent mutually exclusive options. I propose adding an explanation in the report, perhaps in the methods section.

Observations during Research:

With enough thought, all the observations listed appear to be relevant to maintaining CWSA members in some way. Since the goal of this report is to make recommendations, I suggest also writing about possible actions that follow based on the observations. Currently, all the recommendations are outlined in the conclusion, so they could be moved from there. The conclusion, however, would still include a brief summary of the recommendations

CONCLUSION:

You properly summarized the findings of the formal report. I like the suggestion for further research on social media preferences. As stated above, I suggest keeping only a summary of the recommendations in the conclusion.

Works Cited:

The works cited list is appropriately styled in APA.

Grammar, Formatting, Style:

For the most part, the formatting and style were good. Here are a few grammatical errors I found:

• In the Abstract: the reference “(UBCCreativeWriting.com)” should be outside of the quotes. Otherwise, this would mean “(UBCCreativeWriting.com)” was actually written by your source.
• Throughout the report: “Membership” refers to the status of being a member. It does not refer to the members themselves. Thus, “a survey to the entire membership” could be edited to “a survey to all members”.
• In Revisions relevant to this report: In the first sentence, “pertain” could be corrected to “pertinent”.
• In History of the CWSA: I recommend using commas to separate introductory phrases from independent clauses. For instance, the first sentence in the section would be edited to “Created in 2010, (ibid) the CWSA is intended to represent the needs and concerns of its members”.

Organization:

Other than the suggestions above to move certain information into different sections, the organization was top-notch.

Enclosure: Formal Report on Recommendations for the CWSA – Sidney Singh

I wrote a complaint letter about cell phone repair at Black Apple Cellular and a bad news letter in response to the complaint. The letters display my ability to be positive in the midst of a bad situation, and present otherwise unwelcome news in a professional, sympathetic, and tactful manner.

3567 West 15^th Avenue

Vancouver, BC V6L 4H7

____________________________________

June 10^th, 2021

Mr. Daniel S. Beuchamp

3980 Shelbourne Street

Victoria, BC V8N 6J3

Dear Mr. Beuchamp:

On June 8th, 2021 I came to black apple cellular to get my Asus Zenfone Max 4 fixed (model ZE554KL). The ear speaker was broken due to liquid spilled into it. An employee, “Trevor”, agreed to replace it with the part I ordered from Amazon and he charged me $25.53 for the labour involved. When the phone was returned to me, Trevor said that the part I provided was not compatible with the phone, so although he dismantled my phone to check if it was compatible, the new speaker was not installed. Shortly after, I found that the “home” button on the phone was unresponsive. Since the home button is fundamental to the use of the phone, the phone is now unusable.

If I was provided with a refund for the inconvenience of the phone being unusable, you would have another satisfied customer. I believe this is only fair since in the end there was no beneficial service to my phone provided. I enjoy the great atmosphere and the customer service at Black Apple, so hopefully we can work out compensation in exchange for continued business.

Best regards,

Phillip F. Tellier

PFT

BLACK APPLE CELLULAR INC.

3980 Shelbourne Street

Victoria, BC V8N 6J3

____________________________________

June 11^th, 2021

Mr. Phillip F. Tellier

3567 West 15^th Avenue

Vancouver, BC V6L 4H7

Dear Mr. Tellier:

I am sorry to hear your phone is not working. It is tough to have the device we use to stay connected with our friends and family suddenly break. It is true that your phone was not fixed and that the ear speaker part you provided was not compatible. To clarify about the home button not working, often water damage spreads overtime due to water still being trapped in the phone. Water can also spread more easily when the phone is dismantled, so I suspect the damage was inevitable. We are unable to offer a refund because labour was still provided. This policy allows us to have reasonable prices for customers like yourself.

On the bright side, you did learn that the part provided was not compatible, which could not have been known otherwise. To make sure you are satisfied, we will fix the phone for no extra charge if compatible parts for the home button and ear speaker are provided. We are happy to help with any further cellular needs

Yours truly,

Daniel S. Beuchamp, Service Technician at Black Apple Cellular

DSB

This memorandum to Evan Crisp is about the best way to ask a professor to be admitted to an already full class. The memo was practice for writing with a “you” attitude when giving constructive criticism. This entails staying positive, protecting the reader’s ego, avoiding imperative verbs, and emphasizing the reader’s benefit to following the advice given.

MEMORANDUM

To: Evan Crisp, Student at UBC
From: Phillip Tellier, Student of ENGL 301 at UBC
Date: November 7, 2021
Subject: How to Write with a “You” Attitude

Recently, you emailed a professor asking to be added to their full English class. Regrettably, no response was sent by the professor. On the bright side, it is definitely a good idea to reach out to a professor when help is needed with class related issues. Here are a few tips that can help make emails more persuasive.

Suggested Strategy

Human beings are fundamentally focused on the self and therefore respond better when they can see how something will benefit them. Writing with a “you” attitude by focusing on reader benefit and making the reader feel important will result in more persuasive writing. Specifically, a professor might be more willing to enroll someone in an already full class.

Proposed Edits

Instead of writing that “any three credits” will do to graduate, and that the class was chosen because of the time it takes place, one suggestion is trying to make the professor feel special. For example, an improvement would be writing that the class is interesting because of the reputation of the professor.

The reason for taking the class could also be rephrased to focus on reader benefit:

• Original: “The 8:00 am section is way too early in the morning for me, so I refuse to take that one.”
• Suggested Edit: “It’s far easier to interact with a class that is fully awake, if added to a section besides 8:00am I would be perkier and participate more.”

Conclusion:

Keeping these tips in mind is sure to get a positive response from recipients. With a little luck, this strategy will allow entry into a full course as well.

I created a list of the ten best practices for networking on LinkedIn to teach other technical writing students. Creating this list honed my networking expertise. This memorandum is an example of good advice written in a professional format.

MEMORANDUM

To:                  All members of Team Potluck, ENGL 301 writing team

From:              Phillip Tellier, Student of ENGL 301

Date:               October 19, 2021

Subject:          Best Practices for Networking on LinkedIn

One of our assignments for ENGL 301 is to share a list of ten best practices with our writing team. The list topic is professional networking on LinkedIn, a social media website specifically catering to professionals. Here are the recommendations I have found:

• Regularly check out the “people you may know” section to grow your network (Smulders).
• Keep your profile up to date so that colleagues can learn about your skills and possibly decide to connect (Murray Resources).
• A connection request should always include a personalized message unless you know the requestee very well. Professionals would rather network with people that show genuine interest in what they do (Smulders).
• Attend events advertised on LinkedIn that are related to your career interests. Reach out to interesting attendees during or after the event knowing mutual attendance gives you something in common (Smulders).
• Frequently write posts that display your knowledge about the fields of work you are interested in. This increases your visibility to others doing that work (Smulders).
• Put a LinkedIn URL on your resume so that employers can learn more if they want to (Duszyński).
• Reach out to people that have been out of contact for awhile. A strong network needs to be maintained (Prasad).
• Once you are better acquainted with individuals from your network, ask for advice (Prasad).
• Browse and join any interesting LinkedIn groups to gain insights from professionals with similar goals (Smulders).
• Share the posts you like from connections. This helps build a relationship with those connections (Smulders).

Keeping this list in mind when using LinkedIn should help grow your professional prospects.

Works Cited

Duszyński, Maciej. How to Put LinkedIn on a Resume (Examples & Guide). 5 October 2021. 2021 19 October. <https://zety.com/blog/linkedin-on-resume>.

Murray Resources. The Importance of Keeping Your LinkedIn Profile Up to Date. 18 December 2018. 19 October 2021. <https://murrayresources.com/the-importance-of-keeping-your-linkedin-profile-up-to-date/>.

Prasad, Kiran. Four Tips to Network on LinkedIn. 12 June 2020. 19 October 2021. <https://blog.linkedin.com/2020/may/june/12/four-tips-to-network-on-linkedin>.

Smulders, Stefan. How to Network on LinkedIn – 10 Do’s and Don’ts for You to Consider. 4 May 2021. 19 October 2021. <https://expandi.io/blog/how-to-network-on-linkedin/>.

The formal report proposal, progress report, and survey below were instrumental in the planning process of writing a thorough report on the “negative effects of long-term sitting” for the computer science student society (CSSS). They were sent early on to Dr. Erika Paterson, a technical writing professor at the University of British Columbia, for feedback. The proposal and progress report demonstrate the ability to initiate and organize a large writing project within an organization. The survey shows I can design a way to gather data from many different people.

Formal Report Proposal

To: Dr. Erika Paterson

From: Phillip Tellier

Date: October 14, 2021

Subject: Proposal for a Report on Reducing the Negative Effects of Sitting for BCS Students

Intended Audience

The primary audience for the report will be UBC students in the Integrated Computer Science program (BCS program) at the University of British Columbia. I plan to work with the computer science student society (CSSS) on my formal report. They can distribute the report to students who are interested in learning more about how sitting for too long can affect them. As such, the secondary audience is partly the executive team of the CSSS. Other possible readers are UBC faculty who would approve the report distribution, and anyone who students might choose to share the report with.

Introduction

There is both concern and misconception about the effects of regularly sitting for long periods of time in the workplace. Students in the BCS program seem to have a general understanding that being sedentary for too long or often is bad for your health. Unfortunately, they are not certain of the best strategies to negate these issues or the magnitude of the problem.

Statement of Problem

Computer science students are required to sit for long periods of time to complete coursework. Many graduates will reach a career in software development, data analytics, and information technology, where most work is done at a sitting desk. Even in the roles that aren’t directly applicable to computer science which students might fill, sitting is common. Administration, and management jobs are examples. It is well known that a sedentary lifestyle is bad for one’s heath, but not specifically the likelihood of common negative effects. For example, on average how much is lifespan shortened by a sitting job compared to a more active role? What proportion of workers who sit for the majority of their shift will develop chronic back pain? It is important that students be aware of the risks as well as possible solutions so that they have they can be proactive in their response.

Proposed Solution

Knowing more about the detrimental effects of sitting gives BCS students the choice to withdraw and pursue options that are healthier. Knowing a remedy for the effects, they can apply it. Hence, an investigation of health effects and health solutions to sitting should be conducted to aid them. I will research common disorders caused by sitting, the possible lifestyle adjustments, and modifications to office equipment that students can make to protect their health. The findings will be presented in a formal report.

Scope

To be thorough, the proposed investigation of how sitting affects students will look into the following:

1. The opinions of BCS students on how detrimental sitting can be, and what will effectively combat the problem
2. Health disorders commonly caused by long-term sitting such as back pain and obesity.
3. Comparing the “standing desk” to a sitting desk. Is it a viable alternative?
4. The importance of proper sitting posture
5. Exercise as a way to prevent or undo the negative effects

Methods

I will ask BCS students to participate in a survey that collects their opinions. I will create graphics of the statistics I collect for my report. I will also explore peer reviewed research publications to answer the questions on health effects and possible solutions. This will include both primary and secondary sources.

My Qualifications

As a BSc graduate in biochemistry from the University of Victoria, I am well equipped to write a formal report on scientific research. Since biochemistry is related to the health sciences, I will be quick to grasp the ideas presented in literature. As a BCS student who feels well connected to the BCS community. I should have no trouble finding students to complete a survey. I have personally experienced some of the effects of sitting for far too long, and have heard the complaints. Therefore, I am well acquainted with the issue.

Conclusion

There is no doubt that long-term sitting presents some detriment to health, so it’s important that the danger is quantified and anyone at risk is warned. In this way, we can prevent ill health by encouraging students to take action according to the science. Please inform me if I have your approval for this research project at your earliest convenience.

Progress Report for the Formal Report

MEMORANDUM

To:                  Dr. Erika Paterson, English professor at the University of British Columbia

From:              Phillip Tellier, Student of ENGL 301 at the University of British Columbia

Date:               October 28, 2021

Subject:          Progress Report for Formal Report on the Effects of Long-Term Sitting

Dear Dr. Erika Paterson,

I have begun to plan and research for my formal report on the effects of long-term sitting. The audience for this report is primarily UBC computer science students. I am working with the computer science student society (CSSS) to create this report. Specifically, I will present my report to the vice president of volunteering services, Shubha Bhalla. He will help distribute the report to students interested in the findings via email and social media. Other potential readers are anyone besides students following CSSS social media and emails.

The report’s purpose is to raise awareness about what students can do to protect their health from sitting too long. This includes fixing misconceptions about solutions that actually do not work. It is important that students are well informed on risks to their health and possible fixes. If they are, students can be proactive and improve their future quality of life against problems like back pain and obesity.

My research process will proceed in this order:

• Compose a survey of the opinions of computer science students. The survey will gauge how much misinformation there is about sitting. It will also gauge the level of concern students have.
• Identify the problem at hand by administering the survey to students. I will aim for 25 minimum completed surveys. Donut charts will be created to display the results in my report.
• Explore research publications on health disorders caused by long-term sitting. I will also research exercise, standing desks, and better posture as potential remedies to the problem.

I have also planned a writing schedule for my work with these deadlines:

• Oct. 29: compose the survey
• Nov. 1: administer the survey to students
• Nov. 5: create informational graphics for and write about the survey results
• Nov. 12: research negative effects of sitting and possible solutions. Write the main body of the report
• Nov.16: rough draft of the formal report
• Nov. 26: finish editing and present the final draft

This amount of work is reasonable given the timeframe because I adequately narrowed the scope of the research. There is also no cost involved besides my labour. Please let me know if the survey conforms to the ethical survey standards that UBC has. This survey is linked below. If you need to, reach out with suggestions for my report writing and research process.

Enclosure: Survey for computer science students on the effects of long-term sitting

Survey for the Formal Report

Introduction: I, Phillip Tellier, am completing a technical writing project as part of my computer science degree program at UBC. The project investigates the negative effects of sitting for too long, particularly for computer science students during their degree and their future careers. This survey collects student’s opinions on the severity of the issue and what changes can be made to fix the problem. This allows me to quantify awareness of the negative health effects and possible solutions. This will determine the urgency of student re-education. The survey results will be presented in a formal report and distributed electronically by the computer science student society (CSSS). It will be available electronically to any students that are interested via CSSS social media. The survey is optional and your answers will remain anonymous. Nevertheless, I thank you if you do decide to participate.

Question 1: Sitting for long periods of time everyday…

• …does not affect your health.
• …is somewhat bad for your health.
• …is bad for your health.
• …is very bad for your health.

Question 2: Which of the following health disorders can be caused by sitting for too long (multiple selections are possible):

• Back pain
• Obesity
• Parkinson’s Disease
• Asthma
• Deep Vein Thrombosis

Question 3: A standing desk compared to a sitting desk is…

• …just as unhealthy.
• …healthier but still problematic.
• …healthier and a great solution to the problem of sitting for too long.

Question 4: Proper posture while sitting will…

• …not reduce the negative effects of sitting for too long.
• …reduce the negative effects of sitting for too long.
• …prevent any negative effects of sitting for too long.
• …prevent any negative effects of sitting for too long only if I get enough exercise.

Question 5: Regular exercise will…

• …not reduce the negative effects of sitting for too long.
• …reduce the negative effects of sitting for too long.
• …prevent any negative effects of sitting for too long.
• …prevent any negative effects of sitting for too long only if I maintain proper posture.

The purpose of writing this memorandum was to learn the format of a common business document as well as learning to give well explained constructive criticism. This memo showcases written criticism that gives straightforward rationale for each suggestion.

MEMORANDUM

To:                  Noah Saini, Student of UBC ENGL 301

From:              Phillip Tellier, Student of UBC ENGL 301

Date:               October 4, 2021

Subject:          Peer Review of Three Definitions of Hyperinflation

On September 30, you posted three definitions of hyperinflation as part of an assignment. My new assignment is to peer review the definitions to help improve your writing.

Initial Impressions:

While the information given was correct, some of the reasoning given to explain hyperinflation was incomplete, so it is more difficult to parse the meaning of the definition then it could be.

Comments about Purpose and Audience:

The introduction to the three definitions explains who the audience is and says the purpose is to “explain to large customers what is happening in the economy”. This is good except it does not explain what “large customers” are. It would be better if it included why “large customers” need to know about hyperinflation, and how this would lead them to make better decisions.

Suggestions for an Improved Explanation:

Since you can not expect that customers who read the expanded definition will have read the sentence definition, the sentence definition you have would be a good way to start off your expanded definition. Currently, the expanded definition does not begin with an explanation of what inflation is. Also, in your sentence definition, “inflation” should be defined before “hyperinflation” so that readers do not ask what “inflation” is when reading about “hyperinflation”. There are some places where reasoning is not carried all the way through. This makes it difficult for readers who are new to the concept to follow along. For instance: Why does government spending cause inflation (sentence 3)? Why does the buying of non-perishable goods by panicked consumers raise prices (sentence 8)? How does diversifying your assets protect you from inflation (sentence 12)?

Please note that the jargon “diversifying your assets” may not be familiar to all customers.

Missing Requirements for the Assignment:

• The definitions are missing in-text citations which is required for both the MLA and APA reference styles.
• At least one visual

Enclosure: Definitions of Hyperinflation

Here, my task was to write parenthetical definition,  sentence definition, and an expanded definition. I chose to define the term “bioinformatics” because it is one of my interests as well as complex enough for an expanded definition. This work captures an essential aspect of good technical writing: being concise and simple to understand.

Reading situation:

The audience I am writing for is other university students that have achieved the high school required understanding of very basic biology. This includes understanding what DNA, RNA, protein, organisms, and cells are. They should have at least basic computer literacy. The situation is that students are reading about bioinformatics to see if they are interested in studying it.

Parenthetical Definition:

Because of the overwhelming amount of data that is available from experiments investigating the molecules and cells that make up living organisms, bioinformatics (the use of software and computer algorithms to interpret biological data from experiments) has become extremely important in synthesizing large amounts of data into an interpretable and useable result (Luscombe et al. 346).

Sentence Definition:

Bioinformatics is a branch of science where computer science is used to work with and understand biological data. This includes using computers to analyze and compare DNA, RNA, and protein sequences to learn how the organisms they come from function (Austin).

Expanded Definition:

Bioinformatics is a branch of science where computer science is used to work with and understand biological data. This encompasses the writing of computer code to work with such data, as well as the use of bioinformatics computer programs that have already been written. Bioinformatics has become more important as the amount of experimental data becomes larger over time (Luscombe et al. 346).

Bioinformatics is most often associated with the analysis and comparison of DNA, RNA, and protein sequences. Computer programs are able to find regions of similarity between sequences. If two sequence regions are similar and the biological function of one of the regions is known, then it can often be inferred that the other region will have a similar function (Austin). For example, if we know the sequence of a protein that chemically breaks down a sugar, and we have another protein that shows sequence similarity to the first protein, then there is a good chance the second protein also breaks down a sugar.

Figure 1. An example of the output of a program that compares protein sequences called “ClustalO”. The program is used to find regions of proteins that are similar.

Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Histone_Alignment.png

There are three ways in which bioinformatics works with data: helping to store and organize large amounts of data into databases, analyzing the data that has been stored, and interpreting analyzed data to get useable facts about biological systems (Luscombe et al. 346-347). An example of storing and organizing data would be DNA sequence databases like GenBank. The U.S. National library of medicine has connected the GenBank DNA database to the internet so that it can be accessed by researchers internationally.  It is organized so that it can be easily searched using a DNA sequence entered into the browser. Searching with a DNA sequence will return all the DNA sequences from the database that show sequence similarity (GenBank). An example of analyzing biological data is the automatic analysis of cell images by software. If there are too many images of a cell type to go through manually, then a good strategy is to use a computer to do it automatically. Algorithms have been developed to identify different parts of a cell, and identify their visual characteristics. Furthermore, these algorithms can be used to go through all cell images and quantify the proportion of cells that have a particular visual characteristic. Biological Image analysis is also an example of getting useable facts about biological systems (Peng et al. 1057). In the case of cancer, some cells can have different visual characteristics (What). A useable fact is whether or not a collection of cells is cancerous.

Works Cited:

Austin, Christopher P. “​Bioinformatics.” National Human Genome Research Institute. n.d. Web. 28 Sept. 2021. <https://www.genome.gov/genetics-glossary/Bioinformatics/>.

“GenBank Overview.” National Centre for Biotechnology Information. n.d. Web. 28 Sept. 2021. <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/genbank/>.

Luscombe, Nicholas M., et al. “What Is Bioinformatics? A Proposed Definition and Overview of the Field.” Methods of Information in Medicine. vol. 40, no. 4, 2001, pp. 346–58.

Peng, Hanchuan, et al. “Bioimage Informatics: A New Category in Bioinformatics.” Bioinformatics (Oxford, England), 2012/03/06, vol. 28, no. 8, Oxford University Press, Apr. 2012, p. 1057, doi:10.1093/bioinformatics/bts111.

“What Do Doctors Look for in Biopsy and Cytology Specimens?” American Cancer Society. 30 July 2015. Web. 28 Sept. 2021. <https://www.cancer.org/treatment/understanding-your-diagnosis/tests/testing-biopsy-and-cytology-specimens-for-cancer/what-doctors-look-for.html>.