“The Lover” or “daddy issues wrapped up in a fancy book”

To say the least, this book made me very uncomfortable. Have any of you ever read/watched Lolita? These two books give off very similar vibes in the sense that they both make me want to crawl out of my skin. I will say I did enjoy the structure of the book, how we were revisiting the  memories and how the narrator would sometimes say that she cannot remember in clear detail  how everything occurred. It made the novel more enjoyable.

I did however find it very interesting the way in which this book approached the topics of beauty and desire. There are so many quotes in this novel that I loved such as: “At the age of fifteen I had the face of pleasure, and yet I had no knowledge of pleasure” (p. 9).  She knows she is beautiful, she knows men are attracted to her, but she is still so young that she does not know what that pleasure is. She is used to being the centre of attentions because of her face and her beauty in general. There was another quote that I found interesting: “My hair is heavy, soft, burdensome, a coppery mass that comes down to my waist” (p. 16), her appearance is a burden to her. Her beauty is weight she has to carry on her shoulder from a young age. I couldn’t help but compare this quote to another: ” I tell him I like the idea of his having many women, the idea of my being one of them, indistinguishable” (p. 42). She doesn’t want to stand out, but she does. So much so that she enjoys being part of the girls her lover has had sex with, she’s just one of them.

In the lecture video, Jon talks about who’s in control, who has the upper hand in this relationship. I can see how in the novel, they were both kind of using each other. However, because of his older age, I think the lover was more of a manipulator. He was having sex with a young girl, he has much more experience than her and so automatically I think that she was at a disadvantage in their relationship. Although there are many instances in the novel in which we can see that she also holds power over her lover, because of their age gap I do believe that she was a victim of his manipulation. She is using his money and receiving pleasure from the relationship, but the age gap just makes it so wrong (and you know illegal).

Question of the week:

Who do you think held the power in their relationship?

4 thoughts on ““The Lover” or “daddy issues wrapped up in a fancy book”

  1. adia

    Hi Nini, I think nobody had the power in the relationship. Because at the end, they both got really nothing out of each other after their intimacy. The man went ahead and followed his family’s rich dynasty out of family obligation by marrying a Chinese woman he did not love (from what we know), and the girl lost everyone around her, including her family. I think power is supposed to give one an advantage in life. I don’t see it anywhere. They are both losers lol.

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  2. simi2525

    I think at the start of the relationship, the man held the power exclusively because he has the advantage of age. Furthermore, he also has money and status, which is something the young girl and her family once possessed and are interested in.
    – Simi Braich

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  3. Ludivine

    Hi Nini! I liked your blog! Th ebook also made me think of Lolita. I think they both had power in the relationship. The man had it in the bginning because of his age and status but she had it in the end because he was in love and had feelings for her but she didn’t really have any.So she had the power by being so emotionally detached.

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  4. Tes

    Nini, yes to Lolita and although they share similarities (ie feeling like you want to crawl out of your skin) I also think they are very different in some important ways. I think the quotes you chose very well illustrated the contradictory understandings of what society deems as beautiful or pleasurable versus what the girl is feeling in the moment (or I guess in her recollection of the moment). I also kept wondering at what point her “willingly” doing this for money is actually a free decision versus an environmental one.
    Tesi

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