World weary and enjoying a Katangan beer upon our arrival

I have to tell you about a rather unpredictable incident that happened to me this past week. The funny thing I’ve noticed about this place is that things only work out when you least expect them to. And when you expect something to be orderly and normal, it can be a bit of a rude awakening.

So, as we were leaving Kinshasa, we left for the airport extra early in case we ran into traffic. The trouble began as soon as we stepped out of the car. It was pure chaos. We walk in to the terminal and there’s a neatly lined up row of extra-large suitcases leading to the check-in counter, and all the people were sitting in the surrounding chairs. So, after paying our departure tax at the bank (which, by the way, was a nightmare in itself because we had to let some VIP fat cat in line ahead of us because, clearly, he is very important) we bring our suitcases to the back of the suitcase line and stand with them. But, after half an hour, two other lines start forming on either side of us, which was rather alarming. And then this big lady in colourful dress sidles up to us, pushes our suitcases out of the way and places hers where ours were. It felt rather a violation!

Eventually, we decide to join one of the human lines and leave the suitcase line behind. An airport employee sets up a barrier in front of our line and it looks like check-in is about to begin. Then, out of nowhere, a dozen people appear beyond the barrier and start their check-in. Why, do you ask? Well, we assumed that they were first class passengers, and decided to be patient. But the group of people ‘on the inside’ kept growing and growing and, despite the fact that we were at the front of the line, we were still outside. When the big lady in the colourful dress (who was 10 people behind us) suddenly appeared in the inside area as well, I started to lose my cool. But being a demanding and entitled white girl doesn’t really fly in Congo, so we waited another 20 minutes all the same. Apparently, if you’re unwilling to pay the airport staff a bribe, you have to wait. I couldn’t help thinking that if anyone on my Swiss side of the family or my uncle Harold had been there, we’d have had an aneurism on our hands!

Oh, but once we were on the inside is when the horror really began. Everyone, including our friend in the colourful dress, was stacked up en masse around one airport employee, who was proceeding to empty the contents of every single bag. I thought to myself, well, hm, we are pretty trusting of our x-ray machines in the West, why do they not suffice in Congo? Apparently that rather advanced technology is just not up to snuff.

So during another hour of waiting for our bags to be inspected, we made some friends. It was necessary, because people kept butting ahead of us in “line” so we started a human blockade. One of our friends was this really chilled out Brazilian pastor. Didn’t speak a word of French (and not much English either) but he was lovely and good-humoured. He seemed to be able to make the most out of any situation, including the one we’d found ourselves in. Our other friend was a Congolese gentleman in the diamond mining business. He was on his way back from visiting one of his artisanal diamond mines in the Kasaïs. Interesting guy, but I reckon he had some shady dealings under his belt.

When we finally got to the checkout counter, two ladies were pouring over one computer, trying to figure out our itinerary. Eventually a haughty South African Airlines employee barged in (we were already an hour and a half delayed, after all) and told them they were moving too slowly, so he took over. From there, it was pretty much smooth sailing until we got on the plane.

We sit down, take our sleeping pills and get ready for an eventless flight to Johannesburg. But then there’s a flight attendant at the row in front of us with smoke coming out of her ears at a woman who is unwilling to vacate an exit row seat because they require an English speaker to be there. It was none other than the line-butting lady in the brightly coloured dress! The South African flight attendant finally lost it on her and yelled “Madame, we will not leave Kinshasa until you MOVE!” And so she did.

Kinshasa, you are a beautiful, dynamic city, but I will avoid flying out of your airport at all costs from now on!