To: Ms. Jeemin Kim, ENGL 301 Student

From: Ms. Samantha Krieg, ENGL 301 Student

Peer Review / Formal Report Draft: Improving App Usability of Seoul Bike for Foreigners in Seoul, South Korea

 

Your Formal Report Draft titled “Improving App Usability of Seoul Bike for Foreigners in Seoul, South Korea” was excellent. Please consider the following suggestions to help improve the document for the final report submission.

First Impressions:

Your Formal Report on the Seoul Bike App, Ttareungyi, gives the reader a positive first impression. It is evident from your explanation of the app that you are very familiar with its functionality and shortcomings, including the limited language options and complicated payment system. Improving the app for foreigners in Seoul is an interesting topic; however, the data collection and conclusion sections are incomplete. Your proposed solution to add new language settings, improve app functionality, and simplify the payment system verification process is feasible and will help foreigners in Seoul use the app. Overall, your Formal Report Draft is a great starting point for the final report submission but needs further revisions and elaboration on key points.

Organization:

  • The subheadings you include clearly explain the purpose of the subsections which is crucial for busy readers like the head of the Seoul Bike App Operation Team, Yang Jae-young.
  • There are no overly large sections of text or run-on sentences in the report. However, the length of the paragraphs is slightly too short.
    • Using at least five sentences in each paragraph and transition words or sentences will help the reader connect the ideas presented, improving the readability.
  • Please add page numbers, according to MLA formatting, to help the reader navigate the report.

Style:

  • Your effective use of an objective and unbiased tone throughout the report contributes to the credibility or your findings and recommendations.
    • This is one of the best parts of the report, well done.
  • The tone is occasionally negative and rewording statements into a positive form will make your report more convincing and help to avoid insulting the reader.
    • For example, the first sentence in the methods section is: “Interviews with a university student, English instructor, and a long-term tourist were conducted to understand issues regarding the app’s usability.”
    • Consider instead: A university student, an English instructor, and a long-term tourist were interviewed to determine how to improve the app’s usability.
  • Although the report clearly establishes the issues foreigners and non-Korean speakers face when attempting to use the app, it is unclear why these issues are of interest to the reader, the head of the Seoul Bike App Operation Team, Yang Jae-young.
    • Consider incorporating more of a you-attitude and explicitly identifying how the recommendations benefit Yang Jae-young and the Seoul Bike App Operation Team.

Design:

  • The screenshots of the app that you included in the collected data section are relevant and support the text.
    • These figures are very informative and are one of the best parts of the report.
  • Increasing the size of the captions and figures will improve the accessibility of the text and ensure no information is missed.
  • You did an excellent job with the layout of the report draft; however, using bold, underlined, or larger headings would make it easier to read.
  • Including page numbers in the table of contents will help the reader quickly locate areas of interest.

Content:

  • The report has a logical progression and does not contain jargon.
  • Your use of journal papers and appropriate websites as supporting evidence in the ‘Studies and comparison of similar bike-sharing services’ section is well done.
  • The comparison of the Seoul Bike app, Ttareungyi, to the Montréal-based bike share app, BIXI, is excellent. However, this section has some small errors, including:
    • The name of the company is written as BIXI, not Bixi.
    • The following sentence is unclear: “While Seoul Bike is non-profit (i.e. publicy owned and operated), Bixi is publicly owned and operated by a contractor.”
      • To my knowledge, although BIXI Montréal was founded by a private company, it is currently owned by the City of Montréal, a public entity. Consider conducting further research to clarify the ownership of BIXI Montréal.
  • Expand the conclusion to summarize the entire document and elaborate on why it is essential to acknowledge the needs of non-Korean speakers in Seoul.
  • Your explanation of the app’s issues is easy to understand, however, the specific recommendations for improvement are unclear.
    • Stating the proposed recommendations in the introduction and including a list summarizing them in the conclusion will help your reader, Yang Jae-young, understand how to rectify the issues.

Works Cited:

  • The sources you used throughout the report are relevant and support your findings.
  • All in-text citations follow APA style instead of MLA.
    • Please modify the in-text citations to include the author’s last name and the page number only, for example: (Krieg, 23). If there is no page number, simply use the author’s last name.
    • It is not necessary to include the word source in MLA in-text citations for figures.
  • In MLA, the title of the works cited page is bolded and the https:// is removed from all links

Grammar and Typos:

    • Your Formal Report Draft does not contain any major grammatical or spelling errors that would impede the reader.
    • There is one minor typo in the data collection section:
      • “While Seoul Bike is non-profit (i.e. publicy publicly owned and operated)…”
    • Revising the introduction to be more concise will help the reader focus on the background information about the app and the purpose of the report. For example, consider editing the following parts of the ‘Background on Seoul Bike’ section, and reviewing the rest of the report for similar concerns.
      • “Seoul Bike is an unmanned system – thus bikes can be rented at rental stations that are located in both busy business districts and residential areas.”
        • The Seoul Bike stations are unmanned and operate automatically, allowing bike rental stations to be widespread across various districts.
      • “In order to To rent a bike from the rental station, users must download the Seoul Bike app.”
    • It is unclear if Foreigner is the tile of an option on the app. If not, it should not be capitalized or placed in double quotation marks. If so, capitalization of the first letter is appropriate, however, the title does not need to be placed in double quotation marks.
    • When writing a formal document, use for example instead of i.e.

Concluding Comments:

Overall, your Formal Report Draft and recommendations about “Improving App Usability of Seoul Bike for Foreigners in Seoul, South Korea” is very well done. If I were your supervisor or editor, I would request the completion of the Data Collection and Conclusion before approval. In addition, the following minor revisions to the Formal Report Draft will ensure that you effectively communicate the merit of your recommendations to the Head of the Seoul Bike App Operation Team, Yang Jae-young.

  • Using at least five sentences in each paragraph and transition words or sentences will help the reader connect the ideas presented, improving the readability.
  • Adding page numbers will help the reader navigate the report.
  • Rewording statements into a positive form to avoid insulting the reader.
  • Consider incorporating more of a you-attitude and explicitly identifying how the recommendations benefit Yang Jae-young and the Seoul Bike App Operation Team.
  • Increasing the size of the captions and figures will improve the accessibility of the text.
  • Using bold, underlined, or larger headings would make the report easier to read.
  • Including page numbers in the table of contents will help the reader quickly locate areas of interest.
  • Revising the small errors in the ‘Studies and comparison of similar bike-sharing services’ section.
  • Explaining the proposed recommendations in the introduction and including a list summarizing them in the conclusion will help your reader.
  • Expanding the conclusion to summarize the entire document and elaborate on why it is essential to acknowledge the needs of non-Korean speakers in Seoul.
  • Editing the Formal Report Draft based on the spelling and grammar suggestions listed in the above Grammar and Typos section.
  • Revising the in-text citations and Works Cited page to follow MLA guidelines.

Thank you for your hard work. I hope that these suggestions help you to improve your final Formal Report submission. Please feel free to reach out to me via our Facebook Messenger group or email, at samanthakrieg08@gmail.com, should you have any questions.

Thank you for your hard work. I hope that these suggestions help you to improve future versions. Please feel free to reach out should you have any questions.

SK

Encl. Jeemin’s Formal Report Draft