Imagine it’s the beginning of term and you’re attending your first class. You arrive early and take a seat. A few minutes later you see one of your friends walk in. You’re excited to see her and wave thinking she’ll come sit with you. Instead she walks right by and takes a seat on the other side of the room.
How do you interpret this event? Do you wonder if you’ve made her mad and start ruminating about what you might have done? Do you assume that she hates you and doesn’t want to sit with you? Do you spend the rest of class wondering what you did wrong? Many of us automatically assume the worst: “She hates me, I must have done something,” or “I’ve lost a friend, I’m flawed and no one will ever like me again.”
Interestingly, if the same situation happened to another person, they might explain it differently. They might think, “Oh, she didn’t see me wave. I’ll go over and sit with her” or “I wonder what’s up. I’ll ask her after class,” or maybe even “Hmmm…I wonder she’s mad at me, I’ll check in with her later.” This person would likely then focus on class with the intent to connect with their friend later.
It’s fascinating how a single event can produce such an array of responses. Depending on your automatic response your mood follows suit. If you tend to interpret events like the first person, you’ll likely be upset for the rest of the day and have trouble concentrating in class. You might find it difficult to enjoy the rest of your day and begin to see everything else that happens that day through a negative lens. Feeling upset may even effect your appetite, your sleep and your relationships with others. When this happens, we start to isolate ourselves and may even start to show some signs of depression.
Martin Seligman, the guru of positive psychology, has completed numerous studies on what he calls a person’s “explanatory style”.
People with a more pessimistic explanatory style tend to think with the three P’s: Permanent, Pervasive and Personal. In the example above we see the person perceive the situation as permanent (I’ve lost a friend), pervasive (no one will like me again) and personal (I’m flawed, I must have made her mad). This pessimistic explanatory style causes us to see even the most benign event as negative. A person with a more optimistic explanatory style would see the same situation as temporary (I’ll check in with her later), as just one part of their lives (I’ll focus on class now, and then see if she’s upset with me), and attribute the situation to a variety of situational factors (Oh, she didn’t’ see me wave! i.e. not totally personal).
Fortunately mastering an optimistic explanatory style just takes practice. When you find yourself getting swept away by a slew of negative thoughts, check in on the 3 P’s. Ask yourself, if I was feeling good today or at least a little more optimistic, how might I explain this event differently?
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