Monthly Archives: January 2017

Let’s talk!

I’ve been seeing a number of ads and promotions for Bell Let’s Talk Day (happening tomorrow on January 25) these last couple weeks.  It’s not my first time coming across this initiative, but I was surprised to find out the movement began in 2010, when the topic of mental health–at least to me–seemed far less publicly discussed.  One of the goals of this initiative is, of course, to get people talking about mental health, thus promoting awareness, reducing stigma, and improving understanding of mental health challenges many of us face.  All very great things!

So I started to wonder whether “talking” about issues such as depression and anxiety is sometimes difficult not merely because we don’t want to share our struggles and our experiences– but because we don’t know how to talk about it.  Explaining the experience, describing the struggle, attaching words to the feelings we barely understand ourselves can sometimes be the hardest part.  That’s when I came across this lovely little comic.  It doesn’t answer all of our questions or explain every detail, but it does effectively provide a window into the experience of depression and anxiety for those of us who may find it hard to express or understand.

Depression and Anxiety

Click on the image to read “A comic that accurately sums up depression and anxiety–and the uphill battle of living with them”

Learning self compassion

Closely related to the practice of self-care (which we’ve discussed on this blog) is the practice of self-compassion.  Dr. Kristen Neff’s pioneering research on the importance of self-compassion describes the sheer importance of honoring and accepting our pains and struggles as a part of the human condition.  Instead of judging or criticizing ourselves when we fail, fall short, experience hurt, feel inadequate, or are challenged in this life, the practice of self-compassion urges that we treat ourselves with kindness, warmth, understanding, and a mindful approach during these tough times.  Having compassion for ourselves during our pains and struggles eliminates resistance and frustration with imperfections, prevents over identification with our negative feelings, and encourages healthy processing of our emotional responses to the array events in our lives.

Self compassion is not merely self-esteem, self-pity, or self-indulgence.  It is not based on self-evaluations as self-esteem is.  Self compassion is not pitying ourselves, immersing ourselves in our problems; self compassion emphasizes that pain is a human experience that connects us all and thereby emphasizes the broader human context of our suffering, allowing us to achieve some perspective and some distance from our problems.  Practicing self compassion does not mean indulging in every whim, either, especially if it is unhealthy; instead, self compassion encourages us to take care of ourselves in a manner which promotes growth, positive change, and overall wellness long term.

I personally find self-compassion most tangible when I meditate.  There is a guided meditation on Dr. Kristen Neff’s website which I particularly love and want to encourage you to try if you’re struggling or suffering in parts of your life.  And it is only 5 minutes! Check this self compassion guided meditation out!  And if you prefer to read the guide instead of following the audio, this easy to follow exercise is also available.

Thoughts are just thoughts

“It is remarkable how liberating it feels to be able to see that your thoughts are just thoughts and that they are not “you” or “reality.”

– Jon Kabat-Zinn

When I find myself caught up in a slew of self-depreciating thoughts, I often find comfort in this quote.  It reminds me that thoughts do not represent my worth, my abilities or my future.

Between 50 000 to 70 000 thoughts scroll through our minds each day with the content often depending on our mood.  When we’re angry we tend to create thoughts that keep us stuck in that angry state; when we’re worried, we find more things to worry about.  When we’re upset our thoughts often pretend to be rational questions such as “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why am I so stupid?” or “Why am I feeling this way?”  These questions fool us into thinking that if we repeatedly keep asking, we just might find an answer, and thereby a solution.  So we keep asking….and asking…and the answer we find is usually some sort of flaw within ourselves.  The real answer to these questions is that thoughts are just thoughts.  They are not facts!

The next time you notice yourself in a bad mood or negative mental space, take a moment to notice the thoughts entering your mind.  View these thoughts from a distance, not as facts, but as words passing by.  Ask yourself: Would I have thought about this differently if I were in a better mood? Does this fit with the facts? Am I jumping to conclusions or making assumptions about what others are thinking?

As we learn to see thoughts just as “occurrences in the mind”, we begin to understand that thoughts just come and go like the scroll on the bottom of a TV screen.  This realization takes the sting and weight out of those negative thoughts and helps that scroll, and our overall sense of well being, feel a little more positive.