English 301 is an intensive writing course presented in an online classroom environment. The main goal of the course is aimed at improving the technical writing and communication skills of students through a mix of work done independently, work done in consultation with the instructor, and work done collaboratively amongst peers in writing teams. The course introduces many elements of writing in business, professional, and technical contexts paired with lesson plans to practice and implement writing strategies in these contexts. Ultimately, the course promotes the use of resources and peers to make a thoughtful analysis of documents produced and encourages continuous reflection and self-editing. The end results include the production and design of an online web folio combined with an accompanying résumé.

The progress of my skills in technical writing and communication can be seen best highlighted by the following compiled list of work.

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Definition Assignment

This assignment aimed to demonstrate the different methods of defining a single term or topic with an emphasis on presenting material easily readable by all readers. There is a crucial element in being able to provide reading material that is used in a technical field to non-technical readers.

View Definition Assignment Here

VIRTUAL REALITY

 

Introduction:

The purpose of this assignment is to understand the precision necessary for definitions in the professional setting as there can be many representations or meanings in many different fields. This assignment aims to build effective communication in explaining definitions by composing three types of definitions (parenthetical, sentence, expanded) for a relatively complex term.

 

Situation / Audience:

The following term is being described to a group of students of the English 301 Technical Writing class with general working knowledge of basic computers and technology. This will be a non-technical explanation of the term “Virtual Reality” for fellow peers. To understand Virtual Reality and its purpose, readers will need an overview of what it is, how it came to be, its operation, and its applicational uses.

The audience will have little to no knowledge of the technological software and hardware components that fully operate to make the virtual reality device run, which would include CPU (Central Processing Unit) and GPU (Graphics Processing Unit) processors. It simply portrays the big picture outlook of virtual reality and its potential applications in computer technology for the readers.

 

Parenthetical Definition:

Users can use computer technology to create or access virtual reality (an artificial environment experienced through sensory stimuli).

 

Sentence Definition:

Virtual Reality is a computer technology with specific hardware and software components that builds a computer-generated environment through immersive head-mount displays. It recognizes user movements to provide a three-dimensional experience that seems very similar to reality.

 

Expanded Definition:

What is Virtual Reality?

Virtual Reality is a computer-generated simulation of a three-dimensional image or environment in which users can interact with it using electronic equipment such as a head-mounted screen or handheld controllers.

 

How did the name originate?

The term “virtual” has been used in the computer sense to mean “not physically existing but made to appear by software”. Virtual reality is now recognized with the help of Jaron Lanier in the 1980s through their development of gear needed to experience what he described as “virtual reality”.

Figure 1. Oculus Rift Virtual Reality Headset
(Source: Oculus Rift CV1, Wikipedia Virtual Reality Headset)

Figure 2. Head-Mounted Display Graphical Image Rendering
(Source: Oculus DK2, Wikipedia Virtual Reality Headset)

The common gear used to experience virtual reality can be seen in Figure 1., which is the headset that creates the near reality experience. The technology from these headsets is shown in Figure 2., in which there are separate LCD (liquid-crystal display) screens that render its images for each eye.

 

What is its history?

Figure 3. View-Master Type Stereoscope from the 1900s
(Source: Cooper Hewitt, Through the Looking Glass)

Early research by Charles Wheatstone demonstrated that the human brain could process two different two-dimensional images from each eye into a single image of three dimensions. Placing these two images side by side would allow the viewer to simulate a sense of depth and immersion from these two-dimensional images. This led to the development of a popular View-Master Stereoscope device designed for the use of “virtual tourism” as shown in Figure 3.

 

Figure 4. Sensorama Machine
(Source: The Sensorama: One of the First Functioning Efforts in Virtual Reality, History of Information)

Another early implication of virtual reality revolved around the idea of developing a simulated environment. A machine known as the Sensorama shown in Figure 4, was developed by Morton Heilig in 1956 and was designed to allow individuals to experience the feeling as if they were in a movie. The device would simulate a near reality experience in which an individual could ride through a city on an imaginary motorcycle with triggered elements that stimulated senses such as the vibration of the motorcycle using a motional chair, the smell of the motor’s exhaust using odor emitters, and the wind blowing past your face from fans.

Figure 5. The interactions of hardware and software components on the user in virtual reality
(Source: The input/output loop: Human Machine Interface, Linux kernel and gaming input-output latency, Wikipedia Virtual Reality)

The system of input and outputs can be seen represented in Figure 5., which illustrates the type of human senses that can be manipulated upon in virtual reality. The link between these human senses can be seen through the corresponding components of hardware and software that loop between the recognized input and output responses.

 

How does it work?

For an individual to experience virtual reality, it would require a head-mounted display which can be a virtual reality headset designed like a pair of goggles fixed with monitors to provide separate images for each eye. These goggles contain sensors that track motions given by the user which could include button presses on a controller or body movements. The goggles then transmit and converts these sensory inputs into a high-quality graphical rendering of the content to the user and invoke a feeling. The program behind the goggles that allow it to run properly needs to manage the input and output signals correctly, such as to generate the correct display or environment response.

 

What are the potential applications?

Virtual reality is commonly used in the entertainment industry for applications such as video games, 3D cinemas, and the creation of virtual worlds. It is seen as a consumer product in this industry and is a leading product used mainly for enjoyment.

However, virtual reality can be applied to the field of education and training such that it provides the opportunity to develop skills without the risks and consequences of the real world. This approach of virtual reality training can be seen best in the form of flight simulators that use the application of virtual reality. Similarly, it can be a useful application in the medical field in jobs like surgeons. Through virtual reality, surgeons can implement practice procedures without the need for an operating room and also remove the deadly consequences.

With the understanding that virtual reality can impose certain senses, virtual reality can be incorporated as a tool in the field of social and psychological sciences as well. It has the ability to alter perception, emotions, and physiological states in a controlled environment which can be used to study specific interactions of interest.

 

Conclusion:

The development of virtual reality has continuously been refined through years and years of testing. These applications of virtual reality can be an important factor to future research and further understanding in many fields. Virtual reality continues to expand with further innovations and can become a leading technological product.

 

 

Works Cited

“Education and Training.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., https://www.britannica.com/technology/virtual-reality/Education-and-training.

“History of Virtual Reality.” The Franklin Institute, 19 Dec. 2019, https://www.fi.edu/virtual-reality/history-of-virtual-reality.

“History of Virtual Reality.” Virtual Reality Society, 2 Jan. 2020, https://www.vrs.org.uk/virtual-reality/history.html.

McFadden, Christopher. “History of Virtual Reality.” Interesting Engineering, Interesting Engineering, 12 June 2020, https://interestingengineering.com/whats-in-a-name-the-long-and-short-history-of-virtual-reality.

Steuer, Jonathan. “Defining Virtual Reality: Dimensions Determining Telepresence.” OUP Academic, Oxford University Press, 7 Feb. 2006, https://academic.oup.com/joc/article-abstract/42/4/73/4210117?redirectedFrom=PDF.

“Virtual Reality Applications.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 23 Sept. 2021, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_reality_applications.

“Virtual Reality.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 29 Sept. 2021, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_reality.

“Virtual: Search Online Etymology Dictionary.” Index, https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=virtual.

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Peer Review of the Definition Assignment

The peer review of the definition assignment presented the first attempt at practicing peer review and analysis of a peer’s technical writing. It was an opportunity to identify components of technical principles of documentation such as audience, tone, clarity, and presentation all in the context of business correspondence.

View Peer Review of Definition Assignment Here

To: Johnathan Tam, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Jordan Zhao, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: October 3, 2021
Subject: Review of Your Report Assignment 1:3 – “Self-management” Definition

 

Peer Review / Term: “Self-management” Definition 

Thank you for sharing a wonderful complex term with the students of ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC. This is an excellent presentation of the definition “self-management” to an audience that may not recognize its role in the healthcare setting. Please see the review of the document below with some suggestions for improvement.

First Impression:
This is a very straightforward definition that meets all the assignment requirements, is well organized, contains visuals, and includes works cited list.

Organization:

• The organization of the definition is well planned out.
• The selection methods of expansion through history, operating principle, required conditions, and negation fit well and help to properly define the term.
• The explanations may need further descriptions in order to present examples clearly with respect to your desired context.
• Great work on your definition of self-management.
• Visuals and figures used must be properly cited with correct placement, please review the textbook for further notes.

Language/Expression:

• In the introduction, the active voice being used appears to cause sentences to run on.
  • For example, in the very first paragraph, consider changing “By doing so, we would learn to understand …” to “We learn to understand the importance of definitions in technical writing as they should be directed towards specific audiences.”
  • This may improve the clarity of the sentences as they end up being more direct and to the point.
  • I would recommend checking the rest of the introduction for similar cases.
• Otherwise, the introduction explains the purpose and demonstrates the importance of the assignment.
• In terms of the parenthetical definition, it may be confusing when referring to “active self-management”.
  • This might indicate to readers that there are many other forms of self-management.
  • Making the correct clarification early on and explaining whether it is the same term would be beneficial.
  • For example, there are many fields of cardiology such as interventional cardiology and preventive cardiology. Both fields are indeed in cardiology but are slightly different in their respective fields.

Content:

• The document is complete and meets the assignment requirements, containing the following:
  • a relatively complex term within a discipline
  • definition directed to “non-technical readers” with purpose
  • composes the forms of definition
  • contains four types of expansion methods
  • contains visuals
  • supplemented by at least three references

Visuals:

• Please make sure visuals are properly labeled and cited.
• It may be helpful to include a summary presenting the visuals or make references to them.

Clarity:

• There were a couple of occasions where more details could be implemented to give a better understanding of your definition of self-management.
• For example, in the required conditions paragraph of your expanded definition, it was difficult to fully understand what the required conditions were.
• This could include an explanation of what a multifaceted approach is, and what knowledge or skill development refers to exactly. For example, knowledge could be explained as “a briefing from health professionals on how it should work or be used by patients”.
• Being descriptive in your examples allows readers to clearly distinguish what it entails exactly.

Highlights/Weaknesses:

• The operating principles in your expanded definition were amazing.
• This was definitely a good technique as it provided a strong explanation with examples in terms of what self-management is and how it works.
• Great use of images as well, this could be improved with text that introduced the images or referred to them in the definition.
• The definition report could possibly also use a title just to distinguish the definition from the start.

Works Cited List:

• There may potentially be some issues with your references and the numbering system used as they were not referred to by numbers via in-text citations.
• Overall, a very strong definition that portrays the idea of self-management by means of physical activity.

Purpose/Audience:

• The definition has been described for the intended audience.
• It clearly explains what is needed to understand the definition of self-management.

Concluding Comments:

This definition was a very informative read, well organized, and properly executed. The following edits would make this a wonderful definition.

• Further details on examples and descriptions
• Correcting citation for visuals and providing context to the visuals
• Language use
• Reviewing Works Cited list

Thank you for this wonderful definition. The written definition of self-management is on track to success and clearly illustrates the ability to define technical terms in the ENGL 301 Technical Writing Course. Please do not hesitate to ask any questions.

 

Best,

 

Jordan Zhao

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Formal Report Proposal

The formal report proposal was intended to set up the writer for success in following through with an analytical research report. It was guided to persuade an intended reader of the significance behind the research report and why research behind this suggested topic should be followed upon.

View Formal Report Proposal Here

Progress Report with Surveys

After getting approval to conduct research from the formal report proposal, the progress report served as a timeline to provide the writer a set schedule of tangible objectives in reaching presentable results. This was done by breaking down the report to a schedule of manageable tasks aimed to be achieved by a certain date.

View Progress Report with Surveys Here

MEMORANDUM

 

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, Instructor ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Jordan Zhao, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: October 25, 2021
Subject: 301 Formal Report Progress Report: Ridership Efficiency in Bus Route 49 to UBC Vancouver Campus

Please find this as an update to my progress on my formal report which has been posted to my writing team forum for viewing. Attached to this memo is a copy of the following document.

Purpose and Significance of Report

The purpose of this report is to provide recommendations for improving ridership efficiency and quality by using cost-effective boarding and travel considerations for students on Bus Route 49 to UBC Vancouver Campus.

Intended Audience

Michael McDaniel, President and General Manager of the Coast Mountain Bus Company, as part of the TransLink Board of Directors, Senior Executive Team. The guided recommendations can then be further reviewed among the TransLink Board of Directors.

Report Objectives

The purposes of this report are:

• To raise awareness on the concerns of ridership inefficiency on bus route 49 for students of UBC
• To provide cost-effective recommendations on potential solutions to increase ridership efficiency and quality of service
• To maintain transit ridership and revenue for the TransLink Company

Significance of Report

• Bus route 49 remains the major route to UBC for many students
• The report provides potential solutions to benefit the TransLink company, the UBC student body, and the environment

Methods

Primary data collection via an online survey targeting TransLink Bus riders that frequent bus route 49 to UBC. Attached is the link to the survey questions being used to research and gather data for this report:
https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8vxLs4e0Ykz7j1k

Data collection will also be aimed to conduct an interview with an employee of the Coast Mountain Bus Company. Attached below is the presented interview plan with guideline questions.

Secondary sources will include literature of publicly available data released by TransLink

Formal Report Outline

Attached is the link to the outline for the formal report:
https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/26/assignment-23-formal-report-outline/

Research Plan:

In order to research ridership efficiency and provide effective recommendations, I plan to:

• Review concerns of ridership efficiency on bus route 49
• Compile primary data sources
  • Record observational data on bus route 49 inefficiency and consequential problems
  • Survey concerns on ridership inefficiency on bus route 49 from students who frequent this route to UBC
  • Plan interview with an employee of bus route 49
• Data source preparation
  • Compose survey and interview questions including an ethical introduction
  • Review Instructor’s blog in regard to ethical survey introductions
• Review secondary research findings and resources
• Compile a report on potential recommendations to improve ridership efficiency

Writing Schedule:

The following is my writing schedule for the coming months:

• October 29: Formal report outline/progress report for a formal report
• November 1: Collect research and reports on primary data
• November 8: Compile initial report with data
• November 16: Formal report draft
• November 19: Peer review formal report draft
• November 23: Peer review edits
• November 26: Formal report final

Thank you for taking the time to review the progress of my formal report, professional insight will help me improve the quality of my research findings and this report. Please let me know if you require any additional information.

Enclosure: Assignment 2-3 Interview

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Proposal Memo

The proposal memo served as a summary to alert the reader to the completion of a composed proposal for viewing. It demonstrates the ability to share important resources and documentation written in a professional setting.

View Proposal Memo Here

MEMORANDUM

 

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, Instructor ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Jordan Zhao, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: October 14, 2021
Subject: ENGL 301 – Research Proposal for a Formal Report

 

Please find this as an update to my research proposal for a formal report which has been posted to my writing team forum for viewing. Attached to this memo is a copy of the following document.

In summary, the attached research proposal includes:

• Introduction of Topic – Increasing ridership efficiency on Bus Route 49 to UBC
• Statement of Problem – Negative effects on students due to improper boarding and long wait times
• Proposed Solutions – All door boarding, bus route accommodations, education
• Scope of Questions – Boarding access, concerns, alternative solutions, methods, costs
• Forms of Primary and Secondary Sources – Surerys, interviews, and observations paired with publicly available data and reports
• My Qualifications – Rider of the bus route for many years with concerns for efficiency
• Conclusion – Summary with suggested recommendations

Please let me know if you require any additional information.

 

Enclosure: 301 Jordan Zhao – Research Proposal for a Formal Report

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LinkedIn Best Practices Memo

This assignment served as an opportunity to conduct research on the importance of creating and using a professional presence on social media platforms. It demonstrated the ability to understand what best practices should be implemented and help create further opportunities in the professional working field.

View LinkedIn Best Practices Memo Here

Memo to Evan Crisp

The assignment of writing a memo to Evan Crisp entailed the importance of writing effectively with a you-attitude. The you-attitude takes an approach in the view of reader-focused writing style such that it looks at things from the reader’s point of view. It illustrated many concepts such as emphasizing a benefit to the reader, expressing appreciation for the reader, and avoiding condescension by eliminating unnecessary imperatives.

View Memo to Evan Crisp Here

MEMORANDUM

 

To: Evan Crisp, UBC Student
From: Jordan Zhao, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: November 6, 2021
Subject: Tips for Writing Effective Email Messages with You Attitude

Please find this as advice for best practice when writing an email to a professor. These examples of guidance result in a professional email that will result in a better chance of obtaining replies. The following suggestions incorporate the use of a “you attitude” writing style that places a value of importance on the reader such that there are benefits to them.

Effective emails as a learning professional follow these guidelines:

• Using a professional email gives insight to the reader of your presence and assures the reader that the email may not potentially be spam.
• Including a subject line will inform the reader of what the incoming email will entail. This can be beneficial as it could also notify the reader that the email is of urgent attention. This subject can also list the details of the course code and section of interest to show courtesy to the reader who may teach multiple different classes.
• Directing the email message with a courteous introduction to the person you are writing to will humanize the reader, as opposed to starting the email with the phrase “Hey there”. By addressing the professor by their title, this salutation establishes a respectful tone and maintains communication in a professional manner.
• Eliminating typos, careless mistakes, and incorrect text layouts will provide a better visual format for the reader. Preserving the format of the email as plain text ensures the proper layout of the email.
• Writing in a courteous manner shows that you appreciate the reader’s time and efforts. It is important to understand from the reader’s point of view where they may be willing to take time out of their day to provide assistance. Refusing to take an early session due to personal preferences does not show courtesy to the reader. Similarly, expecting the reader to fulfill your demands whilst issuing a time constraint for your own personal ventures is unprofessional.
• Focusing on the positive and avoiding the use of negative statements to show that there is some benefit to the reader. Rephrasing negative statements such that it shows there is a benefit to the instructor with a positive tone will improve the chances of receiving a seat in a specific section.
• Avoiding the use of imperatives within the body of the email removes the statements coming off as a command. Emails should be written to provide the reader with information. For example, this can be seen when using imperatives to ask the reader to “squeeze me into a class”. This does not provide information and also contains unprofessional jargon likewise with the terms “asap” and “ttfn”.
• Including a closing remark with a signature block containing your contact information and full name shows that you are polite and looking forward to a response. Offering future available times to continue the conservation shows that you are willing to continue the discussion with respect to the availability of the reader. Thanking the reader for their time will also end the email on a good note and leave a positive impression on the reader.

Emails are an important form of communication that should remain casual, yet professional. The email you have written does suggest the needs you are hoping to have met. However, the tone and communication etiquette presented does not illustrate your courtesy to the reader and could be seen as condescending. The email should provide information to the reader such that the reader should be able to choose whether or not they will act on this information. By following these suggestions, it will prompt a better response from the professor and potentially help you secure a spot in the desired class section. Please let me know if you have any further questions.

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Complaint Letter and Response Letter

This assignment provided an approach to writing in a professional manner in the setting of conflict resolution. It gave the opportunity to present a documented issue and also aim to write a response with a strong stance aimed to resolve the issues of conflict.

View Complaint Letter and Response Letter Here

Letter #1 – Complaint Letter

Jordan Zhao
21 Park Ln Cir
North York, ON M3B 1Z8

November 9, 2021

John Appleseed, Manager
Toronto Cameras
220 Yonge St, Toronto, ON
M5B 2H1

Attention: Toronto Cameras Support
Subject: Cracked lens

 

Dear Mr. Appleseed,

I am writing due to the unsatisfactory services recently received from Toronto Cameras. Last week, I ordered a Sony FE 85mm F1.4 GM Lens which arrived damaged with a crack on the lens. I would like to receive a refund on the return of this lens.

I purchased this lens on November 1^st, 2021 via your sales representative at the Yonge and Dundas location. They mentioned that the item was not currently in stock at the location and that it could be ordered and shipped out to my home directly. I paid for the transaction in-store and was provided the order number #TC952140 and the tracking number 9400 2520 1010 123. I have also attached the receipt and images of the damaged lens received on arrival.

The state of the package upon delivery was completely damaged. Prior to opening the package, I could hear pieces of glass tumbling around inside the box. It was apparent that the package was mishandled in the shipping process which is apparent in the pictures enclosed. Upon opening the package, the lens was completely shattered and no longer useable.

I spoke to your Toronto Cameras customer service representative Joe over the phone, where he made the claim that I damaged the items myself. This is not the case as I have security footage from my door that shows the poor handling and drop-off of my package. As you can see in the footage enclosed, the package was tossed onto my doorstep despite having fragile stickers placed. I have enclosed all the details and proof of damage required along with the footage showcasing the improper handling and delivery.

Please let me know how I can follow up on the return of my damaged lens for a full refund.

 

Sincerely,

Jordan Zhao

Enclosure: Camera Lens Receipt, Photos of Damage, & Security Footage

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Letter #2 – Bad News Adjustment Letter

 

John Appleseed, Manager
Toronto Cameras
220 Yonge St, Toronto, ON
M5B 2H1

November 10, 2021

Jordan Zhao
21 Park Ln Cir
North York, ON M3B 1Z8

 

Greetings Mr. Zhao,

I am sorry to hear about your recent experience with Toronto Cameras. It is our mission to always put our customers first and provide quality service. I apologize for the trouble this has caused you so far.

The result of being recompensated in full for a damaged product is understandable. A broken lens is the exact opposite of what our business model stands for. While a complete refund is beyond the scope of our warranty, a complimentary repair of the damaged lens can be provided. This repair will be processed on account of the drop-off of the item at any of the Toronto Cameras stores. Providing quality service to customers has been the biggest priority. Please accept the attached credit voucher of $100 off the next purchased item. This credit voucher can be used at any of the Ontario store locations.

Thank you for choosing to shop with Toronto Cameras. Your concerns are a valuable part of reaching greater standards with respect to our company and the quality of our service to customers. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any further questions.

 

Sincerely,

John Appleseed, Manager
Toronto Cameras

Enclosure: Credit Voucher & Complimentary Repair Information

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Peer Review of a Formal Report

Peer reviewing a team member’s formal report gave the purpose of providing constructive and balanced feedback implemented with the use of the you-attitude throughout the review process. It is important to be concise and detailed when revising the report. Furthermore, it is beneficial to the writer when specific strengths are highlighted and examples are presented for identified areas of improvement.

View Peer Review of a Formal Report Here

To: Johnathan Tam, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Jordan Zhao, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: November 18, 2021
Subject: Review of Your Formal Report Draft – Assignment 3:3 Formal Report Draft Review

 

Peer Review / Formal Report Proposal: Determining the Feasibility of Increasing Security Measures at Condominium

Thank you for your submission of a well-composed draft detailing the potential issues around household security measures. This formal report clearly illustrates the potential problems to the audience of property owners that could benefit from potential recommendations. Please see the review of the formal report draft with some suggestions for improvement.

First Impression:

This is a clear formal report draft that features a problem that poses severe consequences to the directed audience. It meets all the assignment requirements, is well organized, and follows the format of a research proposal.

Content

• The overview of the problem and purpose of the report section presents the big picture issues very efficiently. It illustrates a detailed report of the key issues at hand and demonstrates a strong purpose as to why the analytical research report is needed.
• The background section could be further revised to contain more information that illustrates more of the potential problems of break-ins and burglaries.
  • Further revisions could focus on how these potential problems affect property owners in the condominium. For example, burglary can result in problems for residents awaiting important documents and packages to be delivered that could potentially never be re-obtained.
• The report precisely identifies and analyzes the presented issue of low safety and security measures for condominium members.
  • The report accurately takes account of the dangers and issues and presents a list of recommended solutions that are both workable and cost-effective.
  • The suggestion of installing security cameras is an excellent workaround to the analyzed issue and is cost-effective with a one-time payment from owners for implementation.
• The presented report mostly contains terms that are understandable at all reading levels.
  • However, there are some terms in the context of household ownership that could be further defined for reference to other readers outside of the identified audience using methods of definition
  • For example, the terms such as “condominium” and “strata” could be briefly defined.
•  The report is logically laid out beginning with an overview of the problems and has a good flow that leads to potential solutions that are backed up with primary and secondary data sources.
• All sections of the report are relevant and necessary for the identified reader of the report.
  • The sections created propose key issues and problems to the reader and build on these issues with a proposal for solutions that are presented by primary research.
  • The findings of the report provide a good reason for a proposal research report that gives the identified readers reason to potentially take action on the problems and follow in guidance with the list of recommendations.

Organization

• The formal report draft is presented in a well-organized layout that is clear and effective at all points.
  • There are only some minor issues that should be corrected such as a missing running head. This is a minor fix that can be corrected in reference to the guidance in the textbook.
• The draft is paginated but some minor edits to the pagination should be made.
  • The start of the pagination should begin in the introduction section. This means that the title page and table of contents should not list a page number. Please reference the textbook for guidance.
•  The draft contains and uses effective headings that reveal the content of each section of the report clearly.
  • The draft could be improved with further implementation of sub-headings that help break down bigger sections into smaller sub-sections around specific key ideas.
  • For example, the overview and purpose of the report section could be further broken down into individual sub-sections.
• The draft presented does a good job of avoiding long texts of paragraphs by breaking down these paragraphs into small sections of information.
• Each section of the report is in progression and clearly connected to the previous point. The details of each section properly add to the content of the report and build on the topic around the issues portrayed.
• There are currently no gaps in information that does not constructively add to the content of the formal report.
• The presented materials of the report add critical information to the analysis of the problem.

Style

• The formal report draft mostly uses the correct style and tone. There are slight instances where a subjective tone is used rather than an objective tone.
• For example, the background section of the report states the personal perspective and observations from experience. Instead, the report should reference these perspectives from an objective point of view such that the report is not influenced by feelings.
  • The report could make use of this information by being rephrased to present these findings from an objective point of view.
  • Please see the textbook for further reference on these corrections.
• Overall, the formal report draft presents a positive tone throughout the entirety of the report. This is important to remove any bias and personal influences as it may present the issues of carrying out the report for personal gains.
  • The report does an excellent job in representing the topic at hand for the measures of all condominium residents and the practical measures of the condominium owners.
• Furthermore, the report makes good use of the writing technique where the tone fully reflects a you-attitude toward the identified readers such to illustrate the ability for the readers to review and possibly respond to the issues by reference to the given list of recommendations.
• Each section of the report fully provides details that add to the concise understanding of the report.

Design

• The presented report contains and makes good use of graphics and graphs of the research findings.
• The contents of the graphics are well-designed, effectively labeled, and integrated into the correct sections of the report.
• There are some minor edits that should be made to the labeling of the graphics.
  • The graphics should be centered in the middle of the report and should also have the corresponding graphical captions centered as well.
  • There should not be a title for the presented graphics unless these are the subsections to be used to further discuss the specifics of the graphics in the report.
  • Otherwise, these graphics can be referenced in-text via a reference to the figure number.
•  The overall presentation of the report draft is reader-friendly and makes good use of graphics such that it is visually appealing.
  • The graphics could be slightly minimized such that it clearly distinguishes between the sections of text and graphics.
  • The use of extra-large graphics blends all text sections into the graphical sections such that the use of smaller images creates a clear distinction between these parts.

Technical

• There are a few grammatical and technical errors in the presented formal report drag.
  • For example, the title of the report should also capitalize the word “measures”.
  • Please review the captions and sections for other corrections of grammatical errors.
• There are some corrections needed in the citation section of the report.
  • Please review MLA citation procedures and make sure to make use of a hanging indentation.

Concluding Comments:

This formal report draft on the analysis of security measures at condominiums is well presented. It is backed by primary resources with qualified personnel arranged to conduct meaningful results and recommendations. The following adjustments would make this proposal outstanding. The formal report is on track and provides concise findings that lead to potential cost-effective solutions.

• Further review of grammatical errors
• Adjustment of the title
• Implementation of a running head and correction of pagination
• Further review of MLA citation
• Correction of graphical design layouts and figure captions

Thank you for this wonderful formal report draft. This proposal is on track for success and clearly illustrates the ability to form conduct meaningful analytical findings to the issue at hand. This is on track for successful recommendations and further review of the issues by the listed audience readers. Please do not hesitate to ask any questions.

 

Best,

 

Jordan Zhao

 

Enclosure: ENGL301_Formal-Report-Draft Assignment 3.2 – Formal Report Draft Johnathan Tam