Hatfield College, Durham

I think one of the most common lessons children are taught is that they need to overcome fear, that they shouldn’t be afraid.  “There’s no reason to be afraid of the dark,” a loving parent might tell their child. “I need you to be brave now,” says the parent before the child goes to the dentist.  But what does that bravery really mean?  To some bravery is about not being afraid – they see it as a synonym for fearlessness.  But I disagree.

When asked if a man who is afraid can be brave, the great Eddard Stark once said “that is the only time a man can be brave.” Being brave is about overcoming fear, moving past the fear, or embracing it.  One popular adage that always seems to make its way onto Lulu Lemon bags is ‘Do one thing a day that scares you’.  Basically the idea is that by pushing through that fear, you can experience something new and exciting.  I don’t remember when I first heard it (or if I first read it off the side of a Lulu Lemon bag for that matter), but it really stuck with me.  For years I’ve been forcing myself to do things that scare me and never have I regretted it. Taking a strange class, talking to that person who looks interesting, anything that makes me feel uncomfortable or nervous.

I think it’s probably pretty clear where I’m going with this by now. I am afraid of going on exchange; the very thought of packing up and leaving the country terrifies me. And I couldn’t be less bothered by it. Being afraid is a natural part of doing something new.  The bigger the new thing, the more the fear.  Going on exchange is one of the biggest ‘new things’ I’ve ever done and naturally the fear matches that.

But is there more to fear than just being something to overcome?  In The Dark Knight Rises, Batman ends up trapped in an underground prison. There is a way out, but it is a treacherous climb.  After failing many times, another prisoner offers some advice.  Batman cannot succeed at the climb because he does not fear death.  The older prisoner says “How can you move faster than possible, fight longer than possible without the most powerful impulse of the spirit: the fear of death.”  Fear becomes Batman’s motivator – instead of wasting strength trying to overcome it, he gains strength from it.

If you can get by the terrible pop culture reference, it’s actually a pretty powerful message. Fear isn’t just something to overcome, it’s something to embrace.  Obviously I’m not Batman so I’m not trying to run faster than possible (and the fear I’m facing isn’t death), but there’s still something very relevant to the advice from that old prisoner.  My fear of the unknown can be useful for me. Fear of missing out, fear of wasting my experience, fear of boredom – these things all motivate me to take advantage of every opportunity available to me. They motivate me to say yes to the friend who wants to go to the worst club in Europe, to go visit Prague, and to ask that person I have my eye on out.

Being fearless is overrated.  Fear is a universal human emotion, present in every culture. It is part of what makes us human; it is part of our shared human experience.  I’m not Batman.  I don’t need to run faster than possible.  All I need to do is embrace the opportunities that will surround me in Durham.  I am proud to say I’m afraid to go on exchange. Fear doesn’t need to define me, how I deal with that fear will.

Yours in blogging,

Dude Does Durham.