I’m wearing orange today.

Not that I want to stand out and be seen.

But because so many of us are not seen.

So many of us are living silently and wanting to disappear,

altogether.

So many of us can barely get out of bed in the morning even though it’s the first day of university, the first week, the second week, and things are supposed to be new and exciting,

but they’re not.

Because you’re hurting inside, you want to be whole, you can’t see through the darkness.

And you need something bright.

That’s why I’m wearing orange.

To be a bit of brightness in the darkness that hovers around you.

To be a bit of hope that says “You can do it.” 

Hope that came alongside me when I was suicidal, and said, “Abbie, you’re worth so much and cannot be replaced.”

You are worth so much. You’re worth more than depression tells yourself. You CANNOT be replaced, no matter how insignificant you feel, and no matter how people treat you.

You can’t see it now, but I can. I’ve been there.

And trust me,

sisters, and brothers,

it gets better. 

The sun peeks out some days.

A little bit of brightness emerges.

And one day, you will, too.

Maybe not today, or tomorrow, maybe not even next year.

But one day, the darkness will lift.

You can get through this! I know you can.

If you or a friend are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please, please, please, don’t leave it to the last minute. There are many resources on campus and off campus -and around Vancouver/wherever you are.

You can call 1-800-SUICIDE (1.800.784.2433) or visit UBC Counselling Services or TWLOHA .

Some tips to get you through each day:

1) exercise. i know it’s hard enough getting out the door to class when you feel like your world is crumbling or like you can’t feel anything. but your body and mind and spirit need those sweet endorphins you get from exercise. If you can, take the stairs, or walk the long way around to your classes. try not taking the campus bus. heck, even just walking from class to class is excellent exercise!

2) eat. your brain cannot function without healthy food, or food in general. if vegetables and fruit don’t appeal to you, eat something else. just eat. of course, veggies and fruit can boost your mood- or take the edge off a bit. especially during school season, all of us need to be eating adequately- ideally more than 2000 calories (even if you’re a woman). we can’t even think straight without enough good food, and depression may only worsen if you’re avoiding food because of the depression.

3) find a buddy. loneliness sucks, eh? even if you don’t want to talk to anyone about your pain and thoughts(which I recommend), finding a friend who cheers you up and doesn’t drag you down makes a world of a difference, a friend who just loves you and likes being with you. try making a friend in your class. i know for me the class sizes are daunting(coming from a town who actually has less people in it than my chemistry class), and there’s so many people in a rush all the time. but maybe one day introduce yourself to a classmate. go to a social. just do something to be a part of the world around you. even if it`s kids(plenty of volunteer ops there), or older people(so grounding), i strongly encourage you to surround yourself with people who accept you.

4) don`t overload yourself. if you are getting too dragged down in the next month or two, drop a class(last day to drop a class at UBC is October 11, 2013). try saying no when people ask you to do things and you feel like you`re at the end of your rope. get lots of rest my friends : )