Author Archives: amryn

About amryn

psychology student studying at UBC

end of an era

So it ends, I have mixed feelings about this. As I sit here thinking about what to write, I feel melancholic. It’s not just saying goodbye to a super cool class and teacher but also to start learning an IMMENSE amount of analytical reading and critical thinking when reading books. I learned that instead of just skimming through the words and taking the novel at face value, there are so many underlying factors that contribute to an enjoyable read. Every time I turned a page, I read worlds that were completely out of my comfort zone and also some familiar ones.

The weekly blog posts was not an unfamiliar feat for me as I have been in classes with weekly assignments. However, the content of the blogs were something that did surprise me. I assumed we would have to really get into detail analyze specific themes, but we were asked to write about thoughts and feelings instead. This was a pleasant change in pace and definitely not because it was easy. trust me when I say I would sit on my computer for hours and just come up blank because maybe a book did not really interest me. I tried to connect with each text and create the best blog posts to my ability. At first I will say it was a bit rocky, but I think in the end I really got the hang of it.

Moving on the actual class time, the class felt more of a discussion than a lecture which I know was what the professor was going for. This style of teaching really resonated with me because I loved hearing other peoples point of views and seeing whether it matched with mine or maybe that I was completely off base. Now I am not a huge fan of talking in class, but I do think that this class brought mw out of my shell a bit. Also, some of the themes in this book related to the study of psychology, such as Thanatos, and I was super excited that I could relate something outside of this class to this class.

So all in all, I think RMST 202 was a class I will remember for a long time. If I could I would retake it over and over and read as many books as possible. At the beginning of this class I wrote that I read more non-fiction fantasy/ romance books. The genres we read in this class were very unfamiliar to me, but I now can’t wait to buy more and read all the books I was not assigned to in this course. Thank you!

faces in the crowd

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This novel was different from the ones we have read before. The narration starts off with a women who is researching a poet. She starts obsessing over him in an almost unhealthy way and creating a life for him. She immerses herself in what she observes to be his life and creates her own voice for him. Around halfway through the novel, the narration changes to the voice she created for him. My overall thoughts on this novel were quite good, I was captivated by her obsession and yearned to see what lengths she would go to to research this poet.

In the novel she wrote “I have to remember never to put in more than is necessary, never overlay, never furnish or adorn. Open doors, windows. Raise walls and demolish them.” While reading this I was thinking that she needed boundaries so she didn’t get lost in her subject – Owen the poet. I thought she might have known of her obsessive tendencies and didn’t want to put them on display. But continuing the book and also reading other reviews I saw another point of view which was that the narrator wrote this so readers could put in their own imagination throughout the book. I wanted to touch on this because I am not quite sure I agree or maybe I just don’t understand. I feel in the book it is quite clear to understand who is narrating or talking at each point and I guess there could be some imagination in regards to the ghosts and who they are or if they are even there, but again this route doesn’t make too much sense to me either. If someone can explain this to me, please do because I am racking my brain trying to understand where is the novel we as readers could insert our own imagination.

I also want to talk about the son, when he asked his mother what her book was about, she replied that it is about ghosts, but then goes on to say that they are not dead. This is a bit of a contradictory answer because how would they be ghosts if they are not dead? This supports my ideas of the fact that the mother is writing about a life she was never able to live. She inserts herself into real life situations such as Owens life, but she calls it a ghost story because it was never real.

Question of the day, what was your take on the ghost aspect of the novel, did you think it was an important symbol/ feature of the book ?

jealous of Felix, I want an Eulálio

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This book was a short read, I think it touches on the topic of identity and illusions. The story follows the friendship of Felix and his surprising houseguest Eulálio. I envy Felix because I have actually dreamt about this specific scenario, talking to my animal sidekick is insane and I need this to happen to me. The author blurs the line between fiction and reality in this book and gives the readers a place where our pasts are not fixed and our identities can be fluid.

Felix is a man who does extensive research for his job and creates fabricated past and new identities for his clients. I feel like he is so controlled within his life that when Eulálio comes in, he disrupts Felix’s solitude. Eulálio has such a complex past I think Felix does not know how exactly to approach the situation, but soon they become good friends. The act of Felix changing and burying pasts makes the readers think about how much we don’t know about others and makes us question reality.

Like many of the books we read, this book has a heavy focus on memory. Eulálio, in particular, emerges as a symbol of the fluidity of identity, almost embodying the chameleon-like nature of human existence. As Felix struggles finding himself, he is forced to confront the possibility that his carefully constructed reality may be nothing more than an illusion. I think he starts to realize that he can create any version of himself he wants, but when is that supposed to end? When is he really going to figure out who he is and what his life has been. It makes me question how easy I can manipulate my memories and how easy it is to forget oneself when living in an illusion for so long.

Honestly at some points of the novel I though Ventura and Buchmann were the same person. There were overlaps at some points that lead me to think that because of the way they would see the same events but in different perspectives, was that just Felix trying to see it in a different way? This book was set after a bloody war so Felix could have split personalties due to trauma or tragic experiences he witnessed that caused his enough stress to want to disassociate somehow. Eulálio was the catalyst to Felix’s road to self discovery and a symbol that memories are malleable but you have to be careful because sometimes you can get stuck in the worst ones and they may become real. Eulálio’s death by scorpion was a perfect example of that.

Question of the week, did you also think buchmann and Ventura were the same person or did you interpret this differently ?

money to burn,

the lover, was it love?

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Racial identity is a large running theme in this novel and we see this interracial relationship transcend the norms of the society and time in which the novel is set. The narrator often goes on tangent that deter from the story line which I don’t have a huge issue with, but sometimes it made me loose track. She started a relationship with a man that is twelve years older than her and a different race than her. I don’t want to touch on this too much, but just know that it did make me uncomfortable. The narration was switched between the first and tire narration and I think this pays homage to the traumatic childhood she has so her mind was a bit chaotic. Therefore, making the narration a bit chaotic.

We see the amount of references to the Chinese man by the narrator. It is quite interesting actually because the narrator does not even refer to themselves with name. She refers to herself as the “the white girl” and to the Chinese man as “the Chinese from Cholon. This shows that their race is what identifies them rather than their personality or abilities and even though her lover is wealthy, he is not white and therefore considered an outsider. Touching on more norms, the sexuality norms for white women were basically that they were to save themselves. Her sexual awakening with this man also tore through the norms of this “virgin” stereotype for girls. I have not really read a novel where the sexual passion was so intense especially from a women’s perspective. Interestingly enough, as soon as she started her sexual awakening she came across a man as passionate as her who was willing to enter a forbidden relationship. Also the fact that the man in the relationship felt more vulnerable than the women was a refreshing change in pace from the books we have been reading.

She did not express true feelings of love towards her older lover even though he did. She honestly did not show much emotion other than lust towards him. But then we do see how when her brother died she had intense emotions and that showed she could feel love towards someone. But to be real, she is just a girl trying to come into her own. Even though it was not the most ideal way to go about it she felt suffocated in her life and I think this also relates to the heat in the setting of her book. She has the opportunity to escape so she does.

Question of the week, I picked out this quote (below) because it stood out to me. I wonder how you interpret it? Do you feel it is a straightforward statement or does it have meaning that relates to the theme of the book ? I think that it relates directly to the fact that she is a desired object who realizes this thought too late.

“No one you look at is worth it. Looking is always demeaning.”

girl was lost half the time – the hour of the star

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The hour of the star is a novel I struggled reading. This blog is probably going to be confusing and all over the place, but I am just going to write my thoughts on specific scenes rather than the novel itself. First off, the narration threw me for a loop because I thought I was reading the dedication of the book or the reason why the author was writing it. Then I realized I actually started the book so I had to go back and re read the first few pages. Still I am a bit lost, is the author writing about a story from her personal life or is this a story she made up?

This made me think of the Netflix black mirror episodes where you can pick and choose which scenes you want to play out because like mentioned in the lecture, it is up to the reader to decide if the author has made the right decisions within the novel. I found it odd how the narrator kept questioning his choices in the novel with questions such as “How should I know?” This bothered me because it the narrator does not know then how does the book expect me to figure that out. Some people may like this freedom structure however, this is honestly my worst nightmare. I am glad I read this book because it taught me what I did not like in a novel, I felt too frustrated and just eager to know solid reasons where there were none. There were a few instances where the narrator was so caught up in a scene and he did not question it, I had more interest reading those parts. This may be because I am such an indecisive person that I need something decisive to balance my brain and make reading enjoyable.

One thing I did appreciate in this book was the humour. I did find myself laughing at a few things, one being where she was talking about slapping someone in their dumb face. I think I would say the exact same thing. Something interesting I noticed in the book was the use of three words. For example, when she was talking about novelties she said “…emerald, emerald, emerald…”. And again when she found a book she said “She thought, thought, and thought!” Does the use of repetitive words display that she was raised in a lower class?

Speaking of Macabea herself, the author kept mentioning that she was a virgin and a first I was confused as to why. I think the author even mentioned how her soul is a virgin and the more I read I could tell her virginity was referring to her inexperience with many aspects of her life.

Honestly I do not have much more to say about this book. I couldn’t really see a deeper meaning to it.

In the beginning of the book the author says that the book that is meant to be cold. My question is did you feel this book was cold or were you emotionally invested ?

time of the doves

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Mercè Rodoreda’s “Time of the Doves” is a whirlwind of a novel surrounding the life of a woman. This young women goes through a journey and this novel follows her through first person narrative and shows what is going on in her head. Starting out Natalia is an ordinary girl who falls in love with Quimet, and I can see a million red flags in Quimet. This man is quite literally abusive and controlling, but Natalia is surrounded by a fog too thick to see the bad side of Quimet and focuses on his good side. Immediately I related to Natalia because she says “It was hard for me to say no if someone asked me to do something.” As Taylor Swift would say, Natalia and I are both pathological people pleasers. This was the first sign I knew I would appreciate this book. Natalia is not one to speak out or try to recreate the mold of a woman and honestly I do not see how this is a bad thing for her. Sure, it was frustrating at times seeing her be as naive and timid as she was, but it is nice to see something more relatable to the general population of women especially because of the setting of the book which took place, during the time of the Spanish civil war. At least she was self aware.

I think she tried her best to focus on her circle of life rather than what was going on around her because there was a large portion of the book where there was no direct mention of the war. The narration was almost as it was coming straight from her thoughts because I noticed a lack of commas. I had to stop a few times to make sure I was reading the sentences correctly because how how long the were. It almost felt like written anxiety. However, I did appreciate the feel of this style of writing because it did feel like I was in her head rather than seeing her through an outsiders perspective and this helped me relate to her a lot more. As much as we were inside her head, we really could not predict what she was going to do or in some cases what she was feeling which I thought was odd. When she got told Quimet had died, she went to breathe, but I was unsure if it was a breath of relief, shock, sadness? Maybe a little bit of everything.

I could tell how much she struggled with leaving her children and how much she resented her husband, because she sabotaged his dove breeding hobby. I felt this was kind of symbolic because it is the first out of character thing Natalia does. With this started the domino effect of raising her kids on her own, living in poverty and having thoughts about suicide and killing her children. I felt a lot of people were shocked by the fact that she had those thoughts, but with her sheltered life and how she was treated by her husband I think she thought it was the best thing to do for her kids at the time. We saw from the beginning how naive she was and so even though yes it was a terrible thing to think, I was not at all surprised.

Finally she was offered a job and this was so sweet for me to read. I loved that she could overcome her negative thoughts and how she was offered a light. She needed this to pull her out of a dark place and I would have been really upset if this story ended in death.

My question is did you judge Natalia for having thoughts of killing her children? Judging does not have to be in a bad way, but just like girl what are you doing (shocked) kind of way. Or did you understand her thought process given her situation?

black shack alley- Zobel

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This book follows the hardships of those who were trapped by the French aristocracy and told they would be free, yet are still victims of poverty and oppression. Working in the sugar cane fields because it is their only source of income they are invisible to everybody else. I found this book extremely enlightening and different to how others have written about oppression before.

Zobel writes about the community, spirituality and culture that surrounds José and M’man Tine. A prevalent topic in this book is superstitions. We see that Jose from a young age has always listened to the superstitions he has heard, one being out how to never talk to someone on the road at night because they could be a spirit and are your voice to the devil. I found that very interesting because I know Hawaiian natives also have a superstition that follows along those lines. It made me curious as to where superstitions came from and how they travelled across the world.

This brings me to the next topic which is oral traditions and stories that are passed down. Jose was told many stories by Mr. Médouze who was trying to pass down certain words and phrases used in the West Indies. Without the use of oral transmission so many stories, practices an cultures would be lost and I think that Zobel was trying to emphasize the point that especially in your darkest times should you keep the memory of your ancestors because it will help motivate and guide you. One example of somewhat of a tradition or just a saying that Mr. Médouze uses is “Eh cric! Eh crac!” This is a storytelling method that originated in Africa to call attention to someone when they are about to tell a story or tale. You could tell that Jose really enjoyed these stories because they provided an escape from reality in which his was poverty and working in the fields. I related to this sense of escape not on a reality level but in the sense that I anticipate stories because of the feeling of getting lost in them.

There is also this dichotomy of how Jose loved the sugar fields so much because he had memories of eating them and memories with his community. However, this field represents the tie that bounds his community to the fields and how the fields are the only way to survive the poverty in his life.

Do you think the cane field symbolizes joy and happy memories or oppression? Can it be both?

the taboo life of agostino

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The journey from youth to adulthood, from innocence to knowledge is prevalent throughout this book. The emotional breakthroughs of the protagonists are as unsettling as they are intriguing, especially his feelings contradicting societal norms as he has inappropriate feelings for his mother.

Set in an Italian summer, Agostino explores his sexuality by trying to navigate his desire for power and lust. We see him experience his first taste of jealousy when his mother is with a new boy. One could argue that he just wants time with his mother and feels he will be abandoned for this new boy. However, I think the author is trying to explore the darker aspects of human nature and morality through adolescence. Nothing I have read has touched this freudian topic as closely as this book has and I find it almost taboo to read about such topics.

I think something that did resonate with me is when he was at the beach with his friends and got a taste of friendly competition and camaraderie, but also insecurity and confusion about who he is and how he should act. Acceptance is a huge part of Agostinos journey and I appreciated this scene being the start of his journey out of childhood. I remember when I was trying my best to fit in not realizing that friends should be accepting of you and not who you try to be.

In my view, in the modern era, people don’t take heavy topics seriously. These topics are overly fantasized and it almost feels like this would never happen in real life. I don’t know if fantasized is the right word but fictionalized? Meaning that people almost get desensitized with certain topics that are meant to be taken in a more serious manner. In this book however, I feel the topic of sexuality and the taboo surrounding it, has not been discussed. Therefore, the majority of people have not been desensitized and I think that is what made this an interesting read.

I am curious to know peoples opinion on freud theories and if you think that influenced this book?

the shrouded woman

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This book like many others, has undoubtedly been my favourite read so far. I appreciated the lighthearted feel to the book even though the themes tend to be on the deeper side. The story follows a women and her journey to find love and break free from the norms that bound women in a society run by men. Ana realizes through her journey of life that love is a concept made up by people who think woman are dependent, sentimental and emotional beings.

As a woman trying to find herself in life, this book related to me in many ways and I found comfort in Ana Maria and her life. The outdated thoughts of being raised to breed and marry are challenged often in this book by Ana Maria, especially after she loses her “precious” virginity and becomes impregnated by Ricardo. Personally I was rooting for this and was extremely upset when Ricardo abandoned her and she ended up in a marriage with Antonio. It felt like every single story I have ever been told about women was repeating itself while Ana became a shell of herself during the years of being married.

Although I feel she tried her hardest to overcome the patriarchal society women are forced to live in, she eventually became dependent on a man. Even though she did not love Fernando, she waited for him even on her deathbed and this dependence. As she lays on her deathbed she realizes that you are who you project onto others. She projected dependence and emotional tendencies such as pettiness, naivety, and selfishness and became a person she was trying to escape from.

Overall, this book was a refreshing change of pace and was more of an easy read. I related and learned a lot from this book so I am glad I read it. A question I have is when you die, would you rather live through all your memories or just forget everything?