May
4
The world turns
Posted by: Natasha Chiang | May 4, 2011 | Leave a Comment
Hold structure,
don’t let life pass,
let yourself be free.
Cause your much more
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Last night as I was packing I felt waves of anxiety overcome the bubble of excitement that I’ve been living in for the past few weeks. Suddenly, it really, really, hit me: that I’ll be going away to another country that will have different norms and will be worlds and worlds away from home. Even though I’ll only be away for three months, the anxiety is still there. I’ve never travelled away from home myself. It’s a new experience, something full of personal challenges I may have to face on my own. I wonder, if I am feeling this anxiety, if that means I am learning already. In all our pre-departure sessions we learned to identify confused and uncomfortable moments as opportunities for learning. I know it won’t be easy. With each day drawing closer, I am more and more tentative, but this is normal, and I do know I need to take this step out before I can make any sense of where I am going with my degree.
I don’t know if there are other students who have experienced their education as I have… regarding it as a ‘responsibility’, imposed onto me by parents, cultural norms, or simply something that I pegged for myself since I was 6 years old because that was the expected goal for every good child. I am an avid learner and I love every moment I am a student. But, I can’t help but wonder if my experience as a student has been shallow up until this point. I haven’t felt many ‘aha’ moments in my years as a student. Have I even been following my heart? I don’t know who I am in that respect, yet. I really, sincerely, pray that my experience will be full of learning. About myself, at least.
I crave that discomfort that pushes me out of my comfort zone. I crave wisdom from those who have learned and felt from experience. I look forward to my conversations with students in Africa, because I am so sure they must learn differently from us. Not to create an ‘us versus them’ dichotomy, we are so careful to identify this now, but to really accept that cultures influence how education is delivered and shapes students. Most of all, I look forward to being away from home, and friends, and comfortable spaces… I anticipate the moments when I will be with myself, and the advice I give/take will really be my own, uninfluenced by the ideas and expectations that I may have habituated to.
I am so nervous. I found myself packing enough to last me for months and months on end and it shocks me how little I need. I am so, so, so sheltered. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. It’s allowed me to comfortably and safely learned the textbook material that has led me to this point where I will step out beyond the boundaries of B.C. which have defined how I’ve lived as a Vancouverite and a student… I want to be a global citizen, and not just on paper. I think I am nervous because I have no idea where this will lead me, so I am tentative. But, I am willing to take on any challenge. I have made a big deal out of this trip. It is a big deal. I will come home and read this and be able to compare. Perhaps I won’t change much. I hope that is not the case.
I want to let go and proclaim to the world, ‘I’m ready! Take me on! I will be your modelglobal citizen!’, but that would be naive, and reckless, and incredibly self centered of me. So I will keep the sentiment in heart and be as confident as I can possibly be, in who I am not what I know, and be respectful to all those I meet and work with in Africa so I can really learn and keep note of where I stand in this world.
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Words are words are words