January 2012 – discovery

disregard

Today I opened my old hotmail account since a very long time and realized with dread how many web accounts I’ve set up over the past 10 years ever since I learned how to set up accounts. There are so many web identities I have; there is so much of me in all those identities, all over the web. What a freakish thought.

I woke up around 2am to finish some homework for the Chinese course that I am taking for credits towards graduation and naturally around 4am I got distracted and started browsing through previous blog posts. I realized how much thought I put into every blog post, so much so that they revealed way too much of who I am. But I suppose that was the point. Anyway I tried to delete the post but didn’t because 1) I forgot the username/password to that blog and 2) it feels wrong to un-write something, just because you can’t just take words back like that, can you? Either way I should look into finding that username/password combo and disregard the latter reason in the name of my future professional profile.

I also need to change my legal name. Perhaps in May.

There are a lot of things I want to disregard from my past, because mistakes are embarrassing. Yet that is how I learned. All those silly immature versions of me have shaped who I am today: university graduate, communicative, loving daughter, loyal friend, faithful and trusting girlfriend. I am still making mistakes. Just learning not to broadcast them onto the web– I’ve learned from that mistake already.

It’s going to be a long, long, long day. Tomorrow is Saturday. I am going to sleep in until noon and read all afternoon and maybe even take a nap a few hours after I wake up.

reliability

It always strikes me funny that my father brings up people who were part of my childhood, and asks me how they are doing as if they are all still in my life. Even though I have amazing people in my life who have been there every step of my degree, my parents still remember the kids I grew up with in elementary school better than the names of those important people in my life now. I am not sure why. Perhaps it is because I let them be more involved in my life back then, and now they don’t know the people who I care about. This is definitely a sign that I should spend more time with them and introduce my friends to them– I shall add that to my new year’s resolution.

Childhood friendships were a lot more innocent and simpler. I think I’m lucky to have two close friends from back then, now (SL, PT). Both live in the States now, but even that hasn’t gotten in the way of us being there for each other and keeping in touch. I love that. Every new year, I reflect on the people I care about and love and it surprises me how many years has gone by in those truly meaningful friendships: ER, MW, KL, KZ, ML. They have been there always, without fail, year after year. They are people I see less than once a month, but who’re always on the same page as me when we do find time to meet up and catch up. They are people I want in my life well past college. I love them. There was never any doubt about that, or of our trust.

I am a very lucky, blessed girl, and I have so much to look forward to this year (and onwards). For that fact, I still say prayers of thanks.