Category: Self Discovery

Categories
College Personal Self Discovery

I spy with my little eyes

My eyes are drawn to

the pile of CD’s, Surround by Jon Bauer/ Passion Awakening Concert/ Reconnect Me (talk by a youth pastor) and books of short essays, On Friendship by Montaigne/ The Wars by Timothy Findley,
the order in which they’re stacked is a bitter reflection of what importance they hold in my life.
though the fact that they are anywhere on my desk at all should be
an indication/proof?/meaning/ a reminder
that I am who I am because I’ve lived through all those phases;

a corner in my room where a pile of what looks like junk sits, since August 17
They are a collection of fresh batteries, travel- sized floss, pencils and pens, small ziploc bags even, select postcards,
my emergency things when I was abroad, in Africa, Europe, in the air flying between places
Now, they are objects useless in relation to what sorts of things I need now.
Which are: books, ipod and its charger, blackberry and its charger, box of makeup, plate of jewelry, ID’s, usb’s, my agenda, post-it notes,
so all these things, along with the assignments already accumulating from the start of this school term, September 8, have pushed almost everything
related to Africa and my experience there
aside. Life is much more fast- paced here.
To which my best friend laughed at, she who started her new life in New York; her life even more speeding.
She misses the Vancouver pace, which I also appreciate as the perfect rhythm compared to cities around the world. But, I crave the reality and earthliness of the village. The sounds (or lack thereof) and the stars, and the backdrop of fiery sunsets;

my textbook on cultural psychology,
which is teaching me how it is that researchers study
the interactions which I’ve experienced this past summer.
It’s tedious, reading the operationalized concepts reiterated over and over and over again.
I miss just doing;

the countless sweaters on my floor: seven.
six scarves, four pairs of legwarmers;
I love this season because these are my favourite wardrobe items;

my computer screen, which has been the center of my attention
ever since I got back from Africa
which is kind of pathetic.
I set time apart so that I get back in touch through words (reading, writing)
what would I do without literature? It’s shaped who I am.
I am currently reading: Alias Grace (Atwood), An Imperfect Offering (Orbinski), A Complicated Kindness (Toew), The Black Book (Pamuk), somehow all at once. It depends on what mood I’m in.
Too bad I’ve only been reading Personality perspectives, Abnormal Psychology, Cultural Psychology, Clinical Psychology, Guide to International Development, lately. #lifeofastudent
Also,ebooks are pathetic;

that it is 2:01am
04/10/2011
my internet is at four bars.
apparently these are important things to know.

Categories
Self Discovery

Education, a poem.

I found a copy of a poem written by one of our Library scholars back in Busolwe. It was written as part of his application to be a library scholar (whereby his school fees would be subsidized by the library), and the topic was “Education”.

Education.
Where did you come from?
Oh! God, you created others white and others black.
Is this the education I hear?

Education, that you’re wise, whosoever comes
to you becomes wise. WHY?…..?
Education I hear that whoever wants you
pays money!! That you education puts other
people to the first class which benefits a lot
others in the second class which benefits some how
less and others in the third class which totally
inherits nothing. What can do Oh! Education
tell me… … …

Education, should I befriend you so that
I also enjoy the class people in this world today.
And if so where can I find that man
called money to touch you education?

Categories
College Personal Self Discovery

disconnected dots

It’s been awhile since I wrote anything meaningful here. I find less reason to, now. I think I prefer to keep it to myself.

I also draw a blank when it comes to writing a new post. At the same time, I’ve been jotting more things down in my handy diary.

People ask me, what do you write in your diary? I think to myself, everything from quotes I like to books I’ve read to to-do lists which I love to self- affirmation statements, and smile and say, oh the usual.

I am more confident now, since I arrived back in Vancouver. I am more calm. I find myself stepping back and just being an observer, more and more. It’s made my piano playing more controlled. Perhaps I know more what it is that I am doing with my life. Or maybe I am just content with who I am. I know I have more faith in the approach I am taking to life.

I miss travelling. The conversations with strangers that either reaffirm who I thought I was or challenge who I always thought I was. I’ve become more like myself– I predicted I would, before I left. I think that in the midst of challenges, life experiences, and the stress of travelling alone, I could only hold onto the core of who I am… everything else I shed little by little in each community I visited.

I’m more ready to graduate than I thought I would be. Undergraduate studies is too broad and faceless for me. I want to do something more meaningful. I guess that’s the whole point of undergrad, anyway, to push you to figure yourself out. Some people already know– they don’t need the extra four years of school then I guess?

The city bothers me. But at the same time it’s my home, and so I love it. It’s a little like how family works, I think.

People also ask me how it is that I juggle everything I do at once. I like to say, I know I’d be so afraid of dropping any one of those things that I will push myself to my limits trying to juggle it. And I know that I will always push through; I always do.

There are some people I haven’t spoken to in such a long time, who have said important things to me when I needed it most. I doubt I will see them anytime in the near future. There are too many people around in my life. I’m thankful that there are two or three that have stuck by. In psychology we learn about how important community support is– It’s too bad that some people don’t realize this until it’s too late. Another note: I don’t try as hard (or even at all) to please other people anymore. What’s the point? I prefer to direct that energy to thinking about the people who need help in this world, wondering how it is that I can make myself one of those leaders who can make a change significant enough for those voiceless, nameless, faceless people in our world.

Also, I am afraid of falling.

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