“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
I think I chose to become a a teacher to start my journey to becoming an educator. I think the difference is that teachers affect classrooms, but educators affect a generation.
In living life, I generally believe in people; even when they give me no reason to sympathize with them, I understand (or I try to, anyway). I do the same as a teacher. I have been tutoring a student for a few months now, and today I had a serious talk with him and his mother because he wasn’t putting any effort into his homework and tests. He is so smart, but he doesn’t try at all. Most students don’t know what their strengths and weaknesses are, at least not in a whole sense. They know that they do better in one subject or another, but they don’t see the potential they have, considering their unique blend of personality/interests/academic strengths. To some students I teach, school is just something to “get over”. I always remember the students I worked with in the rural Ugandan village last summer, how they were all so hardworking because school represented hope and a better future. When I came back, I couldn’t understand for months why students were so much more apathetic towards learning. Some students’ attitudes were so terrible that it became so stressful for me to teach them. I told myself to understand why this was. I think that it is because here, children have everything they want. School is just another privilege taken for granted.
Whenever I teach students, my goal is not just to see their test scores improve. I want to see them mature. My greatest hope is for students to take perspective and appreciate the opportunities that are open to them. My goal is always to accept each student as he/she is, then to understand what approach fits them best. To see their grades improve means that I am helping them pass the levels of school before they can begin to discover who they are in society. In the classroom, it is not easy to accommodate all the students. I want them all to have a fighting chance at the school programs, universities, and jobs out there, but it’s obvious to see who the 1) lazy; 2) hardworking; 3) smart; 4) popular students are. I must consider all 25 personalities and levels of each of my students, and mark their work compared to their class average. Then I have to note how best to teach the material so that it can be understood by all my students in the class. I need to consider the dynamics of the class, the needs of each student, and how they can benefit from learning in a classroom environment. (Not every child learns well in a classroom.) Teaching a class requires so much patience and discipline. There has to be a system so that 20 people can communicate. It isn’t any easier when I tutor students one-on-one. In those hours, I am developing and nurturing a relationship with the student, which means that our agendas are much more personalized. After a few classes, their personalities show through, as do their bad habits. I feel like a mother sometimes, knowing exactly how they will react to certain instructions and topics. I need to listen to them, guide them appropriately, and know how to challenge/encourage/penalize them to help them improve most efficiently.
Whenever my students experience difficulties, I feel like I failed to teach them well. I know that all students have difficulties now and then, but I take it too seriously. Some nights I stay awake because I am thinking of approaches I can take to improve my teaching. When my students succeed, I feel as light as air, I want to dance around and tell them, “I told you so! You could do it all along!”. I want my students to know that I recognize the challenges I face so often in the classroom. I need them to know that I appreciate the many learning moments for me, as a teacher, so that they can use me as a model. I am a learner at heart, that is why I am a teacher. I want to teach them to learn as I do: not just from their textbooks or from what I tell them, but also from classmates, friends, parents, mentors, literature, the internet; most importantly I want them to learn from themselves.
I am looking forward to finally starting my Bachelor’s of Education in September. I want to know more people who understand how I feel about teaching. I want to understand where I fit into the history of the teaching profession. I think I will be tired for many nights in the future. It will be a good, satisfying, fulfilling, tired. I don’t think I am just fighting for my own dreams, but for theirs too. That is idealistic of me, maybe.