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entropy

There is always a pattern among even the most chaotic situations. It took us a month to accustom to the busy bustle of the towns and ‘cities’. Though it was intimidating at first, I realized that the hustle bustle was mostly due to the fact that there are so many people, and the busy atmosphere is really just a flurry of activity from all those individuals packed in a small space. What seemed odd merely a month ago is now something normal, even something to take comfort in. Every swerve on the streets, whether on the matatu’s, in a truck, or on a bike, is carefully calculated though it feels the complete opposite. When people yell in the taxi parks, Kampala, Kampala! Butaleja! Soroti! Jinja! Hey Muzungu, Kampala Kampala??! it is a normal occurrence, perfectly polite and in line with what their job is for—to me during our first visit to Mbale, every yell was an assault, as if they were all pouncing and pushing and vying for us to get onto their bus, no, that bus, no that one… etc.,… but now every yell, every approach is calmly dismissed if they don’t shout the destination I want. Who am I to blame them for the assumption that we are headed to Kampala? We are foreigners, after all, what business do they know we have in the small towns? I am fairly sure of the fact that we are all primed to be on guard in any new situation, more alert and sensitive to comments and actions from those who we are unfamiliar with. Unfair assumptions on my part have helped me deal with the situation during that time, but it took reflection and discussion with my team mates to realize that those assumptions were not truth.

While men jostled to get us onto their matatus, beggar children begged for alms, and men leered at us, I thought that they were just rude people in general, trying to get the most out of any mzungu they see. In hindsight, and having followed the same weekend routine for the past month, I’ve come to realize that all this activity is simply a way of life for them. It isn’t anything out of the ordinary—though I felt like everyone treated us mzungus with extra attention (and ulterior motives), in reality they treated all potential customers in the same way. Knowing that I am extra self- conscious, and also more sensitive, I’ve learned to sit back, breathe, and just observe. I keep the assumptions popping into my mind at bay, so that I limit my anxiety, and also maximize my learning in the new environment. It’s easier to notice the pattern of life in a new culture by exercising patience, accommodation, and to distance oneself from quick judgment of others.

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Kindergarten

(June 1)

It’s not fair that any of these children were born under these conditions. There are too many of them, and not enough resources, nor an efficient system, to serve them and/or train them into the best citizens that they can be for their country, their families, and themselves.

The little boy with the club foot, Josie, is just lying on the mat while the kids all play outside.

As each mother brings their child, they do it out of love for their kids’ well being.. but, as each new child is brought in to the kindergarten, it in turn jeopardizes their own chances of learning well because more and more children are brought in. The kids all end up just sitting there, not learning much. How do we overcome this problem??

Kindergarten.

The classroom became more of a daycare, as children kept arriving. At the most count, there were close to 50 children in that one small room. It was incredible to see all their little slippers outside the classroom. It was a sign to hear all the children sing the ‘Baby Jesus’ song to start off the class. I’m still figuring out what I think of the intricate tie between religion and education here.

Pretty soon, the sheer number of kids caused mayhem, and then we started to understand why teachers here use threats of punishment to control the students… it was impossible to manage all the interruptions as children cry, argue, tire, inquire, etc… Teaching in this cultural setting (i.e. having so many children in one room) requires a totally different set of skills than those used in our system back home. In N.A., teachers use particular sets of teaching styles, material, punishment, etc., to teach different grades. In that one room, there were children ranging from 3 years old to 7 years old. When a 3 year old started crying, the volunteer, Harriet, who was also our translator, called on his 8 year old sister to take care of him and stop his crying. How is that inductive to her learning at all? I’ve never seen an 8 year old called upon to care for her 3 year old little brother in a classroom setting.

Toward the end of our class, we were all exhausted. We wondered, how does the system here work?! What kind of system can accommodate for all these children and people and chaos? Step back, step back. Culture shock is all. We saw an older teenager, 18 years old or so, take the aforementioned 3 year old little guy, and their relationship was so comfortable and amazing that we began to appreciate the culture of the community… relationships between young and old and families are so important and so strong that somehow all the ‘chaos’ is manageable, and the community sustains its own system of learning and living.

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Academic Personal

The world turns

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Hold structure,
don’t let life pass,
let yourself be free.
Cause your much more

——–

Last night as I was packing I felt waves of anxiety overcome the bubble of excitement that I’ve been living in for the past few weeks. Suddenly, it really, really, hit me: that I’ll be going away to another country that will have different norms and will be worlds and worlds away from home. Even though I’ll only be away for three months, the anxiety is still there. I’ve never travelled away from home myself. It’s a new experience, something full of personal challenges I may have to face on my own. I wonder, if I am feeling this anxiety, if that means I am learning already. In all our pre-departure sessions we learned to identify confused and uncomfortable moments as opportunities for learning. I know it won’t be easy. With each day drawing closer, I am more and more tentative, but this is normal, and I do know I need to take this step out before I can make any sense of where I am going with my degree.

I don’t know if there are other students who have experienced their education as I have… regarding it as a ‘responsibility’, imposed onto me by parents, cultural norms, or simply something that I pegged for myself since I was 6 years old because that was the expected goal for every good child. I am an avid learner and I love every moment I am a student. But, I can’t help but wonder if my experience as a student has been shallow up until this point. I haven’t felt many ‘aha’ moments in my years as a student. Have I even been following my heart? I don’t know who I am in that respect, yet. I really, sincerely, pray that my experience will be full of learning. About myself, at least.

I crave that discomfort that pushes me out of my comfort zone. I crave wisdom from those who have learned and felt from experience. I look forward to my conversations with students in Africa, because I am so sure they must learn differently from us. Not to create an ‘us versus them’ dichotomy, we are so careful to identify this now, but to really accept that cultures influence how education is delivered and shapes students. Most of all, I look forward to being away from home, and friends, and comfortable spaces… I anticipate the moments when I will be with myself, and the advice I give/take will really be my own, uninfluenced by the ideas and expectations that I may have habituated to.

I am so nervous. I found myself packing enough to last me for months and months on end and it shocks me how little I need. I am so, so, so sheltered. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. It’s allowed me to comfortably and safely learned the textbook material that has led me to this point where I will step out beyond the boundaries of B.C. which have defined how I’ve lived as a Vancouverite and a student… I want to be a global citizen, and not just on paper. I think I am nervous because I have no idea where this will lead me, so I am tentative. But, I am willing to take on any challenge. I have made a big deal out of this trip. It is a big deal. I will come home and read this and be able to compare. Perhaps I won’t change much. I hope that is not the case.

I want to let go and proclaim to the world, ‘I’m ready! Take me on! I will be your modelglobal citizen!’, but that would be naive, and reckless, and incredibly self centered of me. So I will keep the sentiment in heart and be as confident as I can possibly be, in who I am not what I know, and be respectful to all those I meet and work with in Africa so I can really learn and keep note of where I stand in this world.

——–

Words are words are words

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