Peer Review of Definition – “Virtual Reality”

To: Jordan Zhao, UBC ENGL301 Student
From: Johnathan Tam, UBC ENGL301 Student
Date: October 5, 2021
Subject: Review of Definitions Assignment 1:3 – Virtual Reality

Peer Review/ Term: “Virtual Reality” Definition

Thank you for submitting the definitions assignment for unit 1:3. This assignment provided an excellent definition on the term “virtual reality” and is a very informative and enjoyable read. Please see below for some suggestions to improve the assignment.

First Impressions:

The assignment looks like a very well-organized document with an introduction, clear headings for each definition form, vivid visuals labeled with captions, and a works cited list at the end.

Organization:

• The introduction is well-written with a good outline regarding the objective of the assignment along with a detailed description of the intended audience/ reading situation.
• Including a bolded header for the introduction, in a similar style to all the other headings in the document, will further improve the organization.
• The expansion strategies listed in parenthesis under the Expanded Definition header do not match all the headers in that section.
  • For example, etymology and examples are listed but are not put as headers.
• Including a conclusion at the end will help to properly wrap up the assignment and restate the main points of the definition for readers. Currently, the document ends a bit unexpectedly without further explanation.

Content:

• The assignment meets all requirements as it includes:
  • An introduction that outlines the objective, criteria, and intended audience
  • Three forms defining a relatively complex term
    • Parenthetical Definition
    • Sentence Definition
    • Expanded Definition
  • At least four types of expansion strategies
  • At least one visual
  • A works cited list in MLA style or APA style

Definitions:

• The parenthetical and sentence definition are concise, yet very informative, which helps with properly understanding the term.
• There are a good variety of expansion strategies used – however, sentence definition should not be listed as an expansion strategy as it is one of the three forms of definition used for this assignment.
• Technical jargons can be a bit challenging to read. It could be helpful to provide further explanation of these terms. For example:
  • “The technology from these headsets is shown in Figure 2, in which there are separate LCD screens that render its images for each eye.”
    • A parenthetical definition could be helpful here to explain what LCD stands for and what it means.
• Great in-depth research was conducted for the potential applications of virtual reality.
  • The use of virtual reality in healthcare and education is much more obscure compared to its use in entertainment.
• The explanation of how virtual reality works is a bit difficult to grasp. It would help if this paragraph could be simplified.

Visuals:

• The visuals are very informative and helped in further understanding virtual reality.
  • It was very interesting to see images of virtual reality equipment in the past and compare it to present day equipment.
• Visuals are properly cited.

Works Cited:

• A properly styled citation list that includes more than the required amount of outside references.

Grammar and Typos:

• There are a few comma errors in the document. For example:
  • “The common gear used to experience virtual reality can be seen in Figure 1 which is the typically used headset that creates the near reality experience.”
    • A comma is needed after Figure 1.
  • “Early research by Charles Wheatstone, demonstrated that the human brain could process two different two-dimensional images from eye into a single image of three-dimensions.”
    • A comma is not needed after Charles Wheatstone.
• Some sentences have small errors which made it a bit confusing to read. For example:
  • “Virtual reality is seen as a consumer product in this field and is leads itself as a product for user experience.”

Concluding Comments:

This definition assignment is well-organized, detailed, and enjoyable to read. By making the following changes, it can be further improved to become an excellent document:

• Adding a header for the introduction
• Including a conclusion to wrap up the document and summarize the main points
• Correcting the expansion strategies listed under the Expanded Definition header
• Providing further explanation for technical jargons
• Simplifying the explanation about how virtual reality works
• Double-checking for grammatical errors and typos

Thank you for a great definition on the term “virtual reality”. It was a pleasure to review this assignment. Please do not hesitate to ask any questions.