To: Johnathan Tam, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Jordan Zhao, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: October 17, 2021
Subject: Review of Your Proposal Assignment 2:1 – Formal Report Proposal
Peer Review / Formal Report Proposal: Proposal for Determining the Feasibility of a Three-Step Plan to Reduce Screen Time
Thank you for your submission of a well composed proposal detailing the critical problems that result from increased screen time. This proposal clearly illustrates the potential problems to the audience of students in school who could benefit from potential recommendations. Please see the review of the proposal with some suggestions for improvement.
First Impression:
This is a clear proposal that features a problem that poses severe consequences to the directed audience. It meets all the assignment requirements, is well organized, and follows the format of a research proposal.
Organization:
- The format follows a research proposal layout.
- The proposal contains an introduction, problem statement, one proposed solution, scope of the research problem, methods, qualifications, and a conclusion.
- Excellent work on presenting all the material required for review.
Content:
- The proposal is complete and answers questions about what, why, when, and where.
- It reports a specific problem with potential recommendations.
- Proposal is complemented with an email memorandum
Clarity:
- There was a couple occasions where more details could be specified to build a better understanding of the specific problems or solutions described.
- For example, in the proposed solution paragraph where it explains the use of a three-step-plan, it was difficult to find the correlation between the goal and gym workout challenge at first.
- This could be simplified to a single sentence that combines both the choice and reason. For example, it could be explained as “adopting three goals as it is a simple way to build a habit which is similar to starting a 30-day-workout challenge.”
- Being clear here will help illustrate the importance that there is an attempt to start a plan and more importantly, that there is a plan that could be followed long term.
- Please review the grammatical correctness of your proposal, there are instances where sentences do not make sense.
Highlights/Weaknesses:
- This is a very important issue and a great topic of research interest.
- There are many articles that illustrate the consequences of overusing electronic devices.
- Great use of statistical research and analysis from articles. This helps present the potential severity of the problem.
- There is slight confusion on the subject title of the proposal.
- As described in the proposed solution, one potential solution is described as to reduce screen time in students. However, the research proposal seems to only describe researching this one solution only.
- For example, the research report could conduct a study on methods to reduce screen time with the implementation of a three-step plan being one of the possible solutions and the use of an app that locks a phone for a set duration being another.
- Please review your proposal subject as there should be further clarity of the big picture research topic and the targeted audience.
Audience:
- The proposal is described for an intended audience and will have the authority to act on recommendations.
Concluding Comments:
This proposal on potentially reducing screen time in students is well-formed. It is backed by primary resources with qualified personnel arranged to conduct meaningful results and recommendations. The following adjustments would make this proposal outstanding.
- Further review of grammatical errors
- Adjustment of the research proposal subject
- Correction of unclear statements
Thank you for this wonderful research proposal. This proposal is on track for success and clearly illustrates the ability to form a research proposal. This is on track for approval to conduct research and further review of the topic. Please do not hesitate to ask any questions.
Best,
Jordan Zhao
Enclosure: Johnathan Tam Formal Report Proposal
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