To: Dave Borrel, ENGL 301 Student
From: Jenny Li, ENGL 301 Student
Date: November 18, 2021
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft
Hello Dave,
Thank you for sending me your draft for the report “Assessing the Need for a Centralized Mental Health Support Service in Surrey BC”. The report is overall very impressive; the topic is relevant and ideas are well articulated. However, with some slight modifications, it could be even better. Below are some suggestions for improvement.
First Impressions:
The proposal looks well organized and includes all core elements of the report, as required for this stage of the writing process. The length of the proposal is appropriate and images included are relevant.
Content
- The report thoroughly introduces the situation, provides detailed explanation of the problem, and offers a logical solution
- Is able to provide enough explanation without being too wordy
- Level of detail is suitable for intended audience
- One suggestion is to avoid repetition of ideas in the introduction, specifically between the first 3 paragraphs, or use try to use different wording or synonyms when reiterating similar phrases
Organization
- Overall great organization as it is clear where each main section starts
- It may be a good idea to bold the sub-headings too
- Some chunkier sections of text may be converted into lists instead for better readibility
Introduction
- The content and writing style sparks engagement and interest towards the topic
- One suggestion is to mention the analysis of secondary sources in the “Method of Inquiry” section
Data Section
- Images used are relevant, straightforward to understand, and are labeled neatly
- Analysis of collected data is thorough and further improves understanding of results
- One suggestion for the data section is to consider using sub-headings that are more relevant to the addressed audience. For instance, instead of “Analysis of secondary research”, the intended audience, which is Dr. Victoria Lee, would perhaps be more interested in the “Feasibility” or “Benefits” of improving access and utilization of services
Conclusion
- Conclusion is concise and neatly summarizes main points
- Recommendations are logically given based on primary and secondary evidence stated in the data section
Grammar and Technical Errors
- The report is overall high in fluency
- Further proof-reading to correct typos and grammatical errors would improve the report
In summary, the draft for “Assessing the Need for a Centralized Mental Health Support Service in Surrey BC” provided necessary background information, detailed analysis and logical recommendations. By implementing the suggestions above, the report will be further improvements. Please let me know if you have any questions.
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