Drafting a Formal Report: the most common and serious errors

Drafting your Formal Report

Here are some notes to follow for writing the first draft of a Formal Report:

• Ask yourself, does my reader already know this information? If so, phrase sentences so that you acknowledge this.

For example:

Student: “There are 5000 students attending and transportation needs are important to consider.”

Rewrite: “Transportation for 5000 students is a major consideration because ….. (stay positive) …

• Remember, you are NOT writing this report for the Instructor
• Organize your report with small sections with bold headings so that a reader can quickly find the information they are looking for without having to read the entire report. Reports of this nature are often refereed to in meetings, with the reader looking to find specific details quickly, so organize the report for that reader.
• Refer to visuals in the text with DETAILS: i.e. – “Figure 3 demonstrates that 70% of participating students prefer to fly to their destination.”.
• Be sure your visuals are correctly titled and explained sufficiently in the text. Be sure to double check the textbook for correct  formatting examples.
• Be sure to use YOU attitude in the introduction to the report. This will also help ensure that you are focused on your reader’s needs as you write the introduction; and only the reader’s needs. Double check the example on the Instructor’s Blog.

Keep your self-editing eye on:

• over use of the passive voice (which increases word count);
• too many unnecessary words;
• too much unnecessary information;
• remembering, you are writing this report for someone else, not for yourself and not for me – but for the person who can act on your recommendations;
• remembering, this is not an essay, so please ensure that the introduction does not read like an essay; keep your paragraphs short and to the point and write with conciseness and clarity;
• remembering, your reader is busy;
• Editing with an eye for there two stylistic errors, which significantly increase your word count:
  • using a passive voice;
  • unnecessary words.

Here are two examples on how to eliminate unnecessary words by staying focused on details:

Student Draft: 105 words:

Opinions from employees working at the FWI were collected by conducting a short voluntary survey. The survey is anonymous, and it asks for their communication preferences and suggestions toward any new communication technologies. A sample survey is attached in Appendix A. The result of the survey was then analyzed in order to create appropriate interview questions. Research was also done for each possible communication option mentioned in the survey. An interview was conducted with the IT manager, Bev Fotiuk, regarding the costs of implementation and maintenance of potential communication software. Interview questions are attached in Appendix B. The feasibility of respective software was also discussed.

REWRITE: 53 Words

Thirty three FWI employees responded to a short survey designed to gather data on communication practices and suggestions for improvements (Appendix A). From analyses of this survey data, and secondary research, interview questions were designed to measure the IT manager’s (Ms. Fotiuk) perspectives on cost and feasibility of implementing new communications systems or software (Appendix B).

Student Draft: 65 Words

Since the author’s church is currently using the paper based offering record system, the author had to interview other churches which are using a church finance computer program in order to estimate the cost and time taken. However, the author was only able to interview one person, who attends a different church, because most people felt uncomfortable by being asked about their church’s financial system.

REWRITE: 33 Words:

Estimations of time and cost for a digitized system of accounting for Church offerings are calculated based on a personal interview with a member of the Samsung Presbyterian Church, also located in Vancouver.

I hope these examples will impress you with the necessity of editing with a focus on eliminating unnecessary information AND providing details, rewriting in an active voice, and careful word choices; always prefer nouns over verbs.

• PLEASE avoid the word ‘it’ – when you are self-editing, stop at every ‘it‘ and consider rephrasing the sentence.
• PLEASE do not end a sentence with a two letter word: at, it, on, in, if, so, an, of,
• Your report must be addressed to the reader – not to me.
• And, you need a name and address for your reader, do the research and find the name and email address of your reader.
• Your introduction is for your reader – not for me.
• Do not provide information your reader already has in order to enlighten me. I have your proposals with the background in hand.
• Stay in the present tense when possible.
• Avoid three verbs in a row.

Example:

“This survey was created to collect primary data that will be used to determine the efficiency of Web Checkout. With the results gathered, I will be able to find problematic points in the system, and make recommendations for improvement. [38 words].

Rewrite:

This is a survey to collect primary date to determine the efficiency of the Web Check-out system at ArtsIt, UBC. The results will indicate problems with the system and make recommendations for improvement. [36 words].