To: Tamar Tucker-Harrison
From: Brionne McWilliams
Peer Review / Term: Shot Distance
Thank you for submitting your definition for lesson 1:3. Please see my review of the first draft of your document below. I enjoyed reading your first draft due to your thorough expression and have made some suggestions for improvements, which I hope are helpful.
First Impressions:
• I fully understood the material on my first reading. The document was well written and gave enough information for the reader to understand the term. The document has all the assignment requirements in a well-organized format.
Organization:
• Underlining the headings makes the document fairly organized; however, I think bolding the headings will further emphasize the sections, which in turn would improve the organization of the document.
• The title for Figure 1 is not directly below the visual on the document.
• The visual needs to have a correct citation underneath the image – please see the textbook for an example.
• The document does not have a conclusion section, maybe adding a couple short concluding sentences to summarize the entire document would be helpful.
Expression:
• Overall, your tone is professional and concise.
• Your expanded definition using analysis of parts was very well written and explained each type of shot distance that exists.
• The use of three examples gave the reader a practical context for when these different shot distances were used and why they were used.
Content:
• The document is complete according to the assignment requirements; it includes
• An introduction
• Three forms of a single definition
• Four types of an expanded definition
• A visual
• A works cited list
Visuals:
• While the visual that you included was helpful in further understanding the term, the text on the image is hard to read. Therefore, it may be helpful to resize the image or create labels yourself in a different color.
Works Cited List:
• You have correctly cited three references for your assignment, but you have not provided the corresponding in text citations.
• The link that was provided to define shot distance, didn’t actually include the term “shot distance” in the article, making it a little hard for the reader to find the definition you used. I recommend you use a link that explicitly states the term and definition of your term.
• Works Cited should be labeled works cited instead of references.
Grammar and Typos:
• Overall, your document was well written, however, during my first reading I found three main typos.
• In the second paragraph of the analysis of parts section – “At farthest distance from the subject” should be rephrased to include “the farthest distance”.
• The sentence “With this framing, the view should expect to feel as if they situated incredibly close to subject” needs to include an article before the word “subject”.
• The sentence “Focusing on the eyes or mouth of a subject will force the viewers attention to the non-verbal communication attempting to be portrayed by the subject.” should include an apostrophe on the noun “viewers” and should be corrected to “viewers’”.
Concluding Comments:
• Your definition was clear, informative, and concise. By improving the minor grammar errors, including a conclusion, and adding in the appropriate information for the visual, this will be an excellent assignment.
• Bold headings
• Add in a figure caption, an in-text citation, and citation for the visual
• Self-edit for grammatical errors
• Include a conclusion
• Include a different source for the definition of the term
Thank you for submitting your assignment and please feel free to ask any questions, it has been a pleasure reviewing this work. Great job overall.
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