To: Brionne McWilliams, ENGL 301 Student
From: Beenish Fatima, ENGL 301 Student
Date: February 5th, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal- Assignment 2.1
First Impressions of Content
I have reviewed your formal report proposal regarding improving funding for severely autistic children. The problem outlined is compelling and the proposed solution is a feasible and applicable resolution. The qualifications and experience listed support your viability as a researcher exploring this topic and the scope of your leading research questions are comprehensive and thorough in nature. While the writing style is professional and concise there are several grammatically incorrect statements that disrupt the flow of the document. There are a few other areas that require improvement or additional supporting details and they have been highlighted in this review.
Overall Document Lay-out and Design
The organization of this proposal is excellent and meets the standard requirements of professional proposal writing. The documents subheadings are appropriately bolded and are for the most part well composed and reflective of the sections content. The subheading for the proposed solution section of the proposal has an unnecessary addition of ‘(Described 1 possible solution)’, this should be removed as it serves no clear purpose.
Proposal Content
Introduction:
The introduction is well done, it provides clear and concise information outlining the current state of the problem and the shortcomings of present policies pertaining to the issue. However, the introduction does not clarify who the proposed report would be conducted for and addressed to. The target of the report should be the individuals or institutions that can act on the presented recommendations and findings. The language used in the introduction could also be improved by utilizing a more persuasive voice for example, instead of writing “I believe that the government should…” simply write “The government should…”. Removing pronouns and diction that characterize the statement as a personal belief rather than a proposed solution based on facts, can drastically change the confidence and viability of the proposed research.
Statement of Problem:
The problem is logically defined, and the derived implications are specific and compelling. Making simple changes to the word choice and sentence structure can further improve the flow and clarity of this section. Additionally, by stating the “The problem is that…” directly after the “Statement of Problem” section heading is redundant and inefficient. This can be improved by delving directly into the problem statement— “The current funding plan does not account…”.
Proposed Solution:
The proposed solution is clearly stated and appropriately explained. The benefits of the proposed strategy are easily discernible and contribute to the perceived efficacy of the solution. The section is concise but is composed of enough details to obtain a general understanding of the proposal. To further improve the persuasive voice of this section, discard the initial “One possible solution to the problem…” component of the first sentence and delve directly into the proposed solution.
Scope:
The guiding research questions are comprehensive and provide structure to the exploration of this complex problem. However, there are no specific questions accounting for the limitations of creating and implementing individualized funding plans for autistic children on a municipal, provincial or national scale. The addition of this will ensure a holistic evaluation of the applicability of this proposed action plan.
Methods:
The listed sources of data are correctly characterized as primary and secondary sources. Obtaining data from both professionals and from general family members effectively accounts for varying perspectives. It also indicates that there is a recognition of how different types of interaction with autistic children i.e. (professional vs. personal) formulates different perspectives on this complex matter. The listed secondary sources are also appropriate choices for data sources based on the aforementioned leading research questions.
Qualifications:
The listed qualifications are relevant to the topic of interest and successfully characterize you as equipped to direct the proposed research.
Conclusion:
The conclusion is concisely written and appropriately revisits the main points of the proposal. While there is mention of maximizing funding for children with severe autism there was no reiteration of the proposed solution detailing how to make that possible.
Grammar and Word Choice:
As mentioned previously there are many instances in the proposal where there is either awkward phrasing, redundant word use or ineffective sentence structure. To ensure ease of understanding consider the flow, word choice and sentence structure employed in this proposal. Furthermore, refrain from using language that implies personal belief or opinions as it detracts from the validity and persuasibility of the research proposal.
Here are a few of the improvements that can be made:
- “The government believes that because school-aged children now have access…” change to “The rationale is that because school-aged children now have access…”.
- Change accounts for inappropriate word use and improves clarity.
- Second sentence in the “Statement of Problem” section is extremely long, consider breaking it up into smaller sentences or list the implications as bullet points. This would improve flow and readability.
- “Not only would this benefit child with more severe symptoms…” should be changed to “Not only would this benefit a child with more severe symptoms…”.
- Additionally, there is awkward sentence structure consider rephrasing.
- “What funding presently are available for children with autism…” changed to “What funding is presently available for children with autism…”
- “What amount of funding can the government bear?” changed to “What amount of funding can the government designate for autism specific care”.
- Change resolves awkward word choice and unclear meaning.
Concluding Statements:
Overall this research proposal offers a pragmatic solution to a compelling problem in a generally concise and purposeful manner. The main suggestions for improvement are listed below:
- Define the target for this report
- Consider limitations to the proposed solution as an area of inquiry
- Improve word choice to create a stronger and more persuasive voice
- Review and fix common grammatical errors
- Consider sentence structure to improve the flow
- Review document for redundancy to improve its conciseness
Enclosure: Formal Report Proposal – Brionne McWilliams
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