An example of a review for a Proposal

To: XXX XXX, English 301 Student Writer

From: XXX XXX, English 301 Student Reviewer

Date: June 12th, 2016

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal: Improving Volunteer Recruitment for the Minoru Residence

Thank you for submitting your proposal for determining the feasibility of increasing volunteer recruitment into the Rehabilitation Recreation Program at Minoru Residence. You have done an outstanding job in providing a good basis for increasing the amount of volunteers in order to help operate larger activities for the wellbeing of the seniors. Following are some suggestions for further improving this proposal:

First Impressions: 

A major strength to this proposal is how you tackle the void in volunteering, especially within the senior community. In particular, you did a great job in recognizing the niche within Minoru Residence and how this hinders the quality of life for some residents.

• One over all area of improvement would be to expand on the types of recreational activities and the forms of recreational therapy. Moreover,  elaborating more on the social factors such as the correlation between depression and lack of activities, will highlight the health risks involved.

Organization:

The proposal is well organized in a logical and systematic manner. All the headings are bolded and appropriately titled.

• Adding a visual of a certain activity which captures the joy of senior residents to highlight the importance of recreational activities.

 Introduction: 

The introduction clarifies the function of a senior residential care facility as well as the associated benefits. The introduction successfully outlines the problem and the proposal’s purpose (see more comments on this below).

• One suggestion is to provide descriptions of additional benefits of a senior residential care facility in order to outline the topic’s significance.
• Providing a citation at the end of the following sentence will improve credibility: “According to the Nova Scotia health authority, amongst many other health professionals, recreation therapy provides a number of benefits to people of all ages”.

Statement of Problem:

As mentioned above, it would help to expand on the social factors and the health risks involved with the lack of activities.

• Including a discussion on how social health factors are correlated with the connection to the community and how that affects the process of adapting to a new living environment (as mentioned in the introduction).

Proposed Solution:

This section clearly states how incorporating volunteers are a suitable solution to all the issues and problems addressed in the statement of problem. Including a strategic approach for an improved process for recruiting volunteers that is logical and will no doubt be effective. Great job!

Scope:

This assessment of determining the feasibility of recruiting volunteers is very suitable to its purpose and should yield relevant results for this investigation. Excellent job on outlining the five areas of inquiry!

Methods:

The plan for collecting primary (surveys) and secondary data sources (academic articles) are well-thought out, reasonable and within the time restraints of  the assignment and should fully inform the five areas of inquiry.

Grammar and Technical Errors:

Please refer to the following in regards to minor grammatical errors:

Introduction:

• Replace the comma with “and” after “According to the Nova Scotia health authority”
• Change “find” to “found” in the sentence “However, for the past few months, the recreation staff often…”; and get rid of the words “at times” in the same sentence

Statement of Problem:

• Replace “a” with “the” in the first sentence “With a decreased number of volunteers…”
• The word “include” should be past tensed to “included” in the second sentence
• Rephrase the first part of the third sentence to something like “Due to the absence of these activities,…”; it’s currently kind of awkward due to word choice “hindered”

My Qualifications:

• Add the word “required” after the word “proper interaction” in the third sentence
• “experience” should be plural in the fourth sentence

Overall, you have provided an impressive proposal for an important investigation that could help many seniors lead a happier life and also provide important volunteer opportunities.  I hope my suggestions help you during your revision process. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or further clarification. Great job.