Assignment 3.3: Peer Review of Jennifer Macfarlane’s Formal Report Draft

TO: Jennifer Macfarlane, ENGL 301 Student
FROM: Brent Hanover, ENGL 301 Student
SUBJECT: Peer Review: 301 Jennifer Macfarlane Formal Report Draft
DATE: March 17, 2019

Hi Jennifer,

I reviewed the first draft of your formal report on the lack of women’s hygiene items in the UBC computer science buildings – well done! I think this is an important issue that affects hundreds of students regularly. I do have some comments which I believe will strengthen the report.

First impression:

• The overall aesthetic of the report looks great. I like how there was considerable effort put into changing the text styles for each heading and sub-heading to allow for easy differentiation.
• There are large breaks after each graph with the responses for the graph on the next page. The data presented would be more readable if all of the details for each question asked were included on the same page.

Table of Contents:

• The table of contents is well formatted, has good readability, and is split into appropriate subcategories.
• Using Microsoft Word’s built in table of contents function automatically creates a table of contents and allows for easy addition or removal of content. Using this feature ensures that it will always be accurate. For example, an issue that would be fixed with the aforementioned function is how the appendices actually start on page 8 but are listed as starting on page 10.
• Editing the table of contents so the page numbers are correct will help the reader more easily navigate the report.

Introduction:

• The UBC acronym is explained after it has already been used. Having the explanation of the acronym on the first use of it will provide clarity to the reader.
• The top level overview of the research methods provides a good explanation without going into too many details, good work.
• Splitting paragraphs by having one line on one page and the rest on the next can make reading difficult. Consider reformatting the paragraph so the paragraph fits all on one page.

Collected Data:

• Great use of graphics, they clearly get the point across.
• Including the sample size and surveying methods will lend more credibility to the research methods
• Having the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ enlarged to take up more of the blank space could help the reader more quickly identify the results of the survey.
• A piece of data that seems to be missing is the status of female hygiene products in other buildings. Being able to directly compare the presence of products between faculty buildings will strengthen the argument.
• 10 questions were asked but only two infographics are shown. Consider adding the results for the remaining questions or including an explanation as to why they have been omitted.
• Exact transcriptions of the responses, including spelling and grammar errors, shows that the surveys were conducted to a range of students – good job!

Conclusion:

• The conclusion was incorrectly labeled II; it should be labeled III.
• Bullet points relay information quickly and easily but paragraph formatting would be more appropriate for a formal report.

Works Cited

• The works cited look good and are in the correct format.
• Including more sources will lend the report more credibility.

Student Survey

• All surveys should include an ethical introduction; consider adding one to clearly state the intentions to the students being interviewed.
• All of the “yes” answers to the survey support this report. Randomizing the answers will lend better credibility to the survey.

Grammar and Expression

• Acronyms (ICICS or STEM for example) are introduced without explaining what they stand for. Having an explanation of what they mean at their first introduction will improve readability.
• An inconsistent tone is sometimes present by mixing bullet points with paragraphs; try reformatting to have a consistent writing style.
• Having the header of the document in all capital letters can be distracting and doesn’t match the rest of the document. Consider reformatting it to match the rest of the report.

Thanks for reading my comments. You have a strong argument with excellent acquired data, and I am looking forward to reading the finished product. I have emailed you and included a word document attachment, and have included the link to the formal report draft below. Please let me know if you have any questions about my comments above by emailing me at brentemail@gmail.com

Assignment 3.2 – Formal Report Draft

Regards,

Brent Hanover