To: Navy Vo
From: Samuel Kobierski
Date: March 28, 2019
Subject: English 301 – Assignment 4:1 – Application Package Rough Draft – Peer Review
Dear Ms. Vo,
I have thoroughly reviewed your Application Package Rough Draft. I found your documents to be well presented, however, many grammatical errors exist that need to be addressed before submission of your final draft.
Job Advertisement:
As requested, you provided the job advertisement, cited in MLA style. The job advertisement has all of the important information that will help you prepare an appropriate cover letter.
Cover Letter:
Your introduction reads really well. It is great to see the tie between your opening sentence and your closing sentence. You appropriately mention the job you are applying for and show that you have researched the company’s work. You provide ties to your resume, which provides for a nice transition to your resume, giving the reader an idea of what your resume contains before reading it. Your conclusion is appropriate and includes your contact information.
Grammar:
Many grammatical mistakes appear in your Cover Letter, such as your Salutation, “To whom it may concerns” is typically written as, “To Whom It May Concern.” In the first paragraph, “…extremely dangerous on-going land subsidence that negatively impact thousands of lives.” “impact” should be plural, so it reads, “…extremely dangerous on-going land subsidence that negatively impacts thousands of lives.” Also, “…there has to be better, safer methods to mineral exploration.” “to” should be replaced with “of”, so it reads, “…there has to be better, safer methods of mineral exploration.” In the second paragraph, “…I had hands-on experience in developing historic and…” should include an “a” before historic, so it reads, “…I had hands-on experience in developing a historic and…” In the third paragraph, “traveling” should be spelt “travelling.”
Resume:
Your resume is well written, concise, and easy to read. I am happy to see that it is contained to a single page. You appropriately list your qualifications and organize your skills into their respective sections. You might consider removing your certifications from the LABORATORY SKILLS section and create a stand-alone section to highlight your certifications as the certifications you list are highly desired by employers.
Grammar:
A few grammatical errors exist. The first is under the GEOTECHNICAL SKILLS section, “…and determine cause of sinkhole activities…” should include a “the” before cause, so it reads …and determine the cause of sinkhole activities…” The next error is under LABORATORY SKILLS, “Prepared equipment and samples in laboratory for technological demonstrations.” should include a “the” before laboratory, so it reads “Prepared equipment and samples in the laboratory for technological demonstrations.”
Request Letters:
Your request letters are elegantly written and flow nicely. They are formatted correctly, making them easy to read from that perspective. You have included your signature which is a nice touch.
Grammar:
I noticed a few grammatical mistakes that should be corrected. In your letter to Peter, second paragraph, “I know end of March…” should include a “the” before March, so it reads, “I know the end of March…” In the third paragraph of the letter to Peter, “…industry while working on multiple projects under strict timeline.” should include an “a” before strict, so it reads, “…industry while working on multiple projects under a strict timeline.”
In your letter to Chrystal, second paragraph, “…I know end of March is…” should include a “the” before strict, so it reads, “…I know the end of March is…” In the third paragraph, “I was able to sharpen my researching and organizing skills, as well as receiving constructive feedback throughout the process.” “receiving” should be rewritten as “receive so the sentence reads, “I was able to sharpen my researching and organizing skills, as well as receive constructive feedback throughout the process.”
In your letter to Alan, second paragraph, “I know end of March…” should include a “the” before March, so it reads, “I know the end of March…” In the third paragraph of the letter to Alan, “…industry while working on multiple projects under strict timeline.” should include an “a” before strict, so it reads, “…industry while working on multiple projects under a strict timeline.”
Final Thoughts
Your application package is well written and only requires minor grammatical edits before you are able to submit your final draft. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns regarding my review of your Application Package Rough Draft.
Thanks,
Samuel Kobierski
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