it's better to say too much

I’m currently struggling through my wanderlust. It’s tough, and it’s gnawing. Every October I suffer from a case of hard core restlessness. I definitely thought that moving away from suburban Ontario to laid-back West coast life would have satisfied my need to keep moving, to have some kind of adventure in my life. I started new projects here at UBC, got involved on- and off-campus, and made a great family of friends in residence. But somehow, it still wasn’t – isn’t? – enough. I’m constantly looking for new challenges, new adventures and I can’t seem to keep my thoughts and my dreams from racing all over my brain.

It makes concentrating on everything that’s going on in my life really hard because I’m constantly daydreaming of the places I want to see, the people I want to meet and the stories I can’t wait to hear and to tell. I’m always planning because I always feel unbalanced or unrooted, incredibly dissatisfied and in need of change. This year isn’t even over, but I’m already thinking of the next.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not living my life, that somehow being in university isn’t living. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that I have to go through certain experiences to be ready or to even have time for the next one, that I am living because I’m participating in every moment of my life. I’m trying to learn how to stay grounded in this moment, but keep an eye and my heart on the future.

What I need to do right now is not allow this restlessness, this wanderlust to prevent me from actually accomplishing what needs to be done right now, for me to be able to do what I want next week, next month, next summer, even next year. So right now, I need to be a better student, a better daughter, sister, friend, residence advisor…A me that’s completely satisfied in the moment, but never completely satisfied with complacency or mediocrity. My 30 challenge? Do better, live better, eat better, dress better, be better.

Yesterday morning I woke up at 6:30am after only a few dismal hours of sleep, and walked my butt to the Student Rec Centre (SRC) for 7:15am. Why? For Day of the Longboat, of course. I made a team with my friends from first year residence (OK*anagan 2nd, whadddup?!, doesn’t our team name make sense now? ), and our team captain wanted us there at 7:15am. I showed up with my friend Lisa at 7:16am….I thought we were late. Little did we know that we were the only ones that had even left their houses yet. My friends at Gage? Still at Gage. My friends at Fraser Hall (see Wesbrook Mall)? Still at Fraser. We were supposed to catch the 7:30am shuttle. Did we? No. The fact that we made it to our 8:20am run at Jericho Beach is by shear luck, I swear.

After missing our shuttle, most of us were ready to pack it in, call it a day and get breakfast. Instead we head to get the number 4, get on the 14 instead and head to Alma. By absolute divine luck, I’m sure, we get the community shuttle en route to Spanish Banks and make it into Jericho Beach five minutes, yes five minutes, before our start time. We were supposed to be there 35 minutes before. We all dash through registration, grab our paddles and life jackets and book it. Alas, we made it. And totally dominated!

With a run time of 13:55, the team that was ready to call it a day back at the SRC, came in first in their heat. Boo yaaahh! I definitely slept for six hours after, even waking up at one point thinking it was Sunday and I had missed our semi final. Total panic for a while there.

Okanagan 2nd after our win on Saturday

And so today we headed back to secure our championship. You would think that after yesterday’s transportation fiasco, we would get our act together and all be there on time. I mean, it was only at 11:40am, almost three hours after our run yesterday. Did we? Nope, not at all. This time, half my team was so late that the other teams were already getting into their boats and we were rushing through registration and were frantically grabbing paddles and lifejackets. We came in second, and it was onto finals, the last stretch to claiming our championship shirts. Well…we kind of failed epically and came in last in the finals.

Although we were not successful in taking home a championship shirt to brag and show off to all our friends, our last race was probably the most hilarious, body-numbing, and the best time we had for the entire event. In the end, victory wasn’t ours. But there’s always next year!

Hope everyone had a successful (however you define it), Day of the Longboat 2011!

So where has Krystal been since her heartfelt, nerdy Harry Potter post? Well, I was working at a candy store, completing a summer course at York University, heading up to Muskoka for a couple of weekends and showing my wonderful family around Vancouver. Oh, and I also moved back to UBC, attended Residence Advisor training, participated in Imagine Day as a MUG leader and started classes, and, and, and…

Phew! Fall hasn’t even arrived yet, but change is definitely in the air. As always, another September and another school term means new living arrangements, class schedules and thing to be involved in and with on/off campus.

I am currently writing this from my room in Vanier, my snazzy new room as a Residence Advisor! Yes, ladies and gents, I’m back at good ol’ Place Vanier but this time, with way more responsibilities and some awesome cool friends. I’m beyond excited for the upcoming year and the possibilities it holds. I wish however, I could say I was more excited than nervous, but both emotions seem to be pretty balanced at the moment.

I’m excited to start something new, add new friends to my ever growing list of amazing people I’ve met at UBC in the past year, but at the same time, slightly worried (yes, I know, worrying is as affective as chewing bubblegum to solve an algebra equation (bonus points for whoever recognizes the reference)) about the relationships I made and solidified since last September. My closest friends from residence are all spread out over other residence areas this year: a few of us in Vanier, the rest in Fraser Hall, Gage and Marine Drive. I’m already feeling the withdrawal symptoms of not having my closest girlfriends just steps away and down the hall for me to hang out with. No more late night chats that ignored quiet hours, 20+ person dinners, candy parties in the hallway or just simply raiding each other’s wardrobes. Now I have to schedule time to make the trek out to Fraser and work around my in/out and duty nights here at Vanier. So much lies ahead…

And let’s not forget school! I’m super excited for all my classes, and not to brag really, but my class schedule kicks major ass. But then again, there comes that nervousness about course loads and time management. Will I be able to balance everything? Between advising, classes, extracurricular activities both on and off campus and all my friendships (both old and new), how will I keep my head from spinning right off into another orbit? Will I manage?  To be honest: I have no freaking clue! And for the first time, I’m really trying to be okay with that.

I’m trying something new this year. It’s pretty rad, and kind of top secret, so you’ll all have to be very hush-hush about it…*drumroll*… I’m focusing on me. Yes, that’s right, me. These next couple of years are some of the only times that I can be selfish (within reason) and not worry about it, or feel bad about it. I can do exactly what I want to do, what I’m passionate about, and frankly what I really have time for without feeling guilty about not doing the things that others are pushing me to do. So this year, I’m making time for what matters to me, and what matters to me only. That event that looks really cool, but I’m only really attending to say that I attended? Yeah, not happening. That awesome potluck that my friends are organizing that I can probably only bring popcorn and hot chocolate to because I have a meal plan and eat in a dining hall? Heck yes, sign me up.

I need to focus on my wellbeing: mentally, physically, academically and emotionally.

I’ll let you know how it all works out. I hope your move-in day and first floor meetings, first classes and first new friendships made have been beyond stellar.

The official countdown to the end of my childhood: 5 days.

My inevitable “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt 2” post. I know a lot has been said about HP, and I’m probably not adding anything new to the dialogue, but that doesn’t make my thoughts any less valid.

Watching the world premiere streaming from Trafalgar Square on Thursday, crying, (slightly hysterical, but that’s neither here nor there) reminded me of all that HP has given to my life. Whether it fueled my passion for reading, my compassion for others, or simply allowed me to view the things people do (out of fear, hate or love) with new eyes.

HP is and always will be the defining characteristic of my childhood, and I will never be ashamed of that, no matter how many people tell me to “stfu about HP already”. I am forever grateful that JK Rowling allowed me the honour of placing myself in Harry’s world and letting me feel the same magic he found so incredibly beautiful. Not matter what, through the last 13 years of my life, these 7 books and 8 movies, helped me to overcome a lot of teenage angst and heavy, excuse my language (except not really) shit. Whenever I felt that my world was falling apart, I was able to turn to the ever welcoming halls of Hogwarts and pretend to fit myself within the confines of Harry, Ron and Hermoine’s friendship. Without fail, her words, her world, helped put me back together, and teach me a few invaluable lessons along the way.

I learned to be courageous and stand tall and brave against injustices that are present in our Muggle world. I’ve been reminded time and time again to surround myself with the most beautiful, loyal and loving people I can find and to reject the preconceived notions others have about me. I’ve learned to analyze the motives and actions of those around me, even those that I find incomprehensible and irreparable, always giving them the same critical, yet compassionate gaze.

Ultimately, if I am able to be as motivated, clever and resourceful as Hermoine, loyal, playful and determined as Ron and brave, compassionate and passionate as Harry, I will be living a life exactly as the person I hope to be, and what I hope my possible (hello, I can’t see into the future! I’m as horrible at Divination as Professor Trelawney) children will be as well.

So whenever someone so ineptly points out how stupid, annoying and replaceable Harry Potter is, I kindly ignore them because they have obviously never felt the same magic I have at some point, somewhere else in their life. I sincerely hope they do.

As the year comes to an end, I can’t help but look back and reflect on my first year of university. The ups and downs (but mostly a crap ton of ups)…

I’ve been to countless second and third floor Okanagan dinners, celebrated plenty of birthdays in style and with a lot of love, been down to Wreck Beach (the stairs really aren’t that bad), went to the Student Leadership Conference, the Arts Career Expo, graduated from the Vice Presidents, Students Emerging Leaders Program, joined house council as a floor rep for second term, watched my beautiful friend Stephanie campaign her little butt off to win house president of Okanagan 2011/2012, I’ve been to Stanley Park, had countless hangouts with the Vancouver (Mob)ilizers (mad mob love for life), experienced the power of We Day, taken incredibly courses with amazing professors, went to Langley, and Washington, and oh yeah, made the best friends family in rez a girl could ask for.

OK 2nd and 3rd at Vanier Spring Formal

I was a little afraid that I wouldn’t use my time here to its fullest, taking in every moment. It is so easy to forget to actually live, to experience things that go against the norm, outside your comfort zone and take advantage of every opportunity you have to try something new or do something you love. I didn’t want to be afraid to live, and I still don’t. Despite whatever sadness I might have experienced this year, whatever stress or anger, frustration or annoyance, I wouldn’t change one damn thing. I feel changed, not a new person but definitely an improved version of myself. Krystal 2.0. This year was absolutely everything that I dreamed it would be, and so much more. I’m currently packing up my room, figuring out where to store my stuff, studying for exams, and hanging out as much as possible with my OK fam jam before I have to say my teary goodbyes as I leave to catch my flight back to Ontario. It’s all happening so fast, and a part of my wants to return to the comfort of my home, my beautiful sister and supportive parents, but I also want to hold on as tightly as possible because I know it’s going to suck being away for three and a half months. But no big, I’ll survive…with a lot of Skype dates, visits from my BC friends in T.O., and some old-fashioned letters. If I had any doubts in September about whether UBC was the right place for me, they’ve definitely gotten the hell outta Dodge.

Now, if you are a potential first year student, whether you have chosen to come to UBC or are still deciding, if you make the decision of where to go rationally and with a lot of heart, you’ll make the right decision. Don’t let someone talk you out of achieving whatever the heck it is you want to do. If I listened to every person and every voice in my head that doubted my decisions, I wouldn’t be here, chilling in my dorm room, getting ready for exams and having the time of my life. And if you’re feeling like your choices are like falling head first right off a cliff…wait for it, cheesy line coming up…you’ll be surprised at how often you learn to fly. Or at least land gracefully at the bottom.

Oh, and if you decide that UBC is indeed the place for you, I’ll see you at Imagine Day as one of your MUG Leaders, and at the VP Student Emerging Leaders Commencement as your Pod Leader. And if you have the opportunity to live in rez, take it, take it, take it! If you let it, it’ll redefine your first year experience. I cannot stress enough how much rez life has impacted me. Plus, if you’re at Place Vanier I just might be your residence advisor. Next year will be a crazy ride, so hang in until graduation, have a kick ass summer and see you (other than in blog form) in September!