I’m not sure if “family of origin” has been discussed broadly in Canada, or in Western World. It is one of the most hotly discussed topics in recent years in China. It focuses on Generation Z’s childhood experiences and their family components, usually relating to the shadows and sufferings of childhood. The most common sufferings are inequality in genders like boy preferences, alcoholic fathers, left behind children, and the strong desire to control their children.
Though Umami is not a book that mainly focuses on the family, I would like to say the family of origin impacted on characters a lot. In Ana’s section, we all know the tipping point in her family is Luz’s death. How the family treats the death is important for the formation of a world view, to another child. Ana is the other child. Unfortunately, her mother never seems to be able to get over the death of her little daughter. The “almost six” mentioned many times in the article states the pain of the whole family. In the third year of the “anniversary”, Anna’s mother still refused to step out of the house and still did not accept this fact. In opposite, her father cares for Ana more. On the way to the cemetery, he let out a low whimper. Clearly, all members of the family are lamentable, but how to express their feelings is more important because life needs to be continued. The difference in personality between Ana’s dad and mom invisibly formed her personality, an irritable, emotionally unstable little girl.
“But the name has an electric effect on her” A Sensitive person may fall into sadness again by a sentence, or a single word. Our family hasn’t experienced this in Ana’s family, but the feelings of a person can go up and down immediately like a rollercoaster. My mom is not a good driver, she had car accidents once or twice a year back in 2015-2018. Every time she was so mad at herself, but she still needed to show a good face to her director during work time. That’s why she was overwhelmed after work and tended to express her unpleasant feelings to her family members. Sometimes “careful” would be a forbidden word because it could be interpreted as “scold the locust while pointing at the mulberry”, it is Chinese slang (that says scolding another person but actually those words are said to you), though I was just warning her to be aware of hot plates in cooking, no other meanings. Later on, my mom found out my problem when speaking with my grandparents, sometimes I speak with them impatiently. And my mom knows that’s a “family problem”, we are used to showing a more polite attitude with strangers but lost courtesy at home. That is the influence of the family, a power you cannot ignore, a power that shapes your personality and ways of handling tasks.
Last week my mom called me and said she had her first car accident after 2021, but I could feel she’s more calm this time. Perhaps it is because this time she just hit the railing, not other cars. I said, “It is a great improvement, and you don’t need to quarrel with other people and insurance”. She replied to me happily and said “It sounds way much better than what your aunt said, she told me it is still my fault, cannot blame anyone else.” Well it is true, but we all like to hear more soft words. She was no longer as sensitive as before, and I was able to talk to her politely and comfort her properly, even though it was midnight on a Saturday in Vancouver and I was in a noisy restaurant with my friends.
Time will witness and heal everything.
Hi Damon,
Thank you so much for this thoughtful post and for sharing about your personal connection to Umami. It is so interesting to hear about your family dynamics and how you connect them to the reading. Something that is standing out to me as I read your post is the power of words, which I find is often overlooked when dealing with family members.
We see the power of words, and the guilt that comes when we think we said the wrong words at the wrong time, for example, through Anna and Luz’s mother fixation with the last words she said to Luz before she drowned. As I briefly shared in class, my grandfather–my only father figure and favorite person–recently passed away. I have not been able to stop thinking about the last conversation I had with him, or about how I did not really get to say goodbye to him. In this way, I empathize with Anna and Luz’s mom: losing a loved one and thinking that the last words you spoke to them were inadequate or wrong, or wishing that you could just say one last thing to them to make it right, is one of the saddest and most disturbing positions one can be in.
In the same way that we often don’t think about the power of words within our family dynamics and family of origin until it’s too late, your post is making me think about the positive impact of saying comforting words when they are needed the most. Your mom’s reaction to your kindness and undersstanding following her recent accident demonstrates this: she seemed hurt that her sister blamed her, whereas you comforted her and made her feel better about the situation. In this way, I am realizing that “family” represents Umami–sometimes too sweet, sometimes too salty, sometimes overlooked, but without it, life is not complete and loses much of its flavour.
I love the way you end your post. It makes me wonder about the lifes of Anna, Alf, Pina and Marina, and it makes me feel a bittersweet comfort to think about how time will heal these characters. Your post also makes me think back to an earlier discussion we had in our blog posts this term, where we touched on how food is a way for our families to represent and share love when words fail. Just as we see in Umami: food is a language, a language of love at times, a language of resistance at other times as we have seen through our course, and a language that allows us to process our most complex emotions.
Thank you for evoking all these thoughts, it has been wonderful to learn from you and alongside you this term. See you soon in class!
Yolanda (posted Dec 7 9:49 AM)