Category Archives: Involvement / Leadership

Volunteering for AMS Speakeasy

‘Speakeasy is like your boyfriend,’ a friend complained a few months ago. ‘Every time I want to hang out with you, you’re already doing something with Speakeasy.’

Aside from my objection that I do too(!) take care to spend regular time with friends even when I’m dating, the comparison isn’t so far off the truth. Ever since joining this AMS service in 2008, I’ve been spending more and more time every year doing whatever needs to be done to keep it running smoothly, simply because I love it so much. My friends are used to booking me at least three to four weeks in advance during the school year because I’m usually so busy with class, work and volunteering.

Before nattering on about my experiences, though, here’s a run-down of what Speakeasy is, for those of you who don’t know about it:

 

What is Speakeasy?

(AKA ‘Tell me about him/her!’)

AMS Speakeasy is a free, confidential, student-run peer support service for the UBC community. We provide a safe space in which students can come and discuss whatever is on their minds. Common topics include (but are not limited to): relationship concerns, academic stress, anxiety, depression, suicide, substance abuse, eating disorders, loneliness, and more. Our volunteers are trained to listen without judging and to help students work out what they need, working from the philosophy that every individual is the expert in his/her life. We provide resources and referrals to other organisations, many of them within UBC, as well as off-campus ones.

Most people know us unofficially as ‘that information desk on the north side of the SUB concourse’. During the school year, you can generally see volunteers staffing the desk from 9 to 5 on weekdays, giving directions, maps and general information to the many students, staff and tourists who come by.

Peer support is done on a drop-in basis, which means you will generally get the support you need when you ask for it. Once in a while, there will already be someone in the peer support room, in which case you can come back after an hour, but this doesn’t happen very often. To get a peer support session, all you need to do is approach one of our volunteers and say that you would like one. The room itself is tucked away in a corner to provide some privacy.

Our support sessions are offered on a one-time basis, as our volunteers are not trained or accredited to provide more than one session at a time. We can, however, offer referrals to organisations that do provide ongoing counselling if this is appropriate.

We no longer offer a crisis line (this was suspended in 2008). Our reception desk phone number is for general enquiries only; we cannot provide peer support over the phone.

 

Why I volunteer(ed) for Speakeasy

(AKA ‘Why do you like him/her?’)

As is abundantly clear by the length of this post, I can go on and on about Speakeasy once started. This is due in no small part to the community of amazing individuals we have each year, and everything I love about the service we provide.

1. First and foremost is being allowed to sit with someone and listen to their concerns.
It’s a privilege to be confided in, and to provide a measure of support. Although we get a few drop-ins each week, spaced out over 48 volunteers, that means as individual volunteers, we may only have a couple of drop-ins throughout the year. It’s quite uneven: a few unfortunately never have a drop-in, while others have a fair number. Each drop-in I have got has reaffirmed my belief in the importance of having a peer support service at all.

2. The skills and training I’ve received from Speakeasy has broadened my understanding of other people like nothing else.
I have learnt far more about being a good support person, about sexuality, mental health, depression and suicide prevention, than anywhere else — all of which I’ve needed in non-Speakeasy contexts. Ironically, I’ve given more support to the friends and acquaintances I know outside of Speakeasy than in an official peer support capacity; being here has taught me how to better be ‘there’ for the people I care about.

3. We get such a wonderful community every year.
Speakeasy was the first organisation at UBC in which I felt a real sense of community. It’s no surprise: everyone who joins is a caring, generous individual who genuinely wants to help their fellow students. If you want a warm and fuzzy feel-good place to be, this is one of the best candidates for that position. Many are the times I walked into the volunteer lounge intending to walk straight back out and ending up chatting animatedly for three hours (or more); I have met several good friends through Speakeasy and have loved the weekly bonding sessions with my shift partners over the years. Also, given the nature of what we do, it’s like having a ready-made support network when you need one!

4. I like answering questions at the desk.
Yes, that’s right: I actually like drawing places out on maps, telling people that the washrooms are down the hall on the left (then watching them go right), and trying to help someone who doesn’t speak English fluently. Part of this is because I remember how incredibly lost and foreign I felt when I first arrived in Vancouver (although I spoke perfectly good English), and I know exactly what it is to live in a place where you don’t speak the local language fluently (which was most of my life). Mostly, I like to smile and ask someone how I can help and wish them a good day. These are tiny things, but no matter what else I haven’t done in a day, it makes me feel good to know I did something for someone, however small.

So what’s up with the past tense in ‘volunteer(ed)’?

Well, having been together for three years (so to speak), and having moved from being a general volunteer to being a Team Leader for two of them, I’m happy to announce that Speakeasy and I have taken our relationship to the next level and I am now working as the Assistant Coordinator for the 2011/12 academic year. It’s all approved by the Co-op office, too, and I now have hope of finishing my co-op requirements. Hurrah!

(Actually, I started this job two months ago, but I didn’t feel like making it official back then. Ha.)

 

What does volunteering for Speakeasy entail?

(AKA ‘What do you guys do together?’)

Volunteer expectations vary year to year depending on the Coordinators of the service. This year, it’s going to be:

1. Desk shifts (2 hours every week)
The most visible part of being a Speakeasier, when you sit at the desk to answer questions, provide maps, directions and general information to everyone who comes by. This is the time in which you will do a drop-in peer support session, if anyone comes for one.

2. Team Leader (TL) meetings (1 hour every other week)
Ongoing, in-depth training in a smaller team of 7 or 8 (out of a total of 48 volunteers), headed by one of our volunteer Team Leaders, to continue practising your peer support skills and expanding your knowledge of how to handle and refer a range of issues.

3. Project meetings and project work (approximately 2.5 hours every week)
This is a slight variation on the way things were set up last year, but essentially, there will be two main divisions within the overall organisation:

  • External: Promotions, outreach & collaboration with other groups
  • Internal: Ongoing training materials, internal resources & internal social events

Once a month, there will be an hour meeting in which each division will meet to discuss, review and plan projects relevant to their portfolios. 3 Team Leaders (TLs) are assigned to each group. Once projects have been identified, it is up to volunteers and TLs to work out further meeting times to work on these projects.

(Past projects have included: booths in first-year residences, a Speakeasy Photo Booth, creating informational pamphlets on issues such as self-care, anxiety and depression, and our own twice-monthly social events.)

4. Training retreats (mandatory)
We have a major training retreat at the beginning of each term. On account of all the training volunteers need to receive in order to provide peer support, attending training in full is mandatory.

This year, our training will be:

  • September: Thursday 16th (UBC, 5-7 pm), Friday 17th (Gambier Island, whole day), Saturday 18th (Gambier Island, whole day), Sunday 19th (Gambier Island, until 4 pm), Saturday 24th (UBC, 9-6 pm)
  • January: TBA, most likely second weekend of term

We’re working on acquiring letters to excuse students from class on the Friday if you need it (sorry about that). On the other hand, we’re going to a really lovely camp on Gambier Island, and there will be free time to go kayaking, toast marshmallows and yes, do your homework if you are so inclined. But at least there will be time, which we haven’t been able to do in past years.

Note: As I write, the times for Saturday 24th September aren’t yet set in stone; we’re still working out the details of that day.

 

If you’re interested in volunteering for Speakeasy…

(AKA ‘If you’re interested in sharing the current love of my life… the more the merrier!’)

The 2011/12 Volunteer Application Guide and New Volunteer Application Form are currently available on our website. Round 1 application deadline is on August 19th and Round 2 is on September 8th (please read the Guide for details on the difference). Interviews are currently in progress and I am so keen on meeting our new volunteers — we’ve already hired and trained an excellent group of Team Leaders, and the year is promising to look very, very good.

If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment, email me at speakassist@ams.ubc.ca, or the Coordinator at speak@ams.ubc.ca. (I promise never to talk quite so much about this again!)

39. Donate my hair

Last Thursday night, a brave friend and her kitchen scissors sawed off the vast majority of my hair:

It looks a bit like the tail end of some poor, dead animal, doesn’t it? For reference, most of that hair ranges from 8 to 11 inches long. It’s layered, so a few bits don’t qualify, but we cut it off in one go rather than worry about measuring each strand.

And I got a proper trim at the hairdresser’s the next day, much to my friend’s relief. So I am now sporting a much shorter haircut, and the hair was mailed off today to Eva & Co. Wigs, the company recommended by UBC’s Cuts for Cancer.

Eva & Co. Wigs makes and donates wigs to the Canadian Cancer Society, and accepts ponytails of at least 8 inches in length (including the shortest hair in a layered ponytail). For more information on donating to Eva & Co. Wigs, visit their website, or check out the Canadian Cancer Society for information on donating to other organisations throughout the country.

Their mailing address is:

Hair Donation Program
107-950 Broadway St W
Vancouver BC  V5Z 1K7 

(Yes, the address listed here is formatted a little differently to the one on their website because if there’s anything I learned in my various customer service/administrative jobs is how to address an envelope properly according to Canada Post regulations. I’ve become extremely anal pedantic since then, i.e. please note that there are no commas or full stops unless part of the address name, the postal code does appear on the same line as city and province, and that there are two spaces between the province and the postal code.)

(This was obviously a far too important aspect of my life at one time.)

Some random facts I’ve learned in the process of growing out and donating my hair:

  • It takes between 8 to 12 ponytails to make a single wig. Each ponytail is worth between US$100-200.
  • Hair donation programs have different requirements for their ponytails, so look carefully! Some accept dyed hair, while others don’t. Lengths also vary, though the bare minimum seems to be 8 inches.
  • Long hair gets split ends easily. It took me more months than I expected to grow my hair out, because I had to get it trimmed every few months to get rid of those persnickety ends.
  • It cost approximately CA$10 to mail my hair, including purchasing a sufficiently large envelope.
  • Short hair is prickly to sleep on.

On a more personal note, this is one of those things I am particularly glad to cross off my Day Zero list, not just to say ‘I did it!’, but because quite a few people in my circles of caring have been diagnosed with cancer in the last two months alone. Donating my hair doesn’t change the lives of anyone I know, but I suppose it’s my gesture of changing something small for someone somewhere, in the face of otherwise helplessness.

The good news is, everyone I know is dealing with their diagnoses, and currently there’s nothing to do but wait and keep an eye on things.

Much love to my beautiful friends and relatives. Your courage and positivity are an inspiration to everyone around you.

98. Sign up to donate organs

I have to say, it’s a bit anti-climatic to spend years thinking about donating your organs and spending only two and a half minutes actually signing up to do so. A couple of clicks and filling in one online form available on the BC Transplant Society website later, I am, to all intents and purposes, an organ donor!

(Well, as soon as they send me my confirmation email and I verify myself on the registry, anyway.)

So for those of you who’d like to donate, but think you need lots of time to sit down and fill it all in correctly — you really don’t. Just three minutes, including time spent getting your CareCard ready.

BC Transplant Society art campaign

Live Life. Pass It On. (From BC Transplant Society. Credit: Eva Markvoort and Cyrus McEarchern.)

I decided to donate my organs a few years ago, but put off signing up until I had a conversation with my parents about my intentions. Because, although it’s not legally required to get consent from your next of kin, I thought my family had the right to have this discussion. Would it potentially upset them? Given that my family is everything from agnostic to atheist to pragmatic believers, but not practitioners, in some, but not all, traditional Chinese beliefs, throw in a healthy amount of Buddhist philosophy, a diluted dose of Christianity, and a minuscule smidgeon of Jewish heritage that no one (except myself) actually seems to pay any attention to — I had absolutely no idea how they would react to this particular announcement.

They weren’t at all upset.

It turns out, when I visited them this time around and asked, that my mother is adamantly against my donating blood and totally cool with donating organs. Her philosophy is that one might make me dead and the other, I already am so it doesn’t matter. Which is not really the kind of catchy phrase that one gleans from either Blood Services or the Transplant Society’s campaigns; I think, perhaps, that she might be thinking of the increase in AIDS in China in the 1990s when there was a sharp increase in HIV-positive cases due to infection through blood donation (or blood selling, as it really was at that time). Or perhaps she’s remembering the number of times I’ve suffered from low blood sugar in the last several years and how she doesn’t want me fainting on her hands again. Either way, we didn’t bother talking much about donating blood since I’m not eligible to do that anyhow.

Speaking of blood donations, did you know that if you can’t donate blood for transfusions, you might be able to donate to research instead? That’s for all you travellers who’ve been to malaria-infested places and the like. How exciting! (Can we tell that I want to donate blood, too? Maybe in another several years.)

Knock, knock

I know who’s there; I’ve looked through the peephole. But I don’t open the door, because I’m busy with exams and papers, and they should know that. They can hear me rattling away in here, with the occasional wail of ‘I’m so tired!’ At times like that, they leave me in peace — but they don’t go, oh no. They’re sitting right there on the doorstep of my mind, waiting for moments like these when it’s temporarily quiet within, and then the knocking begins again.

It’s not that I don’t want to let these thoughts in — I do. I want to give each and every one of them the time and attention they deserve, as a proper hostess should, but I’m afraid I haven’t got enough to spare, not for all of them at once.

I’m afraid opening the door a crack will let the whole lot in, and that’ll be the end of my GPA as I know it.

(I’d really like to know when I started caring about my GPA so much. It’s not as if it reciprocates.)

But my visitors are accumulating and I think I should let one of them in. Just one, for now. Maybe if they know that each of them will enter in time, they won’t try to ram the door?

My first guest brings with her a smile and a memory that has me smiling away, too, at least at first:

About a month ago, I was sitting in one of my classes just loving the lecture that was happening before me. I was so very pleased with myself for taking this class to begin with; it was exactly what I’ve wanted for four years.

For four years. Isn’t that a long time to wait? something whispered inside me.

And that quickly, I couldn’t let go of the thought: I could have spent the last four years doing the things I really care about.

Let me throw in a couple of caveats here to explain what I mean: my life is not one long story of doing things I don’t care about. As a general rule, my UBC experiences and my degree are in areas I love. There are plenty of things I wouldn’t change, and I think one day I’ll have to write it all out, to explain the other side of the story, of why I did what I did.

But this side of the story is the one that says why I didn’t do the things I care about. This isn’t a matter of ‘I wish I’d found this sooner’, which depends on luck, but a matter of not doing the things I knew I cared about all along. Oh, I had my reasons. We all have our reasons. Sometimes these are legitimate, like financial, y’know. When we get right down to it, though, mine were all to do with fear: with being too afraid of potential failure to dare to try.

What did I really have to lose, though? Watching my dreams crash and burn, I suppose. No one voluntarily signs up for that. Except I have now lost four years’ worth of time I could have spent working hard at what I like doing, at building up my own skills, at really changing and improving and shaping myself to be what I wanted to be. And while just trying your best doesn’t always mean that things work out, I’m now feeling the edge of the cliche (or rather, its absence), of being able to say, ‘At least I tried.’

This kind of miserable thought triggers other miserable ones, such as thinking of all the things I haven’t done in the past few years that I was so intent upon in my first eager, hopeful year:

  • I haven’t written or painted or played the piano nearly as much as I wanted to — heck, I haven’t touched a paintbrush in almost six years, even though this was one of the things that made me deeply happy once upon a time.
  • I haven’t explored Vancouver nearly as much as I wanted to, despite my best intentions.
  • I haven’t gone dancing.
  • I haven’t gone to poetry slams at Cafe Deux Soleils.
  • I’ve yet to make a trip to the UBC Farmers’ Market in the summer.
  • I haven’t walked along the beach, haven’t gone biking frequently, haven’t gone swimming, haven’t sat and read on Granville Island, just listening to the music, all summer long.
  • I haven’t read all the books accumulating on my shelves.
  • I haven’t become an amazing cook or baker; I still don’t know how to make my mother’s dumplings.
  • I haven’t been brave, haven’t taken risks or pushed myself out of my comfort zone nearly enough times to even register on my mental radar.
  • I haven’t become the person that I wanted to be by the time I’m 21. I’m not even 21 anymore.

This isn’t generally an exercise I encourage anyone to do, by the way. It makes you sad. But I really wish I had thought a little more about what I wanted to achieve while I was in university before I got here — not a detailed list to follow stubbornly, because that doesn’t allow for the change that inevitably happens, but some general articulation of what I would like.

I’ve thought about making this list for the time I hit my next milestone age of 30, but that’s a whole lot trickier… How do I plan things that I want, like a family and a career, when one is not entirely within my control and I don’t even know what I want the other to look like?

The older I get, the younger and less sure of myself I feel. All the clear-cut plans I had in first year have dissipated and I’m now evasive when asked what I want to do. I don’t know what I want to do.

I wonder what the future holds for me. It's terrifying, honestly.

Or how. How will I combine and/or balance what I want with what I need? How do I pay my rent and feed myself and buy some new clothes to replace the ones I’m always mending now, and still be happy doing what I do? Aren’t these the questions facing most graduates, anyway?

I still want to do that list of things I haven’t done, to feel a little less bad about myself a year from now, when I’ll be graduating and there really won’t be another chance to change my Vancouver story.

I also want to not be thirty years old and looking back at the last decade of my life, wishing I’d taken the risk to do the things I care about, after all.

How I manage my time

Usually, I’m the type of person who can remember all the tasks she has to do by when without having to write them down. I have a list of homework and when they are due in my weekly planner which I refer to once in a while, just in case, but it’s usually not necessary.

Lately, however, this ever-growing to do list has got to the point where I can’t process it all anymore, and I’ve started to plan my weeks out using a weekly planner template taken from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Sean Covey, and put together by Ammon, the owner of the blog I originally found the PDF on.

7 Habits Weekly Planner image

Those of you who’ve read The 7 Habits will be familiar with this layout, but in case you aren’t, here is how I use it:

 
1. Identify your roles in life

Typical roles include one’s role as a spouse, parent, student, worker, etc. My roles are those of a daughter, sister, friend, student, employee, and Speakeasy team leader. Depending on the week, I fill out these roles a little differently: this week, for example, each of my classes gets its own arrow, I am a team leader, and I have an arrow for myself.

I like to colour code each of my roles to make it easier to see across the page, as well.

 
2. Identify the weekly goals you want to achieve for each role

Break down what you want to achieve in each aspect or role of your life. For example, this week my chart looks like this:

Myself: piano, art, blog, write, EndNotes conference (?)

CRWR: get notes for missed classes, study for quiz

Thesis: reread forage, analyse 1-2 poems, update supervisor, email second reader

FNLG: write script, translate script, memorise

FNSP: readings, journal entry, research paper sources

TL: get materials for year-end event, do budget before April 5

When I’m done with my list, I like to number each of them off to make it easier for the next step.

 
3. Fill out each of these goals across the week for when you want to do them

Decide when you need to do each of these goals. I like to put these in both ‘Today’s Priorities’ and at the exact time I want to do them, if possible, e.g. my priority tomorrow is to complete my journal entry for my FNSP class and I want to do that at 4 pm, after I finish work and pick up some materials for the year-end event.

I also fill out other things across my ‘Appointments/Commitments’ timetable that aren’t necessarily in my goals list in terms of my different roles, but which I need or want to do for one reason or another, such as laundry, groceries, cleaning the bathroom, etc.

The evening/notes section is usually full of reminders to myself of things I need to do at some point, e.g. pick up newspaper to clean bathroom mirror.

 
What’s this ‘Sharpen the Saw’ business?

Sharpen the Saw is a reference to Habit 7 of The 7 Habits (which I do recommend reading for its many useful and important ideas, not least on time management and interpersonal communication), which is about taking the time to maintain one’s physical, mental, spiritual and social/emotional well-being in order to be at your best.

To be honest, I’m not filling this section out at all at the moment. A need to engage in more self-care? Probably, but I am also at my limit this week in terms of what I can do for myself while completing everything else I have to do… so while it’s not ideal, self-care is taking a bit of a backseat again this week. But it’s okay, I tell myself, just one more week of pulling through and I’ll be able to breathe a little more next Sunday.

Just a little more.

 
In terms of how well this works for me

I’ll be honest, I didn’t finish everything I wrote down for last week, and there were days when I didn’t do what I needed to do and had to catch up other days in other ways (read: less sleep). But I did manage to complete three quarters of what I originally set out, which is more than I would probably have achieved had I not written it all out. So that’s something.

My biggest problem with this method is that I end up feeling very stressed at the beginning of each week as I look in despair at the schedule I’ve made for myself and calming down as I slog through the days — which may not be so much an issue with time management as it is with my stress management.

Regardless, I’d like to hear how other people manage their time, should there be something better suited to me floating around out there.

And now I am off to lose more sleep. It is sad when you can’t even catch up on sleep over the weekend.

On an unrelated note, I’m reading Mary Oliver’s ‘Wild Geese’ over and over again. It’s my mental breathing space.