What I Learned This Week

Faculty-bashing. What is up with that?

The stereotypes we’ve all heard: Arts is a useless degree. Commerce students are all stuck-up and pretentious. Engineers can’t write to save their lives. I won’t go on. This strange, knee-jerk need to associate ‘different’ with ‘dumb’.

Even though difference is how someone makes the music that someone else enjoys while spending long hours in the office at night, designing a building that someone else is going to construct for someone else to dispense the medication that someone else prescribed thanks to the education they got from someone else who cared enough to share — do you see what I’m saying yet? There is value in what each of us does; measuring the lack of value of what I do by the value of what you do misses the point completely.

Not to mention that we all know individuals who regularly defy these artificial categories we try to box them in: Arts kids who like maths (le gasp), Science kids who express themselves artistically, Commerce kids who have souls (no, really).

To be fair, most people I know don’t throw these stereotypes around. But every once in a while, I’ll meet someone new who will say, ‘So, what are you majoring in?’ and when I tell them, they give me that look which says, ‘Why on earth would you want to do that? You foolish person destined for destitution and failure.’ Which in turn quickly wraps up our very short acquaintance.

Something’s not right about that.

Something else that isn’t right: I just realised that despite my whinging, I rarely ask someone else what they’re learning — really ask. Granted, when chatting with friends, most of us don’t want to talk seriously about school out of class time, but I am still mildly horrified at how I’ve been bumbling along for the last four years without taking the opportunity to discover a wealth of learning in the form of my peers. All of us are busy getting an education and I don’t know what other people’s educations mean.

So I really want to know: What is one of the most interesting things you learned this past week? Why do you find it interesting and/or important?

One of the things that has been bugging me over the last few months is my growing realisation that while I take First Nations Studies classes that unpack all kinds of issues that indigenous peoples face, and while I feel immensely angry and frustrated while in class or doing my readings, at the end of the day, I can leave the classroom and these problems behind me, and an indigenous person can’t. What is academic fodder for me is someone else’s lived reality.

This raises deeply problematic questions for me, such as, What does it mean, then, to stand in solidarity with someone else if I can walk away? What are the ethics of me learning ‘about’ other people through an academic institution? What do I do with what I’ve learned instead of simply compartmentalising it as learning that I don’t do anything else with?

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, though they are what I think about.

(I want to talk about my First Nations classes all the time, but this, too, is problematic for me, because the more I learn, the more I feel the weight of my ignorance, which fuels my anxiety of misrepresenting something incredibly important. There is so much background knowledge to explain, I don’t know how to do it, and then there’s also the question of whether I should be the one talking about it to begin with, and whether this is the appropriate avenue. See: questions raised above.)

On another note, What I Learned in Class Today is a project I discovered last year that discusses the difficulty of talking about aboriginal issues in UBC classrooms. The video is twenty minutes long, but well worth the time, I think.

Things I Love Thursday

Spring is in the air and I am just so happy to write my first TILT of the new (for me) year! The gorgeous sunshine and brilliant skies we’ve been having over the last couple of days help, too.

And because I’ll only ever do this once a year, a list of all the lovely birthday goodies giving me joy over the past week:

Prime rib at The Keg; frizzled onions; a handmade, personalised apron; half a dozen cupcakes from Big City Cupcakes; dinner at Shota Sushi; handmade birthday cards!!; Cuban candy; pretty packaging; a lovely woven bookmark from Yunnan that also helps support local women; a gift certificate to Dress911 that stocks dresses I have heretofore only coveted; my free shampoo/shower gel/bubble bath gift from Sephora; gelato from Bella Gelateria; peaches!; a 40% off coupon to Michael’s; donations to DNDi; and cards and surprise packages in the mail!

Thank you!

And on a slightly less self-absorbed and less materialistic note, other joy-inducing things include:

♥ green buds on tree branches that you just know are going to unfold themselves into fresh shoots over the next few weeks;

♥ the shy young cherry blossoms just coming out all across the city;

♥ the truly beautiful Clouds 365 Project which captures cloud shots every day;

♥ blowing bubbles (for the first time in over a decade — clearly I need to invest in bubble solution) with Friend Bernice yesterday lunch break;

♥ discovering the NYC-based online bakery Baking for Good which donates 15% of every sale to a cause of the customer’s choosing, a concept that takes after my heart;

♥ Delta Goodrem’s ‘Brave Face’, a song almost always guaranteed to make me happy;

♥ and last, but by no means least, the support and care of my various mentors and supervisors who are nothing but kindness and understanding.

Have a fabulous weekend, my friends. (Especially if you’re doing UBC Lip Dub!)

Birthday Thanks

Thanks go out to the long list of wonderful people who took time out of their busy schedules to put ‘happy’ into ‘birthday’ — you turned a lousy, insomnia-ridden start to my day into an upward trajectory that’s continuing even today.

I’ve already thanked most of you personally for showering me with love, food and candy, but some special shout-outs include:

♥ Jie, for calling me two days before my birthday to say, ‘I can’t wait until you’re as old as I am. Oh, yes, and I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday’ — mission accomplished;

♥ my Twin in Hong Kong who chatted with me on the phone until two minutes after midnight, when she said, ‘Is it your birthday yet?’;

♥ the girls who hunt me down during my lunch break despite their own busyness;

♥ all my lovely ladies who joined me in my ramen-quest in the afternoon, and for gelato;

♥ my friend who serenaded me on YouTube;

♥ my friends who put together a surprise package which I almost didn’t find because I am inconsistent about checking my mailbox like that, and for making a substantial donation to the Drugs for Neglected Diseases initiative for my sake.

Thank you to everyone who wrote me messages, emailed, texted, called and looked me up in person to let me know you care. I feel tremendously loved and can’t stop patting myself on the back for my talent of finding and befriending wonderful human beings like you.

All my love, as always.

P.S. I can’t accept any more sugar for the next four weeks. I am seriously afraid of developing Type II diabetes, no joke.

Comments off while I continue catching up.

Why I write Things I Love Thursdays

A few days after graduating from secondary school and at the beginning of my blissful summer-to-come, I was woken up by the shrill ring of the telephone.

Who was calling at 6 am on a weekday?

‘Meimei,’ my mother began, my family’s name for me, ‘little sister’, shaking me out of my half-sleeping state, ‘something’s happened to your father.’

In those few moments before she went on, there was only freezing and the dread need to know: Is he still alive?

My father had a stroke while on a business trip to China. My mother, also in China for different reasons, travelled overnight to find him. I went up to Tianjin with one of her employees just over twelve hours after she called me. My brother flew back from Vancouver a few days later.

For days, we waited to see if he would pull through safely. We lived on the edge of a world threatening to fall apart in one failed breath. We made plans for the worst and waited to find out if we could even hope for the best. Not being religious, there was no one to ask anything from — just life, that gives what it gives.

We laughed a lot in those days. I don’t really remember what over — probably anything and everything that could relieve the pressure, for a while. A pig-shaped sponge I delighted in doing the dishes with. How much my cousin could eat. The soap operatic qualities of life, when my mother ended up on an IV in hospital a couple of days after my dad, from the toll of the whole situation on her already weak health.

No, I suppose the last one wasn’t that funny, but it wasn’t too serious and we were living by the old adage, ‘Laugh, or you’ll cry.’

Luckily for us, everyone pulled through better than I’d dared to imagine. My father eventually made a 99% recovery. I moved away from home to come here. And we’re all well enough for me to now regularly lecture both of my parents on the importance of taking care of their health whenever they seem to disregard it (which is often) — most recently regaling my dad last week with accounts of a friend’s father who’s had a second stroke and the consequences of that; he swears he’s been exercising more since then.

Life hasn’t stopped happening. I could spend my days, like the girl next to me on the bus yesterday, counting the ways it makes me unhappy — the fruit fly infestation we had a couple of weeks ago, the loss of my UBC library photocopy card with more than $10 on it, the assortment of health issues I’m accumulating this term — or I can write about the things I am glad for:

  • my friends who are willing to listen and support me even when I am not at my best,
  • the continued safety of my friends’ families in Japan,
  • the kindness of a girl in my class who mistook me for being Japanese and asked me if my family was okay,
  • my daily gratitude that I can still say, for now, that yes, they are.

Contrary to popular ignorant belief, I don’t search for the silver lining in the clouds because I’m

a) naturally sunny,

b) faking more optimism than I genuinely feel, or

c) in denial about the reality of life.

I have sat with too many people who have lost loved ones, who have been hurt and broken to the bone, who have wanted, or tried, to die because they couldn’t see a way out, to not be aware of how hard life can be.

Focusing on joy is not being unrealistic: being in denial about the kinder bits of life is just as unrealistic as being in denial about the harsher ones, when all of these exist. It won’t stop you grieving; it won’t stop you dealing with your problems.

But I still do it, to feed my beliefs that life is a beautiful mess of heartbreak and happiness that can still be worth it, and that I have a choice in giving myself enough chance at happiness to tide myself over for the times when it is anything but.

I haven’t been blogging lately because I’m worn out, physically, mentally and emotionally, but I’m trying to piece things back together. Comments on posts may be turned off sporadically until then, in an effort to catch up on reading them, something I am also very much behind in. It’s entirely personal.

In the meantime, please participate in the fundraising efforts going all around campus and throughout the local, national and international communities for Japan. It can be something as simple as dropping your spare change in the Japan Association’s donation box in the SUB — the reason ‘every little bit helps’ exists as a cliche is because it’s true.

Thank you, and have a lovely weekend.

Climbing trees

I’m home this weekend to visit my brother and there’s a tree in the front yard that I’ve passed countless times in the last few years with never a thought to climb it.

Until this evening, that is, when the world is being draped in white, and the orange glow of the lamplight is shining steadily against a deeper and duskier night than the ones I know, and it’s easy to see your surroundings with new eyes.

Also, the snow is too powdery to make a snowman, so I had to think of something else to do.

And isn’t that how it is? A restless urge, when something changes, to change as well, to do something different, to be someone else, somehow, for a while. To forge ahead, even when you don’t know what that’s going to look like, or even how you’re going to do ‘different’.

So you latch onto one of the ideas that you already have, one that’s been floating around in the back of your mind and perhaps doesn’t appear significant, or reasonable, or the answer to everything, but you take it up and run with it because really, that’s all you’ve got to go on right now.

And not having many ideas for what I can do when the world is snowing except make snow angels (check), snowmen (uncheckable) and have snowball fights (attempted check), I looked about me and realised there was a tree with no leaves in winter (very good) and very low branches (very good) that would make it possible to climb it.

If I wanted to.

I’ve never climbed a tree before. I have it on my list of things to do (Plus More), but I’ve been nervous about this prospect for a while. I tried, unsuccessfully, to climb a tree in our Hong Kong garden at the height of Christmas heat two years back, but my trainers just kept slipping and slipping on the bark. And then another year I acquired pinkeye, possibly from tree-hugging, which made me apprehensive about rubbing my face against bark again any time soon. There’s an apple tree in the backyard that I’ve been eyeing for a long time and sussing for its potential as a tree to climb, but I put it off. Not now, it’s summer. Not now, I’m busy with school. Not now, it’s just not now.

But it’s snowing and I couldn’t make a snowman and I wanted to climb this tree in the front yard instead.

So I clambered up to the first branching out at the trunk. I stood, perfectly still, realising, I’m on a tree! And stepped up to the next branch, and the next.

Leaning against snow-covered branches, I looked around me and delighted in my perch. The world was a little different from where I sat, but not by much.

It was almost disappointing.

But even though it wasn’t as exhilarating or life-changing as I’d hoped, I was sitting where I’d never imagined I’d sit, and that was something. I’d done something I secretly thought was never going to happen for me, and even though this wasn’t what I expected — it is a very low tree — sometimes, it really is that easy.

To my friends who don’t know what the future holds and are afraid: None of us know what the future holds, even when we make plans and think we do. Making the right choice isn’t about making a single decision that will result in a perfect outcome, but in making the best decision that you can at this moment in time, with what little that you know now. If you should learn more and think you need to change, then that will be the best decision you can make then. It’s a process, not a one-shot conclusion. Sometimes you’ve just got to pick something and run with it; it probably won’t end up the way you imagine it will, but you’ll get something out of it anyway. Promise.

Lastly, to my friend whose boyfriend made her read my blog while dining at The Keg: This post really isn’t related to any of the things we’ve been discussing together lately, but I hope you enjoyed some of the other things around here I’ve been pointing out, like the playable Angry Birds cake.

Also, this is one of my favourite pictures:

Rawr! It means 'I Love You' in Dinosaur!

Rawr!

(And to her boyfriend — thanks!)