Group photo with a Cathedral backdrop!
Before travelling or going on exchange, most people will talk about all of the things they want to see, all of the places they want to go, all of the things they want to do. Most people will tell you a city is gorgeous, the museums are beautiful, or the churches are historic. One thing that is often forgotten amid the vast array of things that can be captured by a quick picture are the people that live in that city. The people you meet are the ones so often overlooked in favour of the sights you see. So I think it’s fitting to use this post to talk about the people that are making my exchange so great.
Let me tell you about a girl I’ve met who lives just four blocks away from me in Canada and has dozens of mutual friends with me. Or maybe you’d rather hear about the guy who knew, before even coming to University, that he wants to join the army when he leaves. Maybe the military isn’t your thing, maybe you’d rather hear about the girl who came from California and brought her own granola (in mason jars, even). Or maybe you’d like to hear about a guy with actual lived experiences who was in a successful indie band for 6 years while living in Germany. There’s a porter who has worked here for 30 years and before that worked in the military. I have a professor who has tested some of the only split-brained people still alive and another who has played an active role in European Union debates.
One of my favourite things to say is that I’ve never met a boring person. It isn’t some grandiose claim about how I socialize with only the elites or some profound statement about the human condition. It’s just a fact. Every person has a unique story, unique perspectives, and unique ideas. Nothing is more exciting and unpredictable than getting to know someone new. I think it’s something a lot of people forget and that’s a real shame. People spend hours studying buildings, art, and artifacts while forgetting to take the time to enjoy the company of the people around them.
For me, enjoying the people around me has been an important part of my exchange so far. Learning from others, talking to others, experiencing others. It’s part of what makes this experience so magical. When I visit other cities, I relish the little interactions with people who have lived there their entire lives. Asking a bartender or waiter what they would recommend, talking to the person selling me my museum ticket and asking them a little bit about themselves – it all adds to the experience.
For the first week I was in Durham I actively made an effort to talk to new people. I told myself that I shouldn’t be afraid to ask a stranger why they were dressed in all green (as it turns out, they were dressed as a toy soldier). Then, quickly, I didn’t need to make such an active effort. It had become habit. Maybe it’s something about being in the North of England or maybe it’s because I’m on exchange but I’ve found it easy to embrace the idea that a stranger is just a friend I haven’t met yet and I couldn’t be having a better time because of it.
A few little stories really show what I mean. In fresher’s week (the first week of term), I was at one of the events that were organized for us and I walked up to a guy (who I did not know in the slightest) and declared that he was my new best friend. Later that night I chundered over the edge of a boat as he stood next to me. Of course, I don’t remember any of this but he recently assured me it all happened while we ate lunch together. You see, he really did become one of my close friends. Were I staying in Durham for another year, he would probably have become my housemate.
Another night, later in term, as I was leaving my College to go to a local bar I realized I didn’t want to bring my coat with me so hurriedly returned to my room to drop it off. By the time I left again, I had lost track of my friends but assumed I would find them when I got to the bar. Upon arriving however, I couldn’t find them anywhere – they had vanished. A girl dressed in a weird outfit asked me if I was ok, as I clearly looked confused at the time. I told her my friends had ditched me, upon which she invited me to join her sports team on their ‘Mean Girls’ themed social. It was the women’s lacrosse team, none of who I really knew. I figured why not – if my friends were going to ditch me, I’d hang out with my new cool friends. We spent probably an hour at that bar, in which time I probably met 10-15 of the team members and had a blast!
Finally, one day I realized I had been tagged in a Facebook photo with a girl I had never met – we had mutual friends who I guess were taking a picture of one of us when the other decided they wanted to be in it too. I didn’t think much of it until about a month later when I met the girl at our College bar after a Thanksgiving themed formal dinner. We hit it off before realizing we had been tagged in that photo together, a fact that gave us a good laugh.
The moral of these stories are really that you never know when you’re going to meet your new best friend. Maybe it’s the girl you introduced yourself to just because she was Canadian and who turns out to live mere blocks from you in Canada. Maybe it’s the guy who you heard was also called Mackenzie and so felt obligated to meet. Maybe it’s the British guy who spends every Christmas in Whistler and you plan on skiing with while back home. Meeting new people is an adventure – don’t let the fact that you don’t know their name hold you back. Introduce yourself! A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet and I’ve never met a boring person.