Hello…. Usually when writing my blogs I go back and look at my notes from while I was reading. This time… I see there is a LOT of anger. Which is actually pretty normal for me, but wow. So this blog is basically a running list of all the times Quimet pissed me off. plus a few extra thoughts…
First of all: I did not like this man from the start. SWEATY? AND STINKY and pushy, does not take rejection, immediately starts calling her Colometa (PIGEON GIRL??). The way he just decides they’re getting married after basically five seconds is already a RED FLAG. And Natalia girl…… If you are already running from a man the first night after meeting him… you need to keep running…
What really pissed me off is how early the control starts. He shows up late and doesn’t apologize, and she immediately assumes it’s her fault (“maybe I hadn’t heard him right…”). That moment on page 20 hurt because you can literally see her shrinking herself in real time. Then the neck grabbing (p.25)? The pinching (p.27)???? The constant jealousy over her boss?? It just escalates and escalates. He is CRAZY and ABUSIVE.
And the Maria thing… oh my god. The way he keeps bringing up this mysterious Maria had me SO suspicious. It really reads like psychological manipulation… keeping Natalia insecure so she’s always trying to prove herself. When we later find out he probably never even knew a Maria (p.121), I was like… yeah. Exactly. Control tactic. #manipulation….
What makes the novel especially painful is how Natalia internalizes everything. She keeps doubting herself and keeps adjusting herself for him. His Dumb Ass Motorcycle scenes stressed me out he KNOWS she’s terrified and still speeds around. ANOTHER way he makes her feel small. Also why the hell are you taking a pregnant woman on a motorcycle? or a baby???? YOU ARE STUPID.
The doves I think feel symbolic of Natalia herself. She is trapped, with multiplying problems, the house filling with suffocating noise and growing mess that she has to manage alone. Her exhaustion, weight loss, and constant fear make it very clear how domestic life and these dumb ass birds she didn’t even want are slowly consuming her.
And then the war hits and somehow things get even worse. Lowkey when Quimet went off to war I thought that maybe she’ll get some peace?? But of course Natalie cannot catch a break. Now there is poverty, starving children, just war… The scene when she has to leave Toni at the camp and he’s begging for her to not (p.136-137) and then when she’s literally contemplating ending it all (p.146) were so heartbreaking. I really struggled to keep reading.
There are so many moments I have written in my notes about this BUM. Quimet. But it’s actually making me upset thinking about this man again. The way he laughed at her during their “wedding night” when she expressed her fear (p.51) made me so angry for her. And how she still fears him after his death (p.171)!! I’m just thinking about Antoni Sr. AND I just remembered PERE woww (just p.55-56 I can’t). I had to stop taking note of everything that was upsetting me because it was taking too long for me to get through the novel…
Overall, I really did enjoy this book, even though it was emotionally brutal. It felt painfully realistic in its portrayal of marriage, gender power, and war. I was constantly angry, constantly stressed for Natalia, and honestly just sad at how real her situation still feels.. Just wondering when will I get to read a novel where there is not a man for me to hate on….
Question: Do you think Natalia is ever truly free from Quimet by the end of the novel, or has his control and treatment of her permanently shaped how she sees herself and her life?