A friend once told me “school = life (for the next 4 years)”
That wasn’t the whole comment but that was part of it. It was at a time when I was feeling down about no reason for school. I’m just out to get a degree. That’s it. I am told that is what I will need to get by in this world, and I believe them.
School really ended up as my life because in the summer, without school, i find my life extremely empty. And I hate it.
If you are thinking “hey Paulina, you can’t expect to waltz back in here MIA for a month without some filling in,” I wish I could say I’ve been having some crazy party of a summer like Jordan, or saving the world like Mel and Erica, with plenty of stories but I haven’t and that’s exactly the problem. Summer school, work, hang out, mope around. That is what I have been up to. With summer school long over, that just means more mope time.
I mope because I can’t find some greater purpose for my life. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? I don’t know, I was hoping something would just fall from a tree and I’d be like “THAT’S IT!” But it doesn’t seem like it will happen. I mope because I see people chasing their dreams and grand adventures and I don’t have that. I see school as a rung on a ladder for most people toward some grand goal. So I’m just standing on some ladder to the sky.
Yesterday though I was thinking maybe I’ve been looking at it wrong. Maybe life doesn’t have to be about having a great plan. Maybe it’s fine to just casually make music, casually play sports, casually draw, casually watch tv, read, eat, just do little things in spurs of impulse or passion or laziness. And that’s it.
Suddenly I’m reminded of this movie:
I worry that this is a self defense thing to make myself feel better about not having a great plan. But hey, I’m alive and life is passing. So at the least I’ll just do something. Anything.
I hope I’m not the only one doing nothing productive ’cause that would make me feel bad! =P Productive or not, I hope everyone is having a happy summer.