Aug
30
Goodbyes
Posted by: sammy | August 30, 2010 | Leave a Comment
I wish I could say I was a rock, that I didn’t cry often. Or ever. But the truth is I cry, a lot. Not like, I stubbed my toe and now I’m crying… not like that. Or like I’m overtly emotional and cry one minute and hysterically laugh the next… I’m balanced. But, you know that commercial where Michael Buble is doing a PSA for the children’s hospital… I cried during that commercial, and the one where Sarah McLachlan is talking about abused animals. Now, it’s not like big alligator tears and bawling, but just shedding a couple tears.
This past two days saying goodbye to family has been like a never ending string of Canadian PSAs.
My goodbye-ing to friends and such has been going on for a bit now… but it wasn’t as bad as saying see ya to some family. You see, my brother (Chris) and my sister in law (Britt) are two of the most important people to me in my life. Through everything I’ve been through, they’ve been there for me, when a lot of people weren’t. I knew that saying goodbye to them would be hard. I know that this isn’t permanent goodbyes or that I’m shipping off to ‘Nam or anything like that, it’s just that times are changing. I am no longer going to be the Sam that I was. I mean, I am Sam obviously. 5’5″, blue eyes, blond hair, Gilmore Girls lovin’ Sam. But my life is changing. It’s really the amount of compassion and love that people are showing me right now that’s pushing me over. In my family, we don’t really show our feelings for eachother that much. The occasional hug and what not… but nothing compared to what I’ve gotten over the past few days. I would rather have them do this than to not do anything. But it makes me cry. And scared.
A lot of my emotional state is coming from stress and worrying. I am really nervous now that my moving date is so close. I know these are normal first year worries (ie. what if I make no friends? what if I can’t do it? what if university is too much for me? what if I don’t adjust? ect. ect) but they’re none-the-less relevant. I’m scared. So scared. I mean, it’s from sharing a bathroom with a floor of people to using Vancouver transit. I’ve never used the transit in another city really. I mean in Dawson, we have two buses: North and South. If you’re going up the hill, you’re going North, and if you’re going down the hill, you’re going South. If you ride either one long enough, you’ll get to where you need to be. In Vancouver there’s sky trains, and train trains, and buses from what seems like they’re numbered 1-1000. I digress…
Please excuse this freakout.
I know my move in date is just around the corner and I need to pull on my big girl pants and face reality. My life is changing, and I need to embrace it. It’s too easy to get stuck in the same old because change was too hard to grasp. I know that my family loves me and that those who are the most important in my life are just a phone call away.
The school year officially starts next week, and my move away from Dawson day is coming up soon. I’ll post again once I get to Vancouver.
Peace, love and alligator tears,
Sam.