I don’t pretend I have all the answers, I don’t pretend that I even know the questions I am supposed to be answering.  Life is a funny, fickle, friend and like any friendship there are goodtimes and there are bad times.  If you would have asked me this time two years ago where I thought I would be, I would have answered in Alberta going to university in Edmonton.  Now, I moved to the coast and am living in Vancouver going to UBC and I love it.  It has been nothing I wanted, nor anything I expected it to be.

I don’t think you can pin point the time when you grow up – nor do I think that you ever stop growing.  But, I think there comes a time where you can pinpoint that you have transcended from who you were in highschool and who you are becoming after.  Like I said before, I don’t pretend I have all the answers, I am only nineteen… but in the past year, I have grown up, a lot.  I have managed to become nothing of the person I thought I would be, and turn into someone I don’t know, but yet share a familiarity with.  Nothing I can say can really prepare you for moving out on your own. I could write top ten lists of what I’ve learned, what to buy, where to study on campus and what are the most successful ways to do it – but it’s all arbitrary.  I cannot tell you how many books I read, blogs I scanned and people I talked to about making this step.  I was told to stay closer to home, that it would be easier.  If I wanted it easier, I would have stayed in my hometown.  You don’t know what to do, until you actually have to do it.  You can read all the college success tips, living on your own self help books, listen to your elders, yadda, yadda, yadda, but none of that matters the first time you realize you have no money and you have to skip meals in order to have enough money to make it to the end of the week.  Or the first time you get sick and you realize that you have to take care of yourself.  Reading the literature can ease your mind before you take the big step, but it really doesn’t soften the impact.  When you move out of your parents house, you learn a lot about yourself – and your parents.

This has managed to be the most stressful year of my life, and there have been so many times I’ve thought about dropping out or transferring to be closer to home, but why would I?  I’ve had a breakdown, I’ve built myself back up (with the help of a few special people) and settled at the median.  Where has that gotten me?  Maybe I haven’t traveled the world (yet), built an orphanage in Africa, discovered myself, helped the sick and dying, or solved any world problems but it’s gotten me here, alive and breathing.  And in the end, what more can you ask for?  I could compare myself to all the great accomplishments other people have made, but in the end I can’t live vicariously through someone else’s resume.  This year has not been perfect, I have not been perfect and UBC is not perfect.  But I love it, I have loved this year, and I love the person I think I am becoming.  I think I am ready to face finals and what next year has to bring.

I don’t pretend that I have the answers, or the the questions to answer, but I do know that the 99, 9, 4, 44, 17, and the 84 will get you home, Copper Moon is the best $10 wine and when you can’t afford food, instant oatmeal will fill you up the quickest.

xoxo.

Sam.

3 Comments so far

1. Miriam on March 20, 2011 11:09 am

   Lovely and frank. Thanks for sharing.

2. Altay on March 20, 2011 5:54 pm

   Very well written blog post. Raw emotions – like a good piece of sashimi

3. Eastwood on March 21, 2011 2:22 am

   So… apathy is non-creepy?