Aug
28
Okay, I’m going to admit it… I neglected updating pretty much all summer. I took a wee break, I apologize. Now it’s four days till I take the trip back to Vancouver from Dawson to embark upon my second year at UBC. Essentially I have come full circle since I started this blog last year. It all seems like a blur actually, I can’t even put myself back into the mindset that I was last year when I started; reading those posts are almost like reading a strangers words. Not that I’ve changed so much that I’ve lost myself, just that I’ve changed enough to understand that I’m in a different state in my life right now. That being said, it doesn’t mean I’m not just as nervous for this year as I was for last year… it’s just a different kind of nervous.
You know, I thought saying goodbye the second time around would be a little bit easier than it was the first time… but it kind of feels the same(ish). It’s not as emotional as it was when I was leaving home for the first time, but goodbyes suck no matter the time period. But I guess thems the breaks. There are people that I am going to miss having so close.
I don’t know why I am nervous about this year… maybe it’s because I’m instigating more changes into my life. I am not moving back into dorms this year. I had a lot of fun in Totem, don’t get me wrong. But, I want to start living a little more independently now and kinda start a life outside of the UBC sphere. At times, it can feel a little suffocating just due to the fact that it is honestly such a self sufficient little community. Some days it felt that there wasn’t a world beyond the endowment lands. So, me and my roommate (my bestfriend I made in dorms last year) decided to rent an apartment. Which lead to the great apartment search of 2011, which nearly lead to me ripping my hair out before finding a place that I am pretty sure we will be happy at. And if we’re not, we will just console ourselves with the fact our rent is amazing.
I also think that I am more nervous for this year because I am starting a double majors program in both First Nations Studies and Anthropology. I am very excited about them both, but I am a little scared. They are off the path of what I originally sought out to accomplish: an International Relations major. My First Nations degree scares me a little more than my ANTH degree just due to the fact that for me there is so much emotion behind why I want to get it and what I want to do with it. Growing up Metis, but never really around one of the greater Metis influences of my life ( my grandma) when I was going through many of the most pivotal times in your life when identity starts becoming a serious matter… I was left feeling different than everyone else and not really knowing 100% why. I am starting to understand and educate myself now on who I am culturally, but it’s a slow process that is leading to a lot more questions than answers. A big part of what I want to do the FNSP program is to educate myself, but also help educate others. There are so many stereotypes about Aboriginal identity and what it should be vs. what it actually is, not to mention just general ignorance that I want to help change. Essentially, I want to even out the ratio of hipsters wearing war bonnets to people who actually understand why it’s offensive.
This upcoming year will be interesting, and honestly I don’t know what to expect… and that terrifies me. So, no, I am not the same scared first year leaving highschool and moving across the province…. but I am a scared second year moving back to her new home trying to make sense of all the changes happening in her life. It’ll work out though, in one way or another.
I apologize for the rambley-ness of this post. I will have more focussed blogs once I get back into the swing of things. As a token of my sincere apologies, I leave you with this picture of a baby sloth. Love it as much as I do.
Comments
1 Comment so far
Thank you for such an honest post. Change is scary — I say this as I try to work out what I want to do after I graduate next year — and it’s hard to let go of parts of the past. Years after I first left home, I still feel sad with every reiterated goodbye; there are people I always miss, even if that missing usually lives in the background.
But I’ve also discovered that my best years have been those in which, like you, I’ve made big changes on my own terms and embraced them instead of trying to repeat an experience. Living off campus is definitely different and has its own challenges, but it sounds like it will be a blast with your best friend! I also wish you the best in your FNSP and ANTH double major — having taken a couple of FNSP and FNLG classes, and having made friends in these programs, I can say the feedback has been highly positive for the most part. I really hope that this will be your case, too!