While reading Helen Weinzeberg’s Basic Black with Pearls, what truly stood out to me was the copious amount of red flags regarding Shirley Kaszenbowski (the protagonist) relationship with her supposed lover Coenraad. The warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship rang like an alarm in my mind as I flipped every page. On page 24, Shirley boasts of her skills and loyalty to Coenraad saying, “I have learned to sit still, to stand still, and remain silent” (Weinzeberg 24). Shirley lives as if she is constantly under Coenraad’s control, she wanders from city to city in hopes of finding her love Coenraad once again. However, there is a catch to this relationship. Coenraad only communicates to her through national geographic clippings and enforces extremely unreasonable rules in an attempt to secure his relationship with her. As if she is on tight leash, Shirley mentions she is not permitted to talk to anyone, cannot keep any records of their encounters, and most horrifying of all, how Shirley herself is stateless and essentially non-existent. Completely financially and emotionally dependent on Coenraad, Shirley’s character quite frankly worries me as there are many women and men worldwide who are trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship and are unable to recognize it. Shirley gives off the impression that without Coneraad, her life would succumb to ennui and despair. A few tell-tale signs of an emotionally abusive relationship are evident within the novel. Signs such as the domination and control Coenraad has over her are visible through his strict rules: the isolation forced upon her to keep a distance between her family/friends or any human connection at all (besides himself), using money to make her further depend on him, and the constant threats of leaving her if she does not comply to his rules, are all vivid illustrations of a toxic relationship. It saddens me to see women who mentally attach themselves to someone for their happiness and security. I strongly believe women should be independent and happy on their own before entering a relationship. However, I am well aware that exiting a toxic relationship is not a straight and narrow path. Once again, like Shirley, many men and women worldwide can find great difficulty in recognizing if they are in an abusive relationship. I genuinely believe it is imperative to possess even the most basic understanding of recognizing a toxic relationship in order to identify and correct unhealthy relationships. Mental health is such an important yet unfortunately taboo topic that I find people tend to shy away from. Nonetheless, victims of unhealthy relationships deserve to be treated with respect and I believe that with a greater understanding of the signs of a toxic relationship, we would be better equipped to aid or recognize our friends, family, or anyone in need to seek help. Helen Weinzeberg’s Basic Black with Pearls, serves as a meaningful reminder to me that mental health is still so relevant and important, and the protection of our well-being and mental health should never be compromised for anyone.

Bibliography:

Weinzweig, H. (2018). Basic black with pearls. New York: New York Review Books.

Feuerman, M. (2018, July 08). 21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/21-warning-signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/