This is the first novel that I have a physical copy of and the feeling of holding a book and flipping through the pages was so different compared to scrolling through the pages on a computer, so I was looking forward to reading this novel. This week I chose to read The Time of the Doves. This novel takes place during the Spanish Civil War and it shows how the main character, Natalia, had to struggle throughout this challenging time. 

“I had two mouths to feed and nothing to put in them.” (134) was such a heartbreaking line to read, it must be one of every parent’s worst nightmares, to not be able to provide for their children. Along with Natalia having to place her son into a camp “for refugee children” (139) so he wouldn’t starve despite her own desire of wishing she didn’t have to leave him. But her desire for Antoni to have his basic needs fulfilled was stronger. Even when he was begging her “not to leave him” (136), she “had to harden [her] heart and push him away” (136) for his own sake. It must have been difficult for Natalia to not give in to her son who was crying and begging to stay with her, but she had to be the level-headed person. Her son was still a child, young, and naive, unaware of the necessary but difficult decisions that must be made for the sake of his health. However, Natalia who is an adult, a mother, doesn’t get the choice to be ignorant. She must be the one to not be blinded by her or his emotions, and make the logical decision. I can’t imagine how that must feel, especially when she looked back at him and Antoni had “stopped crying… his face was like an old man’s” (137). It was like within these few minutes, where Natalia had to run out with her daughter, Antoni suddenly stopped being a child. It was almost like he had grown within those few minutes, and he’s no longer young and naive anymore, as he came out of the camp as a “different boy” (139). 

I was extremely shocked when one night when Natalia was lying with Antoni and Rita, she “decided to kill them” (145) and then herself due to being in poverty after her husband, Quimet had passed away in the war. Especially with her belief that “no one loved them” (146), which is once again, another heartbreaking line. However, thankfully a grocer, who ironically had the same name as her son, had saved her and her children by giving her a job and was also a man she ended up marrying. Eventually Natalia “returned to life… [her] children stopped looking like skeletons” (158).

A question I have for my classmates is, were you surprised when Natalia had a plan to kill her own children and herself? Did you think her plan was too extreme or did it make sense due to her challenging situation? What would you have chosen to do?